Every last one of you stayed up to the wee hours to get your "One Shining Moment" fill. Even this grump did the same.
You keep asking for the poignant montage of beautiful moments and wonderful memories, and CBS will keep giving it to you, and that makes me sad.
Update: Tuesday, April 9, 5:15 p.m. ET
Video posted is a behind-the-scenes mini-documentary on the iconic song. Most, if not all, versions of the 2013 "One Shining Moment" music video have now been taken down from YouTube and other providers.
End of Update---
Now before you blast me for being a Negative Nelly Furtado, please consider my argument as to why "One Shining Moment" is not nearly as brilliant as you think it is.
Judging by how everyone around me loses their minds for the song, you generally believe this montage is roughly the equivalent of a unicorn showing up to deliver donuts to your office.
Let's get the good out of the way first, then. The song has been an institution in the sport since 1987, which means it is now a time-honored tradition. You know what else was a time-honored tradition a couple decades ago? Pauly Shore movies, so let's move on.
Second, the song is delivered by the wonderful Luther Vandross, who left us all far too soon. This concludes the "good" parts of the song.
Let's dive right into the huge vat of cheese also known as the song's lyrics:
The ball is tipped
and there you are
There are a great many literary devices to transport the audience to the center of the action. I guess the best way is just to tell the fans where they are.
you're running for your life
Really? Unless we are going with Running Man, Hunger Games or Battle Royale rules, I think these athletes are all enjoying a nice meal and warm bed at the moment.
you're a shooting star
And all the years
no one knows
just how hard you worked
but now it shows...
This whole section falls flat for me, largely because the video currently shows what is really just a visual list of every single team that lost in this tournament. Hey, way to work hard; now we all laugh in your general direction, losers.
The real issue I have is I can't get this damn song out of my head. It burrows into my brain like some kind of worm being put into Chekov's ear.
ONE SHINING MOMENT, IT'S ALL ON THE LINE
ONE SHINING MOMENT, THERE FROZEN IN TIME
Take a look at that video, and you will aptly understand my feelings as I hum this damn thing in the shower and sing it while skipping when going to get the paper.
The crap part of it all is I actually like getting on my soapbox that sits firmly upon my high horse and delivering these sentiments each year.
You guys sob during this song, but I have anger and frustration. Like a present under the tree at Christmas or fireworks in July, it's what is expected.
Never leave us, "One Shining Moment," because March Madness just isn't the same without you.
Hit me up on Twitter and we can fight about it.
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