The Doctor's WWE Main Event/SmackDown Recap: Things We Learned, Loved and Hated

The Doctor Chris Mueller@@BR_DoctorFeatured ColumnistFebruary 9, 2013

Picture by Natasha Farley (Images property of WWE, BBC and Bleacher Report)
Picture by Natasha Farley (Images property of WWE, BBC and Bleacher Report)

Welcome, ladies and gentlemen, to my weekly Main Event and SmackDown recap list. I always appreciate my loyal readers, but for those of you who are new, each week I recap SmackDown with a long list.
The entries are made up of equal parts observations, humor, recap, play-by-play, revelations, speculations, questions, answers and anything else I notice during the show. I sometimes comment on commercials, too, just because I get bored during them.
Match results will be in bold so they are easier to find.

I try and interject some fun into these lists, so I hope you have fun reading this week's list of the things we learned, loved and hated from the show.

Main Event

1. Michael Cole and JBL open the show by talking about Vince McMahon's hip surgery.
2. Cody Rhodes' music hits and he comes out in his ridiculous new shirt.
3. Ron Swanson makes this guy's mustache look like stubble.
4. Rhodes has a mic and he vents his frustrations about not being World champion.
5. He says the Chamber match has six failures in it and he grabs a chair and says he isn't going anywhere until he gets a spot in the Chamber match.
6. Technically, he is right about all the people in the match losing their titles.
7. Ric Flair is a 16 time loser by Cody's logic.
8. Sheamus comes out and says he is here to fight.
9. Cody does a lame Sheamus impression.
10. Sheamus doesn't know how to say "role-play."
11. Sheamus does an awful Booker T impression.
12. His impression of Vickie was spot on.
13. Rhodes brings his family name into it and says he could cash in a favor.
14. Sheamus gets the trophy for "Worst Mustache Joke of the Year" when he asks Cody if his mustache has seeped into his brain and made him stupid.
15. Cody and Sheamus get into it as we head to break.
16. We return from break and the bell rings for Rhodes vs. Sheamus.
17. Rhodes and Sheamus exchange some offense until Rhodes leaves the ring to take a breather.
18. Rhodes comes back in and takes Sheamus down with some hard shots in the corner, but Sheamus comes back and hits a backbreaker for a near fall.
19. Cole incorrectly calls a normal backbreaker the Irish Curse backbreaker.
20. I know this is a decent match, but JBL and Cole's commentary is more entertaining to me right now.
21. Cody skins the cat only to have Sheamus hit him with the Irish Hand Grenades.
22. I don't care if it hasn't worked yet, I am still trying to get Irish Hand Grenades to catch on.
23. Cody gets his spine slammed into the steel ring post by Sheamus before being thrown into the barricade with a fallaway slam as we head to another break.
24. I am still upset that WWE cancelled the IC title tournament they were going to have on Main Event.
25. After the break we see Cody run Sheamus into the ring post from the apron.
26. The pace picks up as the match goes on and Rhodes and Sheamus end up having a pretty good match.
27. Sheamus counters the Cross Rhodes into White Noise.
28. Sheamus lines up and hits the Brogue Kick for the pin and the win.
29. That was a decent match. Both men looked pretty solid.

30. I think the only teeth JBL knows the names of are bicuspids.
31. Wow! Another Fandango video package.
32. I guess WWE decided to move forward with the gimmick.
33. Mark my words, he will be the next Disco Inferno.
34. Damien Sandow is out after the break to face Daniel Bryan.
35. Now this is some facial hair excellence. Sandow and Bryan put Rhodes' facial hair to shame.
36. Sandow has a mic and he says Rhodes should be in the Elimination Chamber match.
37. He says he will avenge Cody's loss by beating his arch-nemesis.
38. Line of the night "Bearded Goat Face, I summon thee."
39. Sandow's ability to keep a straight face must be acknowledged. He says some ridiculous things and never breaks character.
40. Bryan gets the upper hand early with some hard uppercuts and a knee lift.
41. Bryan hits a running dropkick in the corner for a near fall.
42. Kane comes out and Sandow almost gets the win off the distraction.
43. Bryan hits Sandow with a ton of kicks to the chest before Kane calls for his pyro in the ring.
44. Sandow grabs Bryan and hits his finisher for the pin and the win.
45. Team Hell No is beginning the process of breaking up.
46. I knew it would happen eventually, but it still makes me sad.

