Recently single, I have found myself in the dating world. As I have met different guys, I have suddenly come upon the reason why I have stayed single.
The simplest reason? It's a jungle out there.
So, I've decided to list some of the main lines that definitely end the night. Some of them are sports related, some are not, but I'm sure most of you can relate.
1. "I'm sorry, which sport is football?"
Really? You have no idea what football is? It's the sport with the brown ball, bunch of guys in pads smacking into each other hopefully making touchdowns, and coaches screaming profanities that can not be aired and cost radio stations $5,000 a piece?
Although, admittedly I haven't figured out if this is a good or bad thing. I mean...it does give me the leg up in the relationship, and I can mold them into the perfect Alabama fan.
2. "I hate football. It's just a bunch of guys grabbing each other."
This one really gets me. Football is just a bunch of guys grabbing each other? Hardly. If they are doing it right anyway.
Football is an amazing sport. The talent it takes to be able to throw a football to your player in the midst of the other team's and get it in the player's hands is amazing.
The WR has to be in his place, the Center has to be in his place, your offense has to do their job. You have to pivot around the other players making every decision count and gain yards. Everyone has to be in the game or it doesn't work.
Football is just a bunch of guys grabbing each other? Check please.
3. "I'm an Auburn/LSU/Tennessee fan."
Now, this one is tricky. I usually end it right there because of the fact that Alabama is just a huge part of my life I don't think it could ever work.
I think going into Tiger Pride or whatever other stores they have for a Christmas/Birthday/Anniversary present would just about kill me.
And don't even get me started on Game Day. There would ultimately be cops called and news coverage from whoever's house we happened to be located.
Although, I will say that the fact that at least they know what football is counts for something...but not enough to make it to the end of the night.
Yeah, you know the date I'm talking about.
You know, the one that never seems to say anything intelligent...if they say anything at all.
The one where everytime you look at him you see them looking at themself in the reflection of their glass.
5. "My ex...yeah they were special. I really loved 'em...it was only last week that it ended." (Breaks out in tears)
Yeah...the date where you find out they aren't over their ex.
Aren't those the best?
Don't get me wrong, everyone has a past. I do, you do, even Jesus did...maybe. But, it is a completely different thing when all they talk about is their ex and how you are just like them.
The waiter starts to look better and better in these situations I have found...
6. "HEY! DON'T BE LOOKIN' AT HER! SHE'S MY DATE ALRIGHT MAN!"
Oh the over jealous type. These are a lot of fun.
You never know when you might get into a fight...or cause a fight rather. The cops come in and while taking them away in handcuffs they look at you and say, "What caused this?" You just smile and say, "I think it was the fish."
And, when you know a lot about sports and talk to guys a lot and have a lot of guy friends, this isn't a good situation.
Suddenly, you remember the stove was left on at home and must go.
7. "I don't really care about politics. I mean, it doesn't effect me."
It doesn't effect you?! It's YOUR money and YOUR rights they are taking away!
But, then again, these are usually the ones that have no idea who Osama Bin Laden or Saddam Hussein is...so, what can you do?
8. "Um...your shoes don't match you outfit."
When they start telling me what does and doesn't match it becomes a problem.
Plus, Crimson matches with everything and everyone knows that. :)
9. "I would love it if you sat there and looked pretty. No need to talk."
Yeah...this date is always interesting. "Sit there and look pretty."
First off, that would be hard for me to do if I were attractive and were a mute person...
Secondly, since I am more opinionated than most and neither of those things, it is even more or a challenge.
Have you met my 6'5" brother date?
10. "I don't care what you think. You are wrong."
I love intellectual conversations. I don't expect a date to agree with me about every single thing. In fact, I would rather them stick up for what they believe in.
Debates where we both have good points and can defend our points of view and all that are entertaining and intellectual.
Telling me I'm wrong and that I should shut up? Yeah...Never Again...
I'm sure I didn't cover all of the stupid things that people can do on dates to make them end early or not get a call back. I'd be interested to hear some of the things y'all think or have had done to you to make this happen.
And, good luck to all those that are single. And to those that are happily in a relationship or married, congratulations. And, do they have a brother?