The hot topic of discussion amongst all NBA fans right now is, "Who is the best basketball player of all time, LeBron James or Kobe Bryant?"
Several talented writers have written hundreds of amazing articles, taking an in-depth look at each player, their performances, their statistics, and their abilities while backing it up with mind-boggling facts, exploring all their strengths and weaknesses, turning pages of history for comparisons, and making predictions based on their sharp opinions...
Well, safe to say, this is not one of those articles.
Yesterday, I was discussing this topic with my good friend—Michael Jordan, who knows a thing or two about basketball, I guess.
He said he was sick and tired of bloggers having endless wars over who is the best!
So, he suggested we hold a contest: a one-time only one round competition between LeBron James and Kobe Bryant. Each player had to impress the judges by an awesome dunk.
The harder it is, the more points you get of course.
And whoever wins it will be declared the best of the best...ever.
He called up Kobe and LeBron, they agreed too, and the war was on!
We also invited many special guests, including: Stone Cold Steve Austin, Simon Cowell, Paris Hilton, a clown, that guy who did that thing in that movie, & Barney the dino.
We had also invited Al Gore, but we had violated so many environmental regulations while setting up the place that he instead decided to take action against us.
Geez, I can't believe I voted for that guy in 2000. Not that my vote "got counted"... but still!
Back to basketball.
The stage was set, metaphorically speaking.
We were actually just outside my garage. Apart from the unearthly smell, the mess, and the odd raccoon it wasn't such a bad place.
First up was Kobe.
Taking some inspiration from his famous YouTube "stunt" video, he had arranged five cars outside the garage out on the road. And, one by one, they sped up toward him at full speed.
He jumped over one, bounced the basketball on the ground, and then jumped over another one. Then he did a 180 degree turn in mid-air as he jumped over the third car and bounced the ball off the hood of the fourth one.
Then, taking one last definitive look at the basket ten feet away from him, he jumped high up above the fifth car and wham!
He slammed that basketball down the throat of that basket, sending the crowd into an uproar.
Judges were impressed.
Paris said, "Its hot."
While Steve Austin gave it a "Hell Yeah!" rating.
Now, it was LeBron's turn. He was determined to outdo Kobe.
He stacked up three life-size statues of Yao Ming one over the other, blindfolded himself, and tied one hand behind his back.
He bounced the basketball on the ground, and, between each bounce, he successfully kissed one dozen cheerleaders. He did that until he was a few feet away from the basket and all the cheerleaders were done kissing with.
Then he jumped up high, soaring across the sky, tension riding all the faces, hearts beating fast, and people silent in that moment. There he went over the three "Yaos," did a back-flip in mid-air, and slam dunked ever so sweetly!
"That was absolutely awful. I was waiting for it to end the moment it started," said Simon Cowell.
But everyone else loved it.
In fact, the jury loved both the dunks so much they couldn't decide which one was better.
So we were at a tie.
Barney suggested we hold a hamburger eating contest, and so we did.
But again, both ended up eating exactly 16 and three quarter hamburgers in two minutes.
Unbelievable, I know, but I can't possibly be lying about this!
We got a phone call from Susan Boyle and she suggested we hold a classical singing contest to end the dispute. Sing opera even, in high notes...because it is such a wonderful thing. Singing is such a beautiful blessing of God, that we...
But yet again, we couldn't decide who was worse. Uhh...sorry, I meant who was... better. They both were so...uhh...good. Yeah. *avoids eye contact*
We held 63 contests after that from a "yo momma" joke contest, to MMA style fighting.
But, no clear winner. It always ended in a tie.
Finally, Michael Jordan said, "Listen guys, I have an idea."
Everybody paid attention.
"On one of the islands in Hawaii, I have hidden a golden medallion. You both will be flown there.
There are many clues and hints peppered all over the island. Whoever finds the medallion, wins the contest. Deal?"
In a rush of adrenaline, they both agreed.
By dawn, they were both well on their way to Hawaii. We were at the airport as we waved goodbye and good luck.
I looked at Jordan and asked, "Who do you think will win MJ?"
"The contest. Who will find the medallion on Hawaii?"
"Dude, that private aircraft will drop them on a remote South Pacific island."
"Wait...what? Then...how...what...who will win...how will we decide who is the best player in the world?"
He put on his sunglasses and calmly said, "Forget that. Drive me to Detroit. Oh, by the way, I'm making another comeback to the NBA. I just signed a multi-million dollar contract!" He said all of this with the widest grin you can ever imagine!!
*YES. I ADMIT, I AM A MICHAEL JORDAN FAN. AND HE IS THE VERY BEST!*
Disclaimer: The above article is purely fictional; its a comedic look at the present "great debate." The writer has no direct or indirect intention to harm, insult, or belittle ANY person or their achievements.
This is meant for purely amusement purposes. All sports-persons are wonderful in their own way, and the writer strongly believes it is wrong to compare them.
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