In a telephone interview, Tiger’s left knee updated ARMCHAIR GOLF on the most ballyhooed golf comeback since Ben Hogan limped to the first tee at Riviera in the 1950 Los Angeles Open.

Q: Thanks for taking a few minutes. It’s good to have you back.

LEFT KNEE: Sure. It’s good to be here.

Q: Straight up, what can you tell us about Tiger?

LEFT KNEE: Tiger will be returning to golf this week at the WGC-Accenture Match Play Championship at Dove Mountain in Marana, Arizona …

Q: LK?

LEFT KNEE: He has enjoyed the time with his family, including the birth of his son Charlie Axel Woods …

Q: Um, LK?

LEFT KNEE: … and is now ready to compete again on the PGA Tour …

Q: LK! Are you reading this?

LEFT KNEE: Maybe.

Q: Is everything OK?

LEFT KNEE: Sure. It’s all good.

Q: Why the statement? We’ve always kept it real in the past.

LEFT KNEE: I’ve got to keep things inside the camp. You know, I can’t say too much. It’s not the way we operate. Look at Stevie.

Q: Can we talk about you?

LEFT KNEE: What do you want to know?

Q: How do you feel?

LEFT KNEE: I’m feeling good, overall. Rosey [Dr. Thomas Rosenberg] says everything looks real solid.

Q: Any pain?

LEFT KNEE: Not really. I have some stiffness. But after sitting around for weeks, that’s expected. We’ve also been working out pretty hard lately.

Q: Lee Trevino said Tiger needs to change his swing, that he can’t continue to swing so hard with you locked.

LEFT KNEE: If I got a buck for every time someone had swing advice for Tiger over the years, I could bail out the economy by myself (laughing).

Q: So you’re not concerned?

LEFT KNEE: We played hurt for years and now I’m reconstructed. I’m ready to go.

Q: How about the motivation? Are you ready for tournament golf?

LEFT KNEE: I watched "Follow the Sun," Hogan’s comeback movie, about 20 times during the layoff. Cried every time. One time I woke the baby. Elin didn’t like that. Anyway, believe me, I’m inspired. Hogan’s mangled legs showed incredible courage, and I intend to follow in their footsteps. Um, so to speak.

Q: What do you know about Brendan Jones?

LEFT KNEE: He’s No. 64 in the world. We always open up against No. 64, if you know what I mean.

Q: I do. Thanks for taking the time, and good luck this week.

LEFT KNEE: You got it.

−The Armchair Golfer

Related:
An interview with Tiger’s Left Knee
Tiger’s Left Knee speaks on U.S. Open prep
Q&A: Tiger’s Left Knee Discusses ACL Surgery

(This is an ARMCHAIR GOLF spoof.)