The NFL has announced a new reality show that will pit prospective top draft picks against one another. The prize: being the lone bright spot of a franchise for four to six seasons. Just kidding.
With the abundance of reality programming available, wouldn’t it be cool if one night a week you got to see future pro football talent duke it out to become America’s Next Top Rock of Who Wants to Survive the Flavor of the NFL?
Hear me out.
The team possessing the No. 1 overall pick is on the clock from the end of the regular season until draft day. We’ve seen it before, where a pick gets signed to a deal a day or two before the draft, taking the wind out of the sails.
It’s getting old.
But what if future players had to compete, reality-show style, to get that guaranteed $30 million, a Myoplex endorsement deal, and the spotless Detroit Lions jersey with the No. 1 on it? Keep in mind, draft day is the last time it will be spotless and in an upright position.
The Miss America Pageant started its own reality show featuring entrants competing against one another, and viewers got to vote someone into the finals.
If America’s ambassador of beauty and talent is selected this way, why the hell not the NFL’s next poster child?
The NFL Network already televises the combine. Simply add a dash of American Gladiators, Ryan Leaf discussing the don'ts and don’ts of a prospective NFL career, and a few celebrity judges to critique performances.
A panel of John Madden, Frank Caliendo, Chris Berman, and Terry Bradshaw would do the trick.
Imagine Berman’s thoughts on the 40-yard dash: “He could...go...all...the...way...in 4.3 seconds.”
Madden could talk about all the sustenance consumed to become stronger and faster.
Of course, all those foods will need to have six legs and bathe in a buttery nacho cheese. If they don’t, he will doodle them on via telestrator. The lines are already the color of cheese.
Bradshaw would provide that critical yet overplayed former-player-turned-announcer point of view.
And Caliendo could pretend to be all three people rolled into one.
On second thought, just let Frank handle the MC duties, otherwise players might get too confused from the three stooges.
The bottom line with a reality show isn’t to display the inner feelings of the cast or shine a light on anything important. It’s about getting paid!
This would be an advertising gold mine.
Milwaukee’s Best commercials featuring giant beer cans landing on Ryan Leaf, Tony Mandarich, and Rashaan Salaam as they discuss the glory days.
Let’s face it, those guys talking about glory days is like walking out of the liquor store with a four-pack of wine coolers.
How about Mike Ditka hawking some Old Spice Swagger? Or Lawrence Taylor and Warren Sapp selling their new how-to dance DVD?
Remember when Eli Manning turned cry baby and had the Chargers trade him to the Giants? Problem solved. Just sandbag in the competition and you’ll wind up with a decent team.
There are no losers here. Just overthrow a couple guys, slow down, and enjoy the scenery during your 40-yard draft. Soak it all in like the warm San Diego sun.
Throw in some cheerleaders, a little Raider Nation, we could even get Bruce Springsteen in to sing the theme song, and you've got yourself a real man's reality show.
How about it, Boss?
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