Game over; throw in the towel. All other sausage companies are rendered obsolete because Vienna Beef just locked up Mike Ditka to sell some of their delicious sausages.
Next Impulse Sports reports those Ditka sausages you have been waiting your whole life for will hit the Chicago area. For safety's sake, just make sure you chew thoroughly before shouting, "Da Beaaaars!"
Here is what the legendary former coach had to say in a news release, via Next Impulse Sports.
"These sausages embody Chicago," Ditka said. "The tradition, the teams, the fans, the big appetites, Chicago deserves a monster sausage they can be proud of."
This is the perfect marriage between personality and product. Michael Jordan sold shoes and Ditka was born to be the face and name of some 8-inch sausages that weigh a third of a pound.
In case you were wondering, the report states Vienna Beef is releasing a hot beef polish sausage and a chicken sausage with mozzarella and sun-dried tomatoes in honor of Coach.
For more information, you can head on over to Ditka Sausages' Twitter feed that is more of a pop culture homage to the beloved Ditka than anything else, and here is but a taste.
Ditka dominating as always:
ESPN's Bill Hofheimer delivers the unfortunate side of a great story: There is a new sausage king of Chicago.
Because we will always post a Ferris Bueller clip when warranted, here is the requisite scene from the classic movie:
Obviously, the moment you hear Ditka is getting his own sausages, you think of the classic Saturday Night Live skits. OK, the first thing you think of is mustard, sauerkraut and one of these bad boys.
The second thing might be the skits. Well, Vienna Beef is well aware.
Even Anders Holm from Workaholics is all-in on the baddest brats in the business.
Essentially, the entire sports world should really treat this like a holiday. The only thing that doesn't make sense about this story is how long it took for someone to make Ditka-themed sausages.
The world finally makes sense again.
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