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Unnecessary Sports Movie Sequels

Amber LeeSports Lists Lead WriterMarch 10, 2014

Unnecessary Sports Movie Sequels

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    Though the idea that there can be "too much of a good thing" is worthy of debate, movie studios seem to believe that there can never be too much of anything—particularly when it comes to making a sequel to a moderately successful flick.

    While some movies are launched with every intention to make it a franchise, more often than not, the sequels fail to be as good as the original (with some notable exceptions of course).

    And considering that this trend is fairly consistent, regardless of the quality of the first film, the sequel can be a lot of awful heaped onto bad.   

    Sports movies—in particular—seem to suffer from this phenomenon. Few films about something sports-related seem geared toward a sequel and there are plenty of bad movies that should have never been made to begin with (let alone, allowed to multiply).

    Sometimes a sports flick's sequel is a bald cash grab riding the coattails of a solid, successful film. Other times it's just one of those bad sequels we've come to expect. Or, maybe it's just a head-scratcher.  

    These are unnecessary sports sequels.

D3: The Mighty Ducks

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    In D3: The Mighty Ducks, the Ducks are taken out of the fake world where they’re good enough to beat the 'Hawks and represent the U.S. at the Goodwill Games and put into the even faker world of private school. Naturally, they encounter cheaply manufactured obstacles and people being excessively and needlessly mean to them, only to overcome it all in the end. 

    Who’s Out: No One 

    Who’s In: Sadly, Everyone 

    Best Terrible Review Quote: “Oh, GAWD…they can get WORSE!” 

    Best Terrible Movie Quote

    Charlie Conway: [After Cole steals his lunch] Aww! C’mon, my mommy made me brownies. 

    Fulton: Yeah, fresh warm ones.

    Rick: It’s too bad about your bash brother, I heard he was too scared to leave home. 

    Fulton: Portman ain’t scared of nothin’. 

    Cole: Ew, what the hell kind of brownies are these?

    Charlie Conway: I gotta tell her to stop using horse turds in the recipe.

The Next Karate Kid

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    Released a decade after the original, The Next Karate Kid is part sequel, part reboot—100 percent unwanted. Part four of the series changes it up, replacing Daniel LaRusso with Julie Pierce. The story returns to high school, with all kinds of extra added estrogen-induced angst. 

    Who’s Out: Ralph Macchio 

    Who’s In: Hilary Swank 

    Best Terrible Review Quote: “Not that girls will go see this or boys will care.”

    Best Terrible Movie Quote

    Julie Pierce: I wish I had courage like you.

    Mr. Miyagi: I wish I had chocolate bar with almonds. 

    Get it? Girls like chocolate! Har…har…har.

Bring It On: All or Nothing

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    How a mediocre cheerleader movie spawned four sequels is anybody’s guess. Even if they were all direct-to-video, the fact that these things even exist is a testament to the fact that people will watch anything if you throw some cheerleaders into the mix. All or Nothing is basically the story of what would have happened to Torrance Shipman, had she moved to East Compton, rather than just snaking the Clovers’ routines. 

    Who’s Out: The entire cast from both the original and the various sequels before 

    Who’s In: Hayden Panettiere, Solange Knowles, Rihanna 

    Best Terrible Review Quote: “If those are my choices, I’ll go with ‘nothing.’”  

    Best Terrible Movie Quote

    Tyson: Yo pop tart, you got any black in you?

    Britney: No. 

    Tyson: You want some?

    Also Awful: Bring It On Again/In it to Win It/Fight to the Finish

Caddyshack II

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    Caddyshack II was released eight years after the original classic came out in 1980. For some unknown reason (which must have been drugs) Chevy Chase decided to come back. For obvious reasons, nobody else did. Considering the lazily similar story and location, it’s impressive how much worse the sequel actually was. 

    Who's Out: Billy Murray, Rodney Dangerfield

    Who's In: Jackie Mason, Robert Stack, Randy Quaid, Dan Akroyd 

    Best Terrible Review Quote: “It’s patronizing and clumsily manipulative, and top banana Jackie Mason is upstaged by the gopher puppet.” 

    Best Terrible Movie Quote

    Capt. Tom Everett: If I pull the arrow out, will you p-please s-suck out the poison?

    Ty Webb: Let me get this straight. You pull it out, I suck. Is there any money in it for me?

Slap Shot 2: Breaking the Ice

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    The best thing that can be said about Slapshot 2 is that it waited 25 years to desecrate the original. The worst thing is that the legendary Paul Newman lived long enough to see himself replaced by the likes of the legendarily wretched Stephen Baldwin. 

