Stop me if you’ve heard this one before.
Athlete who has the world by the throat, a bank account larger than the GDP of some small countries, and has known nothing but the sweet caress of smooches to his backside from before he was old enough to shave opens his mouth to spew forth a statement so utterly stupid that it earns him a Lifetime Achievement Award from the Hopelessly Out of Touch with the Real World Academy.
I know, I know. I promise you actually are reading an article on Bleacher Report even though it seems like you’re caught in your own version of Groundhog Day.
LeBron James, come on down! You are the next contestant on The Professional Athlete Just Doesn’t Get It!
Wait, LeBron James is at it again? What is this, Champions Week on T.P.A.J.D.G.I.?
How can any of us forget James’ breakout performance (co-starring Jim Gray) on that box office smash, "The Decision"?
Thank you, Alex. Let’s go with “Taking My Talents to South Beach” for the maximum contract.
Oh, but wait. For you see, poor LeBron—King James, as his worshipfulness prefers—has never signed a maximum NBA contract. How, pray tell, do we know this? Easy.
And the miscarriages of justice continue.
James, one of the most popular athletes in sports, is loved by throngs of fans everywhere and probably hears those “three little words” on a daily basis as he travels the country every week.
Here are three more words he should familiarize himself with quickly. Very quickly.
Just. Shut. Up.
As the size of James’ mouth approaches that of his over-inflated ego, allow me to give him a little lesson as to what is going on in the country.
More than 20 million people are under or unemployed.
Forty-seven million people are on food stamps.
The country is $16 TRILLION in debt. And rising.
The unemployment rate rose today to 7.9 percent. It’s actually closer to 20 percent, but the way it is calculated makes about as much sense as the NFL’s “tuck rule”.
Members of Congress have spent the past four years acting like a bunch of petulant children threatening to take their ball and go home.
And we have a president who is more concerned about hanging out with Jay-Z and Beyonce and appearing with the hens on The View than getting to the bottom of a terrorist attack on one of our embassies that killed four Americans, including our ambassador.
But King James is only making a paltry $17.5 million this season.
Hey, LeBron, here are three more words for you.
World’s. Smallest. Violin.