Iman Shumpert better have a good excuse for ruining our day.
The horror. The absolute horror.
Shump's do was one of the best things in the NBA. Not just in hairstyles, but everything. Yet he just shaved it off like it was nothing. He didn't consult us first or anything.
Suffering through a loss like this can be difficult, so I implore you to look back on all the fond hightop memories you have while listening to Vitamin C's "Graduation Song" on loop.
Shumpert has graduated to a different haircut. It's a more conventional, smaller, unsettlingly boring style that is no longer worth fawning over or duplicating.
Gone are the days when courtside ticket-holders couldn't see while he was sitting on the bench. He won't be mentioned in the same breath as "beehives" anymore. That option his barber had of entering a shrubbery-carving contest and winning? Finished. Kaput.
Worse still, you can take those Fresh Prince of Bel-Air comparisons and replace them with, well, anyone who has ever sported a crew cut.
After you're done lamenting the absence of Shumpert's skyscraper, take a moment to be thankful for Nerlens Noel.
Noel may not be ready to play, and when he is, his Philadelphia 76ers are still going to be terrible. But at least the flattop lives on through him.
You may now proceed to shower him with praise and/or mail him haircare products in bulk. Do whatever it takes to show him that we need his hair more than ever.
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