5 Questions You'd Love to Ask Manchester City's Sergio Aguero
You are going to be horribly disappointed if you clicked on this slideshow looking for mindless treacle like "if you were an animal, what animal would you be?"
Because here is the thing: My chances of ever actually interviewing Sergio Aguero are basically the same as my chances of someday interviewing a sitting United States president or Jennifer Lawrence.
Of those two, there is really only one choice.
Anyway, if Aguero ever consented to answer five of my questions, they would probably look something like what follows. And because it is probably never going to happen, there is liberty to let it fly a bit and take some chances.
As always, comments to this piece are more than welcome. If you could do better than my five questions, let's hear it.
"If You Could Be Anyone Else Alive Today, Who Would You Be?"
Yes, we are starting with an easy one. As aggressive as an interviewer might want to be, you cannot go firing the big guns in the first eight seconds of the interview. The subject will shut down.
Besides, there are four more opportunities to hit Aguero with a zinger. Right now we are just building rapport with the deponent.
Primarily my goal with this question is to see if Aguero will fall into the trap of saying "there is no one on Earth that I would rather be than myself" or some other egomaniacal tripe.
That is probably exactly what he would say, too. At some level, can you really blame him?
"Was Tiger Woods Right?"
Long before his personal and professional meltdown, Tiger Woods was asked about how thrilling it must be to see the world as a global golf icon.
Woods indicated that, for the most part, what he saw was courtesy cars, 5-star hotels, golf courses and airports.
Aguero is not Woods, not even in world football circles. But he is young and gifted, and he has experienced a lot of the intrusions on his life that Woods had when he made his work existence sound sort of dreary.
What impact does the money, the travel and the fame have on Aguero? And if any of it does bother Aguero, would he admit it and risk sounding as spoiled as Woods did?
"What Really Happened with You and Maradona's Daughter?"
Well, we could not wait too much longer to get into it, right? We only have this question and two more.
You will recall from last October that Giannina Maradona's father Diego had some less than kind words about Aguero, calling him a "wimp" per Charles Reynolds of the Daily Mail.
As Reynolds recalled, "Aguero was married to Giannina, Maradona’s daughter, for four years and has a son, Benjamin, with her, but the two split" last year.
Was there infidelity? By Aguero, by Giannina? Why did Aguero marry so young in the first place?
You're right—we're probably not getting a lot from this question. But it would still be fun to ask it.
"Where Do You Really Want to Play Football?"
That is what City fans most want to know, right? Whether Aguero is happy in Manchester or aching for a new challenge?
To avoid a pat answer like "my contract says I play for City, so this is where I want to play," the question has to be set up as a grandiose hypothetical:
If you had control over all the necessary parties and contractual issues were no longer relevant, would you start the 2014-15 season with City or with another club?
Maybe he would still hold to the party line. But maybe not. Even a coy allusion to another club in the answer would suggest that Aguero has ideas about his future that do not involve wearing sky blue in England.
Never ask a question you are not prepared to hear an honest answer to.
"What About That Goal?"
This was perhaps the biggest moment in the club's history. He lived it.
But my question to Aguero about that goal is not how it felt to score it or whether he could believe his good fortune to be in that place, at that time, etc.
My question is this:
Does the goal you scored against Queens Park Rangers mean as much to you as it does to City's fans?
And the follow-up would be: How could it?