47. Aksana comes up to Brodus Clay and says he needs new dancers.
48. Tamina walks up and eats something in a strange way to try and turn Clay on.
49. The Funkadactyls walk up and yell at Aksana and Tamina.
50. Aksana gets some food thrown on her and then everyone walks away.
51. After the break we get some recap videos as well as a video of what happened after Raw went off the air.
52. Cena announced that The Shield will face Sheamus, Ryback and Cena at the Chamber PPV.
53. Brodus Clay and the Funkadactyls come out next.
54. Aksana and Tamina come out and attack the Funkadactyls.
55. After the break we get a Divas tag team match with Clay on commentary.
56. Cameron hits an impressive arm drag to Tamina early on.
57. Aksana gets the tag and keeps up the offense on Cameron.
58. This is actually a pretty good Divas match.
59. Aksana had a few good moves.
60. Naomi gets the hot tag and she takes out Tamina and Aksana.
61. Naomi fakes a font flip over the top rope that looked cool.
62. Naomi hits a cross body from the top rope for a two count.
63. Naomi comes off the ropes and hits a heel kick to Aksana for the win.
64. I am very impressed with Naomi. I have only seen her a few times since NXT, but she has really shown some promise.
65. The show ends with a dance party in the ring.
66. I feel like I should mention that JBL actually brought up how the ref, Scott Armstrong is Road Dogg's brother.
67. JBL likes to call him #HardBodyRef
68. Not a bad show, although it feels like Main Event is starting to slip a little bit, much like how Superstars did after a few months.


69. The show opens with a video package hyping the Elimination Chamber
70. We go to the parking lot, where Big Show's tour bus is pulling up.
71. Show has some guy come out to make sure the coast is clear.
72. Show hurries into the arena as the show begins.
73. I guess they are establishing that Big Show is actually afraid of Del Rio. At least a little bit.
74. Show's music hits and he comes out after the opening video and Josh Mathews welcomes us to the show.
75. Big Show says the way he is being treated is unacceptable.
76. I suppose the way he treated Ricardo was fair.
77. Show calls Del Rio a criminal and a coward.
78. Show says everything is Booker T's fault because he is jealous of Show.
79. Booker comes out and asks what Big Show's problem is since he suspended Del Rio for the night.

80. Booker brings up how Show has bullied Ricardo for the past several weeks.
81. I wonder if Booker's ball of dreads makes a comfortable make-shift pillow.
82. Booker makes a match with Big Show and Kane for later.
83. I find it funny that these two were both in WCW for years and never really had much interaction until getting to WWE.

84. Kofi Kingston is out after the break to face Cody Rhodes.
85. Kofi controls much of the early going in this match, hitting a Boom Drop very early.
86. He lines up for the Trouble in Paradise, but Cody is able to avoid it.
87. Kofi settles for a high cross body for a two count.
88. Rhodes avoids a pair of TIP attempts and he almost hits the Cross Rhodes.
89. Rhodes hits Kofi with the Disaster Kick followed by Cross Rhodes for a pretty quick win.
90. Ha! JBL called Cody Rhodes "Mark Spitz."
91. Mathews throws to a video about the recent trouble between Team Hell No.
92. Kane is backstage and Bryan walks in and says he is sorry again.
93. Kane accepts the apology and then tells him to get out.
94. Bryan thinks Kane is jealous because he is in the Chamber match and Kane isn't.
95. Kane gets upset and tells Bryan to shut up unless he is congratulating him on beating Big Show later tonight.

96. After the break we get yet another video of Brock Lesnar's return.
97. I was more excited for the return of Troy and Abed this week.
98. A video airs for Bruno Sammartino being inducted into the Hall of Fame.
99. Even though this makes me happy, he is now the headliner, which was supposed to be Foley.
100. I know Foley is probably just happy to be inducted, but I thought he deserved to be the headliner.
101. Khali, Natalya and Hornswoggle come out after the break.
102. Did Mathews just call Khali a future hall of famer?
103. I agree with JBL when he says Mathews has lost his freakin' mind.
104. Natalya looks amazing tonight.
105. I have a theory that she is adopted. Nothing that hot could have come from Jim "The Anvil" Neidhart.
106. Titus O'Neil is out to face Khali by himself.
107. Where's Darren Young?
108. Khali gives Titus a couple chops to the chest to start things off.
109. Titus gets the advantage and hits a running boot for a near fall.
110. Hahaha! JBL asks "Wasn't Khali great in Moonraker?"

111. He does resemble Jaws, doesn't he?
112. Khali gets the quick win and after the match, Mark Henry comes out.
113. Henry picks up Titus and throws him into the barricade and then focuses on Khali.
114. Khali takes the first shot, but Henry gets the advantage.
115. Henry picks up Khali and hits the World's Strongest Slam. That looked really impressive. He held Khali up for a solid five seconds.
116. I said it earlier this week, and I will say it again. Mark Henry will be World Champion again.
117. After the break, Henry says the Hall of Pain is now open.
118. Henry says if Booker had included him in the Chamber match, none of his attacks would have happened.
119. He calls out Booker to give him an explanation as to why he wasn't included, and if he doesn't Henry will go back and destroy the whole roster.
120. Book comes out on the ramp and says he can't just come back out of nowhere and get what he wants.
121. Henry says if Booker doesn't give him a spot, he will injure someone who is in the Chamber so he gets a spot.
122. It worked for Edge.
123. Booker says if Henry can beat someone who is already in the Chamber, he will earn his spot. He says Henry will face Randy Orton later tonight.