    Who’s Out: Paul Newman 

    Who’s In: Stephen Baldwin 

    Best Terrible Review Quote: “I was sent a copy of this film to review on DVD. For free. I still want my money back.”

    Best Terrible Movie Quote: “Jesus Christ Claremont, you promised us a f-----g family show! This is Apocalypse Now…on ice.”

    *Also Awful: Slap Shot 3: The Junior League

Herbie Rides Again

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    Surprisingly enough the sequel to The Love Bug was relatively well-received by critics—at least according to critics on RottenTomatoes decades after the fact—but the audience didn’t seem particularly fond of it. And, given what I’ve seen from clips online, I can’t really blame them. 

    Who’s Out: Everyone 

    Who’s In: Everyone Else 

    Best Terrible Review Quote: “Plays like an ad for Volkswagen.”  

    Best Terrible Movie Quote

    Willoughby Whitfield: Let’s stop kidding ourselves, okay? This is just an ordinary little car. Like a million other ordinary, rather unattractive…

    [Suddenly, Herbie takes off down the road]

    Nicole Harris: I don’ think you should’ve said that. Herbie’s very sensitive about his appearance! 

    *Also Awful: Herbie Goes to Monte Carolo, Herbie Goes Bananas, Herbie Fullie Loaded

Teen Wolf Too

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    The studio must have been absolutely stunned that Teen Wolf was a hit, given what a huge heaping pile of cinematic garbage it was. So you can’t really blame them for trying to catch garbage juice lightning in a bottle a second time two years later. That being said, trading in Michael J. Fox for Jason Bateman and basketball for boxing took away far more from the appeal than the suits had imagined. 

    Who’s Out: Michael J. Fox

    Who’s In: Jason Bateman 

    Best Terrible Review Quote(s): “Why? Oh, God, whyyyyyy?” and “Dismal. The first one wasn’t great either.” and “The sequel the world was crying for.”

    Best Terrible Movie Quote

    Todd Howard: I just had a beard over every inch of my body! Fingernails the size of french fries, teeth from here to Texas, and she called me a dog! A DOG!

    Stiles: So…?

The Sandlot 2

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    The 1993 classic The Sandlot is one of the most beloved and nostalgia-inducing movies of an entire generation. The movie looks much the same as the original in terms of scenery, but the big conflict is centered on the “indignity” of having to play baseball with girls! Can you even imagine?

    Who’s Out: Everyone, except James Earl Jones

    Who’s In: Um…James Earl Jones 

    Best Terrible Review Quote: “A caricaturist would draw stink lines emanating from this direct-to-video stillbirth.” 

    Best Terrible Movie Quote

    Mac McKing: You’re a fart-sniffing, road-apple-chewing, scab-licking female dog!

    Singleton: Well, you…

    Mac McKing: I ain’t done yet! You’re ugly, your mama dresses you funny, you stink like toe fungus and you ride the short school bus!

    [And]

    Tarqell: Is that legal?

    Saul: Is what legal?

    Tarquell: Girls, on a baseball diamond.

    *Also Awful: The Sandlot: Heading Home

Major League: Back to the Minors

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    Nine years after the release of the original Major League, this nightmare of a film was released, making a trilogy out of a movie that should’ve ended after the first. The underdog story continues in Back to the Minors, only this time the owner is former bad guy Roger Dorn, who was far more likable as a villain. 

    Who’s Out: Almost no one

    Who’s In: Almost everyone, including Scott Bakula 

    Best Terrible Review Quote: “Unwatchable drivel,” … “And you thought it couldn’t get worse than Part 2.” 

    Best Terrible Movie Quote: 

    Harry Doyle: It’s been awhile. 

    Gus Cantrell: Yeah, well one thing never changes.

    Harry Doyle: What’s that?

    Gus Cantrell: Butterflies.

    Harry Doyle: Oh. What a decade to quit drinking. 

    Also Awful: Major League II

Rocky V

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    Rocky V is kind of like the other movies, in that there is some boxing happening around all the melodrama. The big difference is that Rocky isn’t doing the boxing anymore, because he has devastating brain damage. 

    Who’s Out: Who knows

    Who’s In: Sylvester Stallone, Talia Shire and Sage Stallone 

    Best Terrible Review Quote: “In Rocky V, the underdog is officially diagnosed as ‘brain damaged.’ Yo. So what else is new?” 

    Best Terrible Movie Quote

    Tommy Gunn: Why don’t you become my manager?

    Rocky Balboa: Manger? I ain’t never been manager! The gentleman who owned this place was manager! But me…I was always the managed…guy. 

    Also Awful: All of the Rocky movies after the first two.

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