Comparing Sports Figures to Super Villains
Imagine comic books without villains.
Go ahead—picture the flowers blooming and every man, woman and child going about their lives without a single care in the world. Think about Superman playing bocci ball and hobnobbing with the Fantastic Four—no mutant alien space invaders or evil geniuses in volcano fortresses to worry about.
You know what that is? Boring.
Villains are as necessary in comic books as they are in sports. You can't have the yin without the yang, and you can't have heroes without bad guys playing opposite.
The following are sports figures and their super villain equivalents.
I'm not saying they're bad guys bent on destroying the world and enslaving humanity, just that we wouldn't be surprised if they tried.
These two are proof that power and resources will not make you happy or a winner.
Bending metal to his will, Jerry Jones constructed an opulent manse designed to give fans the best of all things.
Like Magneto, however, Jones' inability to manipulate and control the hearts of men has been his ultimate downfall.
While Ray Lewis' mask begs for this comparison, the connection between the Ravens linebacker and Bane extends a bit from there.
Both are somewhat redeemable villains with troubled pasts, and they both enjoy speaking in public more than anything in the world.
Seriously, they could kill opponents just by talking them to death.
As I've mentioned before, Floyd Mayweather and Deadpool are extremely gifted at combat and enjoy running their mouths.
Granted, Deadpool takes a lot more damage than the boxing champ, but their ability to get in close and dispatch their opponents quickly makes for the perfect match.
Brock Lesnar—The Juggernaut
"OH, IT'S THE JUGGERNAUT!"
Wait, nevermind. Sorry, guys—Brock Lesnar just burst through the door with a red salad bowl on his head. False alarm, everyone.
To be fair, they're practically the same person.
Super strength? Check. Gigantic All consuming desire for destruction? You know it.
Ndamukong Suh is the Abomination of the National Football League—a freakishly strong anti-Hulk with zero regard for human life.
The clincher, however, is the fact they have the exact same pair of ears.
Alex Rodriguez—Two Face
I've said this before, and I'll say it again—A-Rod was once the hero of Gotham, but has fallen far from grace in light of ongoing steroids accusations.
He puts on a good face, but it's become clear that there's a darker side to Rodriguez than meets the eye.
Metta World Peace—Bizarro
Weird, strong and sometimes a simpleton, Metta World Peace is the lovable anti-hero of the NBA.
Like Bizarro, we don't always know what he's thinking—if he's thinking—but we know he maintains an inordinately high opinion of himself.
Ronda Rousey—Dark Phoenix
Powerful. Irresistible. Kind of a huge jerk.
All of these traits describe Ronda Rousey and her super-villain alter ego, Dark Phoenix. She used to be everyone's darling, and potentially the ultimate weapon for good.
But dear God, things have changed.
Raiders owner Mark Davis isn't a diabolical floating head bent on destroying humanity, but he does share a barber with one.
These are two evil Renaissance men who do things simply because they can.
Much like Grendel, Richard Sherman excels in pretty much every field he enters—and he doesn't make many friends while doing so. The Seattle Seahawks' resident scholar is masterful in coverage, fluent in trash talk and 100 percent better at life than you.
If anyone could pick up the mantle of Grendel—a writer/fencer/master assassin—it's Sherman.
Chael Sonnen—The Joker
Two jokers whose shtick is getting old fast.
Chael Sonnen has the corner on creative trash talking, but like the Joker, would benefit by shutting up occasionally and focusing on destroying his enemy for once.
"I am the knowledge and strength of 10,000 worlds. I am flesh and machine. I am becoming everything."
Brainiac's mission statement? Or Bill Belichick's wedding vows?
It's difficult to tell, considering both Brainiac and the head coach of the New England Patriots are evil geniuses who enjoy visiting other's homes and conquering their people.
Brainiac and Bill Belichick are cunning, intelligent and extremely good at stealing wins "on the road." Also, they've heard of your so-called "emotions," and are tickled deeply by such endearing evolutionary flaws.
Boom! Head shot! Yeah!
No, Todd Bertuzzi. You and Marvel Comics super-assassin Bullseye might enjoy delivering shots to the dome, but hockey is no place for contract hits.
Darnell Dockett—The Lizard
As the NFL's resident crazy person and gator wrangler, Darnell Dockett has first dibs on being the Lizard should the Cardinals ever allow him to put the rookies through comic role-playing.
And while that may sound far-fetched, it's less of a stretch when you consider how much Dockett enjoys inspiring his younger brethren.
Also, this particular image of the Lizard may or may not be a cartoon rendering of Dockett's face the first time he saw Katherine Webb.
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