124. We go back to the parking lot and see Big Show yelling at his assistant for not making his steak Pittsburgh style.
125. After Show walks away we see Del Rio walk out from behind another bus and smile.
126. Kane is in the ring to face Big Show when we return.
127. Big Show takes the lead early and focuses on the left leg of Kane.
128. Booker and Teddy are shown watching backstage as Show continues to punish Kane's left leg.
129. Kane fights his way up, only to get taken back down by a spear as we head to a break.
130. After the break we see Kane and Show duking it out.
131. They grab each other by the throat and Kane ends up giving Show a DDT for a near fall.
132. Kane leaps off the top rope and hits a clothesline.
133. Show gets up and hits the KO Punch for the pin and the win.
134. After the match we see Del Rio on the big screen. He says he has made friends with Big Show's assistant and they have made some changes to his tour bus.
135. Show sees that the tires on his bus have been stolen and replaced with cinder blocks.
136. A bunch of orange paint spills on Big Show and we pan up to see Del Rio on top of the bus holding the bucket.
137. WWE didn't consider how much of the paint would splash on the camera lens. It was almost completely covered.

138. Jack Swagger is out after the break looking very serious.
139. Justin Gabriel gets the jobber entrance.
140. Swagger goes right after him after the bell and takes him down with a big slam after a series of knees in the corner.
141. Gabriel hits a crucifix into a sunset flip for a near fall.
142. Swagger lays him out with a clothesline so hard it makes Gabriel flip all the way over.
143. Gabriel gets thrown to the mat and hit with a Swagger Bomb in the corner.
144. Gabriel gets his feet up in the corner and then hits a springboard cross body.
145. Gabriel tries to jump up to the ropes and Swagger pulls him down to the floor the hard way.
146. Gabriel took a bit of a hard fall and sold it really well.
147. Swagger takes a page out of Cesaro's book and lifts Gabriel by the waist before hitting a powerbomb.
148. The Patriot Act makes Gabriel tap out and Swagger gets the easy win.
149. I really want to like Swagger because I know he is talented, but I never see him being a main event player in WWE.
150. One of his biggest problems is how long he takes between offensive moves.
151. People always compare Swagger to Angle, but the thing Angle never really did was waste too much time. He stays on his opponents and looks really aggressive while doing it. He has no wasted movements.
152. Swagger tries to look too intimidating with facial expressions and yells when the most intimidating thing about him is his raw power and speed.
153. Swagger also needs a lot of work on his mic skills. He has never been particularly strong in that department.

154. A Fandango promo airs when we return and I cannot help but wonder who thought this was a gimmick that would get someone to the top of WWE?
155. 3MB are in the ring when we return so Drew McIntyre can face Tensai.
156. D-Mac hits a nasty running boot for a quick one count.
157. Tensai comes back and hits a series of headbutts in the corner.
158. Jinder Mahal and Heath Slater attack Tensai and cause a DQ.
159. This brings out Clay to make the save.
160. Clay and Tensai have a staredown until the Funkadactyls get Tensai to dance.
161. JBL is upset that Tensai would do this to himself, and so am I.

162. Sin Cara is in the ring when we return from break and Antonio Cesaro comes out to face him.
163. I always forget about those stupid yellow lights until Sin Cara is in a singles match.
164. Cesaro hits his delayed gutwrench slam and then jumps on Sin Cara's stomach.
165. Wow! Sin Cara and Cesaro hit an amazing pinning combination which gets Cara a two count.
166. Cara hits a headscissors and a suicide dive before Cesaro nails him with an uppercut during an attempted springboard.
167. Cesaro hits the Neutralizer for the pin and the win.
168. Orton is shown talking to Matt Striker about his match with Henry.
169. Miz is talking to Striker when we return and he says Brock Lesnar is like nobody he has ever faced before.
170. Cesaro comes up and mocks Miz, which leads to them fighting.

171. We get a video package for The Shield vs. Cena, Ryback and Sheamus at Elimination Chamber.
172. I am still at a loss for how WWE plans to use Brad Maddox. How can he ever be successful after the way he has been featured?
173. After the break we get our main event of Orton vs. Henry.
174. The bell rings and Henry backs Orton into the corner, but Orton reverses and starts pounding on Henry in the corner.
175. Henry takes Orton down with one shot and then throws him out of the ring.
176. Orton is able to run Henry into the ring post to get some breathing room.
177. Henry takes Orton from the top turnbuckle to the floor in one shot.
178. Orton is able to mount some offense and hit the rope-hung DDT.
179. He calls for the RKO, but Henry pushes him off and crushes him in the corner.
180. Henry hits the World's Strongest Slam to get the win and earn a spot in the Elimination Chamber match.
181. That was a pretty standard Mark Henry match, but given that he has been gone for 10 months, it is impressive to see him have virtually no ring rust.
182. Tonight's show was alright. Average at best. Nothing to write home about. Could have been better.
183. I'm out of platitudes.
184. We had some coverage of a few feuds, but no new developments other than Henry being added to the Elimination Chamber match.
185. Thanks for reading and please feel free to share your thoughts on the shows.


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