A Look Inside Derrick Rose's Fake Gmail Inbox

Dan Favale@@danfavaleFeatured ColumnistMay 15, 2013

Derrick Rose has mail. Lots of mail, actually. More than Tom Hanks, even.

And if you've ever wondered what lies inside that treasure chest of an inbox of his, look no further.

Beyond the Buzzer tweeted a totally fake, but equally believable picture of what the Chicago Bulls superstar's inbox looks like.

Almost needless to say, this is absolutely amazing—just hysterical. It seems Rose has a deluge of well-known correspondents, so let's run through them, shall we?

Coach Tom Thibodeau appears to he hassling Rose on a daily basis, asking him the same question we've all been asking him since March.

Then there's Robert Griffin III, broadcasting how well his recovery is going. He was nice enough ask Rose how he was faring as well, even though we all know there haven't been any real updates for quite some time.

Joakim Noah provides Rose with a nice change of pace, shifting the topic of discussion from the point guard's injury to the "doping" policies the league has in place. Hopefully, David Stern and the NBA don't see that one before Game 5, or the Bulls might be down another player.

Unlike Noah, Nate Robinson didn't want to talk about illegal substances. And unlike most of Chicago, he was kind enough to thank Rose for his absence.

We all probably wouldn't be watching as much of Lil' Nate had Rose opted to play. No word yet on whether he CC'ed Kirk Hinrich on that same email, though.

Bulls team physician Dr. Brian Cole makes a cameo as well, sending out an "Are you there?" type plea.

Rose doesn't appear to have acknowledged any of his previous ones. You know, the messages he's sent since March, telling Rose he's cleared to play.

Just like Dr. Cole doesn't like to be avoided, neither do the fans of Chicago. All Rose needs to do is ask Jay Cutler. Well, he actually doesn't have to. Cutler got to him first and recommended that he play up his injury. Perhaps it's time Rose went back to sporting crutches?

No Rose inbox would be complete, however, without an email from LeBron James, who reminds him that even if he played, the Miami Heat would still win. That's highly insulting, albeit slightly reassuring.

Why play if you're going to lose anyway? Thanks, LeBron.

For those who still blame Coach Thibs for leaving Rose in the game too long last April when he tore his left ACL, you definitely want to turn your attention to the email from Adidas. Rose's injury may have been inevitable, because from what we can see, their shoes cause "serious injury." And here Rose has a lifetime contract with them. Yikes.

Michael Jordan didn't help things. He dropped Rose a not-so-kind line to let him know he sucks and that His Airness is the best.

I'm assuming he's referring to Jordan the player and not Jordan the owner. Charlotte Bobcats fans would have a great deal to say about that last one.

Marco Belinelli also hit Rose up. Not to ask him to play or discuss the ongoing severity of his recovery, but instead to discuss the nature of his enormous, er, marbles.

That one was bound to make Rose laugh. And let's face it, he could use a good chuckle. 

Or maybe a pizza. He has to be exhausted from all that sitting rehabbing he's been doing. Papa John's was kind enough to remind Rose that "the bench" is not a suitable address, though. 

Worry not, Derrick. Chicago's season will likely be over soon, and you can scarf down all the pizza you want. 

Just remember that "the couch" isn't a befitting address either.