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Fantasy Hockey Team Names: Creative and Funny Monikers for the New Season

EDMONTON, CANADA - APRIL 22: Jordan Eberle #14 of the Edmonton Oilers lines up for a face off in a game against the Anaheim Ducks on April 22, 2013 at Rexall Place in Edmonton, Alberta, Canada. (Photo by Marko Ditkun/NHLI via Getty Images)
Marko Ditkun/Getty Images
Franklin SteeleAnalyst IISeptember 27, 2013

Nothing gets an NHL fantasy draft and league chuckling like a string of hilarious and timely team names. While the top players in fantasy hockey are always changing, the desire to have a clever and creative name for your squad never dulls or goes away.

After scouring the Internets for the most laugh-out-loud names, we've dug up a few gems for you.

 

Eberle Hills 90210

If you manage to talk your lady friend into playing fantasy hockey with you, or just so happen to have a soft spot for DromRoms, we've got the perfect name for your (or her...) team.

 

Oshie's Eleven

What, you don't think any of Brad Pitt, George Clooney or Matt Damon are cool enough to reference with your fantasy team name? Then you're trying too hard, pal. Ocean's Eleven is a classic heist movie regardless of which version you prefer.

 

Jun 28, 2013; Chicago, IL, USA; Chicago Blackhawks right wing Marian Hossa (81) during the 2013 Stanley Cup championship celebration at Grant Park in Chicago. Mandatory Credit: Dennis Wierzbicki-USA TODAY Sports
Dennis Wierzbicki-USA TODAY Spor

Bros Before Hossas

As the team name implies, you should always, always put your friends ahead of your favorite Slovakian forward. That's what this is about, right?

 

Don't Toews Me Bro

An oldie but a goodie, this one has been popping up in fantasy leagues for several years now. The repetition doesn't make it any less funny, though, especially when recounting the reference in one's head.

 

Never Go Full Kopitard

A reference to the criminally underrated Tropic Thunder, this is one of my personal favorites. As Robert Downey Jr's character says, "you never go full Kopitard." (NSFW clip due to language at the jump)

 

Glass of Marleau

Maybe it's just because I used to (kind of) work in the wine industry that this one tickles my funny bone, but it's awfully clever regardless of your pick of poison. Unless you're Miles from Sideways. (Also a NSFW clip due to language)

ST. PAUL, MN - APRIL 26: (L-R) Kyle Brodziak #21 and Cal Clutterbuck #22 of the Minnesota Wild have some words with the Edmonton Oilers bench during the game on April 26, 2013 at the Xcel Energy Center in St. Paul, Minnesota. (Photo by Bruce Kluckhohn/NHL
Bruce Kluckhohn/Getty Images

 

Clutterbuck You

If subtlety is your thing, we've got the perfect name for your fantasy team. This is a NSFW team name if there's ever been one.

NEWARK, NJ - SEPTEMBER 6:  David Backes of the St. Louis Blues is photographed during the NHL Media Tour at the Prudential Center on September 6, 2013 in Newark, New Jersey.  (Photo by Jeff Zelevansky/Getty Images)
Jeff Zelevansky/Getty Images

 

Backes Spasms

For those of you in deep keeper leagues, this is the name for you. It represents what happens to your back after staring at stat lines and waiver wires for hours on end. We may or may not love Dobber Hockey.

Jun 30, 2013; Newark, NJ, USA; NHL commissioner Gary Bettman during the 2013 NHL Draft at the Prudential Center. Mandatory Credit: Ed Mulholland-USA TODAY Sports
Ed Mulholland-USA TODAY Sports

 

Bettman Returns

You can troll two different fanbases at once with this gem. People seem to be pretty upset about Ben Affleck playing Batman, and no one likes Gary Bettman.

 

Doughty Deeds Done Dirt Cheap

AC/DC and hockey just seem to go together naturally, so this name works. And two points for alliteration.

