Dear President Barack Obama,
I congratulate you on your historic victory.
I, like millions of others, voted for you because you were the best choice to turn around this country. These are trying times and I believe your leadership and calmness will turn this ship around, restoring this great country to its rightful throne as the greatest symbol of democracy in the world.
That said, I also know you have to focus on fixing the economy and getting Americans back to work, getting our soldiers the hell out of Iraq, and fixing this damn tainted peanut mess.
As such, I suggest the government avoid all professional sports issues for the next two years.
This will save the government millions of dollars, a lot of time, and it just might restore the world's faith in capitalism as a whole.
Stay out. Go away. Fix the government and let the sports fix themselves.
Knowing that you are a big sports fan, Mr. Obama, I do hope your White Sox do well this year, even though I always root for the Cubs.
How about you tell all these senators and their committees on oversight and the subcommittees on jock straps to put it on hold? We have more pressing matters right now.
How much are we spending to investigate Barry Bonds? Last I saw, it was upwards of $3.5 million for a trail that will lead to what?
Are you going to go after A-Rod, Big Mac, Giambi or any of the other baseball cheaters?
How about the referees for the last Super Bowl, as those guys were so obviously on the take that several Swiss bank accounts just got real heavy?
My point is that you have to go all or nothing, and you need to do nothing.
You have mentioned fixing the BCS, Mr. Obama. Don't get me started. Why should the government get involved with something that screwed up? You guys have a lot of unscrewing up to do in your own ranks. Don't even stick your thumb in this jar of peanut butter.
Will the feds be pressing charges against that threat to humanity, Olympian and apparent pothead Michael Phelps? Why, and to what end, is the federal involvement in sports anyway?
What do these overweight, overpaid Washington fat cats get out of fiddling around with the American people's sports, anyway? Do they sleep better at night? I don't understand.
What I do know, Mr. President, is that sports will be all right without you guys getting involved. The government will find other things to spend money on.
Being involved in sports just leaves a bad taste in my mouth—and the mouths of many other sports fans as well.
The most I'd like you to do on the sports end, Mr. Obama, is to work on your three-point shot. That, and fixing our economy and ending the senseless war in Iraq. That's what the government should really be concerned about.
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