Look How Rich These Athletes Are!
Instagram is where many people meticulously document their lives with cellphone photos. The view from your seat in coach: click! That mediocre meal at Dave & Busters: click! Your dog taking yet another nap: click!
That's the life that most of us know, appreciating the little things because that's what most things are. That's okay though, because all of the little things make us appreciate the occasional big thing.
Professional athletes, on the other hand, have a very different existence. Standing outside the private jet: click! Trying to decide what to pick from a box full of jewels: click! Another four star meal in another four star hotel: click!
There isn't much appreciating the little things when you're living this freaking large. Look at how rich these athletes are!
It looks like Florida State alum Darnell Dockett put a few bucks down on the big ACC showdown between and FSU-Clemson last month. Something tells me he didn't bet on those Tigers.
Naturally, he took to Instagram to boast about his (literal) piles of money after the game. And there's no love lost between the two sides; the photo was captioned "F*** Clemson!"
One of the most frustrating things for us normals is to see the piles and piles of free stuff that rich people get. It's like a catch-22…except it's difficult for us, not them.
Well, apparently this is what meets Rockets big man Dwight Howard in hotel rooms, occasionally. And he probably doesn't have to pay for the room either.
He may do a lot of running and carrying for the Lions in Detroit, but running back Reggie Bush doesn't have to move a muscle or carry a thing when he travels in the offseason.
Bush spent a little time in glorious St. Tropez this past offseason, and he didn't even have to fly lowly commercial with the plebs to get there. A private jet is the ultimate luxury ride.
There are few people on Earth who have it better than superstar skateboarder Tony Hawk. His kids are actually the first few people that come to mind.
It looks like Hawk's house is outfitted with an amazing arcade, complete with a virtual pinball machine. I didn't even know virtual pinball machines existed.
Delving into the fashion world is something a lot of ridiculously rich athletes do. You can count 49ers tight end Vernon Davis among those ridiculous rich athletes.
Over the offseason, he wasn't just spotted sitting front row at a fashion show—it looks like he was actually in a fashion show, walking the runway and hobnobbing with the models.
The Wizard's John Wall is definitely a big spender, but at least he's not spending it all on stupid crap for himself. He's spending a pretty penny on the children in his life too!
Last year there were at least two little kids that had a very merry Christmas. Those scooters are a lot cooler than my first and second car.
And I don't even have a car anymore. Well played, toddlers.
Wow. Rehabbing from major knee surgery never looked so fun! American alpine skier Lindsey Vonn has a very picturesque training ground in Austria.
What—you don't do all your training outdoors in an Austrian valley? And seriously, a trampoline built into the ground like an in-ground swimming pool!?
At least one person is getting use out of the hashtag: #lovemyjob
For Buccaneers wide receiver Mike Williams it seems that everything is golden, except for when it's diamond encrusted. Ya know…no big deal.
That looks like Jay-Z's Ace of Spades champagne. Ya know…no big deal.
That also looks like a gang sign, but don't quote me on that. Let's just say I know a lot more about champagne than I do about gang signs.
Knicks free-agent wannabe Carmelo Anthony is a spokesperson for some brand of super-duper, crazy expensive watches. I refuse to print the name because he does enough shilling for them already.
That sponsorship deal likely explains why he's up to his eyeballs in swanky wrist wear. Who knows if he pays for any of them or gets them all for free. Either way…we get it…you're rich as hell, dude.
Chad Ochocinco or Johnson
There have been rumors/stories from TMZ circulating for quite awhile that former NFL wide receiver Chad Ochocinco-Johnson has been hurting for money and/or totally bankrupt.
For his part, Chad has always insisted he's doing just fine. And the almost daily pair of hideous custom kicks he displays on Instagram seems to back up his claims.
It takes a lot of money to look that stupid.
I'd like to know how long it takes your average NBA player to go from playing pick-up games at the playground to the kind of person that decorates his house with marble sculptures.
The Raptors Rudy Gay grew up in Baltimore and played Youth Summer League basketball in D.C.—that according to Wikipedia. And now, he thinks that thing (see photo) would be "chills for the crib."
If "chills" means ridiculous and stupid, then he's exactly right.