 

Atkinson Diet

Jan 21, 2013; Columbus, OH, USA; Columbus Blue Jackets right wing Cam Atkinson (13) skates in on gaol against the Detroit Red Wings during the shootout at Nationwide Arena. Detroit defeated Columbus  4-3 in a shootout. Mandatory Credit: Russell LaBounty-U
Russell LaBounty-USA TODAY Sports

You have a chance to get in on the ground floor with this name. Cam Atkinson of the Columbus Blue Jackets hasn't made himself a household name just yet but has the talent to do so.

 

Karlssons of Anarchy

If you happen to be a fan of the show and the Ottawa Senators, you just ran out to join a league tonight.

 

Pimpin' Ain't Parise

You have to mispronounce the name to truly get it to work, but it's the thought that counts, right? Pimpin' ain't easy. Parise. Pah-ree-zay.

 

Shipping and Yandle-ing

Hypothetically, you work for the US Post Office and realize that Keith Yandle could be a top-five fantasy defenseman this season. If you fit into this small demographic, we've got the perfect name for you.

WASHINGTON - APRIL 19:  Sami Kapanen #24 of the Philadelphia Flyers skates with the puck during game five of the 2008 NHL Stanley Cup Playoffs Eastern Conference Quaterfinals against the Washington Capitals on April 19, 2008 at the Verizon Center in Washi
Mitchell Layton/Getty Images

 

Bust a Kapanen

Sami hasn't been in the NHL for a while, but who could resist the chance to use a Finnish hockey player's name while adding gangster appeal to their team name?

NEW YORK, NY - SEPTEMBER 06: National Hockey League (NHL) player Patrick Sharp of the Chicago Blackhawks speaks with traders on the floor of the New York Stock Exchange (NYSE) after ringing the opening bell on September 6, 2013 in New York City. NHL is ce
Ramin Talaie/Getty Images

 

SHARPNADO!

A play on words for the criminally bad and sadly overblown made-for-TV movie SHARKNADO, why not incorporate a possible 20-goal scorer into your team name if you have the chance?

 

I Can See Cleary Now

Dan Cleary has one of the best comeback stories in recent NHL memory, so it only seems natural to tie his name to one of the most feel-good songs ever. Just try not to smile.

ARLINGTON, VA - AUGUST 26:  Brandon Saad poses after being named a candidate for the 2014 USA Hockey Olympic Team at the Kettler Capitals Iceplex on August 26, 2013 in Arlington, Virginia.  (Photo by Bruce Bennett/Getty Images)
Bruce Bennett/Getty Images

 

Breaking Saad

Timely since the popular television series is coming to an end right as the hockey season gets underway. Unless you're one of the 17 people who aren't watching Breaking Bad or really dislike the Chicago Blackhawks, this one could be the way to go.

WINNIPEG, MB - SEPTEMBER 26: Olli Jokinen #12 of the Winnipeg Jets misses the puck as he attempts to score against the Boston Bruins in second period action during an NHL preseason game at the MTS Centre on September 26, 2013 in Winnipeg, Manitoba, Canada
Marianne Helm/Getty Images

 

Relax I Was Olli Jokinen

It's one thing to be able to use one portion of a player name in your team title, but this is ridiculous. A full name? While it isn't overly clever, you'd likely be the only person in your league with an entire player's name making up a portion of your squad name.

DENVER, CO - SEPTEMBER 18:  Alex Tanguay #40 of the Colorado Avalanche skates against the Anaheim Ducks during preseason action at Pepsi Center on September 18, 2013 in Denver, Colorado. The Ducks defeated the Avalanche 2-1.  (Photo by Doug Pensinger/Gett
Doug Pensinger/Getty Images

 

They Tuukka My Stanley Cup

Too soon?

 

Wu Tanguay Clan

Another way to pay homage to your hip-hop roots while playing fantasy hockey...and utilizing the name of a French Canadian while you're at it.

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