Athletes with the Most Off-the-Court Swag
Google describes "swag" as "an ornamental festoon of flowers, fruit, and greenery." But I listen to enough snapback-inspired mixtape rap to know that definition is a moth-eaten corpse.
While the meaning of "swag" is in constant metamorphosis, I'm pretty sure it has something to do with wearing Maison Martin Margiela motorcycle jackets and posting one's bottle service receipts on Instagram.
So, in an effort to find the swaggiest of athletes, I turned to the photo-sharing juggernaut for some digitally filtered, off-the-court revelry.
Behold my findings.
Warning: Don't look at professional surfer Alana Blanchard's feed if you're slaving away in a cubicle or suffering from cuffing season loneliness.
It's nothing but bikini-clad hijinks with a tropical backdrop, and the blissful aura of this woman's life is almost palpable.
Alana, if you're reading this, I'm a classically trained pastry chef and my favorite pastimes include playing with German Shepherd puppies and watching Emma Stone movies. Call me, maybe?
Carmelo Anthony's feed is a ceaseless onslaught of diamond encrusted watches, high-end sneakers and self-admiring couple shots.
In other words, No. 7 demonstrates the same unrelenting moxie in his personal life as he does firing up 25 shots per game in Madison Square Garden.
With perceptible confidence and global fame, Cristiano Ronaldo is one of the few guys in the world that can approach Rihanna without a roundhouse kick in the face from her security detail.
When he's not chucking up the deuces with @badgalriri, CR7 can be found crossing fools in Santiago Bernabeu Stadium or chilling poolside with a Russian model.
What's your life like?
Dwyane Wade might be one of the most hated players in the NBA.
But that has as much to do with his custom-fitted Yves Saint Laurent threads and Gabrielle Union as it does "Big 3" pageantry and reacting to every whistle like a texting driver just rear-ended his Range Rover.
Floyd Mayweather Jr.
Floyd Mayweather Jr. is the Michael Jordan of off-the-court stunting.
While you take angled pictures of your brunch, this guy adds a Mayfair filter to a Gulfstream Jet full of $100 bills.
Apparently, his "Money" nickname has nothing to do with responsible asset management.
New York Rangers goalie Henrik Lundqvist looks like The Most Interesting Man in the World's trust fund dependent drinking buddy.
This guy is a Polo Black by Ralph Lauren cologne ad personified.
If your idea of a good time is yachting in the Mediterranean or sitting front row at Roberto Cavalli's Milan Fashion Week show, then King Henrik is your style muse.
Johnny Manziel is what happens when you combine the raging hubris of Justin Bieber with Rob Gronkowski's proclivity for partying naked.
If his feed is any indication, Johnny Football is just as good at gracefully pouring Grey Goose from a magnum bottle as he is at escaping the pocket during a zone blitz.
If J.R. Smith were melted down to a liquid form, lab results would show a 90/10 mix of undiluted swag and tattoo ink.
Swish is the closest thing the NBA has to a real-life Kenny Powers, and his personal style reflects that flippant, entitled superstar archetype.
With all due respect to Amar'e Stoudemire's ascot collection, Kevin Durant has the debonair nerd look in a chokehold.
Like Clark Kent with a Nike deal, the Oklahoma City Thunder star is equal parts spindly I.T. guy and bespoke gentleman.
LeBron James is one of the most versatile players in NBA history, and his off-the-court swagger reflects that same uncommon range.
Whether it's a Marcelo Burlon T-shirt or Tom Ford suit, The King needs style tips about as bad as he needs dunking lessons.
As an Olympic athlete, Lolo Jones does most of her #humblebrag-ing from the gym.
This woman shows more swag with chin-ups and deadlifts than most people do with tailored blazers and Canary diamond watches.
Paul Bissonnette's life seems to be one giant cabana party, with the occasional hockey game mixed in for good measure.
To scroll BizNasty's feed is to watch a Coors Light commercial, only with 50-times the ice and cleavage.
From gorgeous women to beach vacations, this guy lives every 15-year-old bro's fantasy.
Reggie Bush has the look of a guy that could score the cover of GQ in a Tommy Bahama camp shirt and Teva sandals.
As the Force is to Luke Skywalker, self-assured machismo is to this Lions running back.
Undoubtedly, the comments section of this piece will include no fewer than 100 incensed, poorly spelled grievances of Russell Westbrook's inclusion.
Whether you cosign his pattern eccentricities or deplore them, Westbrook is the de facto Cary Grant for the NBA's style revolution.
As tastelessly garish as it may be, your girl would prefer an all-over-print Lacoste button-up to that salsa stained Peyton Manning jersey in your closet.
Let the haters hate, No. 0. They'll all dress like you in five years anyway.
Victor Cruz went from an undrafted liability to a household name in less time than it takes to do a salsa dance 8-count.
Despite working a seasonal job, Cruz lands more magazine covers than James Franco and gets more commercial acting work than Jared the Subway guy.
Justin Bieber notwithstanding, no one turns swag into dollars like this Giants wide receiver.
A typical work shift for Usain Bolt lasts less than 10 seconds.
So, needless to say, the Jamaican sprinter has a lot of time to pose in front of sports cars.
From the club's VIP area to the bow of a yacht, Bolt's life is as golden as his sizable collection of medals.