Cardinals rookie corner Tyrann Mathieu doesn't actually say if this is his toilet or if it's an aspiration toilet. "Kings do king things," is all he says.
Because I like Mathieu, for whatever reason, I'm hoping that's not his toilet. I'm also hoping that when he can afford a solid gold throne, he resists the urge.
Otherwise…I'll probably like him less.
I don't know about you, but I've been dying to get my grubby little mitts on a Play Station 4. They're expensive as heck and sold out pretty much everywhere.
You know Heat superstar LeBron James didn't have to wait in line at Best Buy to get his. Sony sent him one early, personally engraved with the release date and @KingJames.
Life is unfair.
His and her bling—usually hers is a little blingier than his. When it comes to Ravens wide receiver Torrey Smith and his wife, that's obviously not the case.
That's one helluva a big engagement ring on the right, which gives you a sense of how massive Super Bowl rings actually are.
Everyone knows that athletes, particularly ballers in the NBA, love their Jordans. Although, they don't like to wear them as much as collect and display them.
There's no break-in time required for Clippers superstar Chris Paul, who seems to have a one-and-done wear policy with his game shoes. He gave this pile away to followers last year.
So CP3 collects unworn shoes and his followers collect CP3's dirty shoes. That sounds about right. At least he doesn't burn them and laugh maniacally.
Hopefully Broncos linebacker Von Miller is as good at saving his money as he is at blowing it at Barneys. I guess that's an oxymoron, huh?
In any event, Miller is probably going to have some financial problems in his post-football life if he makes a habit of spending $60,000+ on suits.
Said Instagram user justkim79: "They sell cars at Barneys??"—My thoughts exactly.
J.R. Smith decided to sign with the Knicks because they were willing to also sign his less talented brother, Chris Smith, too. Chris is getting paid $2 million to play in the d-league. J.R. is making substantially more.
Which is lucky for him because he's gonna need a lot of money to keep him in massive gold chains (check out his Instagram for reference) and tricked out Bentleys. And those Bentleys aren't gonna wash themselves.
It's good to be J.R. Smith. It sucks to be the Knicks.
WWE wrestler/actor person The Rock is a pretty big deal and obviously very in demand all over the world. Either that, or he just loves joy riding in private jets.
The Rock's Instagram feed only has four kinds of pictures. 1. The Rock working out. 2. The Rock pausing his workout to pose with fans. 3. The Rock on a movie set.
Annnnnd 4. The Rock on or in the immediate vicinity of a private jet. All he needs is a t-shirt that says "H8ters Gon H8, I'd Rather U CongratuL8."
This is your classic humble brag, minus the humble. Giants defensive back Antrel Rolle captioned this photo, "My escalade is my favorite car to drive…such a moth ride."
First of all, how many cars does Rolle have if this is his favorite of all the cars? Secondly, is he bragging about his Escalade, or is he actually bragging about the Rolex?
Just his driving watch…no big deal. He probably has a Rolex to go with every car.
With high-end, urban real estate, often you're gonna pay as much for the view as for the property itself. And in Miami, it's all about the view.
Well, check out the multi-million dollar view from the terrace of Heat point guard Mario Chalmer's modest Miami crash pad.
Surf legend Kelly Slater has this fossil of a cookiecutter shark. It's unclear whether he bought it or if it was given to him as a gift, but apparently it's a "small creature but symbolic of #BeastMode."
Alrighty then. Middle class people have no time to think about this kinda stuff—we must work too much.
Bears wide receiver Earl Bennett's wife isn't afraid to drop lots of his hard earned money on expensive/ugly gifts for her man. Especially on his birthday.
I did a little Google digging because I couldn't see the price tag on that eyesore. It looks to be an MCM studded stark backpack, which retails for over $800 at Saks.
Oh, and it definitely looks like a girls bag.
If you thought LeBron James had it good with his personally engraved PS4, check out this portable Xbox setup Thunder big man Kevin Durant is "crackin" with.
Said Instagram user guddah: "Must be nice to have money lmao." Took the words right out of my mouth. Minus the "lmao," because I'm totally not laughing.
In fact, I'm crying.
**Speaking of me crying, I'm going to keep doing it forever if you don't follow me on Twitter: Follow @blamberr