Sickest Sports Jukes, Shakes and Crossovers
Who wants to watch something dirty?
I'm talking about the nastiest jukes and ankle-breaking crossovers to ever occur in sports. We'll have to close the door and everything.
The following are the kind of fake-outs that require Purell and several moments of silence to get over. They're the sickest sports jukes, shakes and crossovers to ever grace our eyes. They are dirty, plain and simple, but watching them feels so good.
"Iggy Pop" isn't just a singer. It's the sound your ankles make after an Andre Iguodala crossover.
Iguodala did Quincy Miller's dishes twice in a single fast break this April, scrubbing Miller with an around-the-back dribble and rinsing him off with a front cross.
Level of Dirtiness: Carnival barker.
The Shady Stop
LeSean McCoy's lateral movement is otherworldly. Nothing human should be able to cut this fast and this drastically.
Watching him run against the Carolina Panthers' B team during the 2013 NFL preseason was like watching a hot piano wire zig-zag through Crisco. It wasn't even fair.
Level of Dirtiness: The Booty Lounge Bus.
Allen Iverson's Deadliness
Picking your favorite Allen Iverson crossover is like choosing your favorite Michael Jackson song.
You have a personal preference, but compelling arguments can be made for most of them. Here's five that deserve to be displayed on repeat in the NBA Hall of Fame.
Level of Dirtiness: Porta John at Ultra.
The Cardiac Kemba Walker Step-Back
Kemba Walker doesn't shred ankles, he turns them to sashimi.
His crossover step-back against Pitt's Gary McGhee in 2011 continues to stand as a Ginsu among dagger shots. Assassins study this video for inspiration.
Level of Dirtiness: Pig-Pen slathered in motor oil.
Neymar's Nasty Roll Flick
Pioneering his own version of the Ronaldinho flip flap, Neymar left this defender with his feet in the sand and umbrella in his drink.
You know you've embarrassed the opponent when he retaliates by taking you to the pitch.
Level of Dirtiness: Kid Rock mustache.
The Reggie Bush Stop-and-Go
No running back did defenses dirty quite like USC-edition Reggie Bush.
He was (and continues to be on occasion) one of those rare backs whose agility short-circuited defenders in their tracks. Bush shook kids so hard they hit the ground and forgot their social security number.
Level of Dirtiness: Slip 'n slide through a septic system.
Barry Sanders Tears Rod Woodson's ACL
We like to talk about players breaking each others ankles, but it's just that: talk.
No one actually fractures someone's ankles, that is, unless you're Barry Sanders. Through a mixture of pure agility and unfortunate timing, Sanders juked Rod Woodson into the operating room during the Steelers' first game of the 1995 season.
Woodson attempted to tackle the Lions running back on a screen play, but planted awkwardly and tore his ACL thanks to a Sanders shoulder shimmy. You hate to see these kinds of things happen to anyone, but the incident stands as a testament to how violently nimble Sanders' moves could be.
Level of Dirtiness: Panama City shot glass.
Nate Robinson Getting Nice on the Perimeter
You know I'd never forget about Nate.
Nate Robinson doesn't dribble with the ball so much as he teleports spot by spot toward the basket like Nightcrawler. He's had some questionable double dribble-ish takes to the cup, but this drive's legitimacy stands unquestioned.
Here we see Robinson setting up a nice picnic for Jose Calderon on the hardwood. No need for lawn chairs. The pine is just fine.
Level of Dirtiness: Lohan.
Dante Hall: The Human Joystick
Crossovers don't happen in the NFL.
Allow me to restate that: Crossovers didn't happen in the NFL until Dante Hall showed up and tossed everyone's ankles into the smoothie machine.
Level of Dirtiness: Kindergarten playground. They are PACKED with bacteria.
Teague on Teague Crime
You think you'd stand a better chance of not being embarrassed by your sibling in sports.
Growing up with them, you know their tendencies. You've seen all their moves.
Marquis Teague has not seen all of Jeff Teague's moves. He did not know that big brother Jeff had been working on his slickness, and found himself slip slidin' away after a mean crossover on Friday.
Level of Dirtiness: Rug marbles.
LeBron Leaves Batum Leaking
After finding himself on the wrong end of a Nicolas Batum Windex-ing in 2011, LeBron James responded with a ridiculous lunging cross later in the season.
Batum nearly disappeared from the screen after biting on James' feint. It looked like he fell onto a moving sidewalk.
Level of Dirtiness: ODB.
Tedd Ginn Jr. Reverses the Game
There was a time when Ted Ginn Jr. was the deadliest athlete in the game. We'll never know what happened to that man, but dear God, could he move.
Level of Dirtiness: Bangkok tattoo parlor.
No one has a more ironic last name than Lionel Messi.
The man cuts like a Tron bike. There is nothing sloppy or loose about his play. His handles are snare drum-tight, and this goal against Getafe in 2007 shows exactly the impact one man can have on the pitch.
Level of Dirtiness: Burning Man.
CP3 Shredding Knees
He wasn't ready. At all.
Chris Paul's crossover skills are the stuff of lore. There are any number of examples you could pick out as your personal favorite.
That said, there's something about the way James Jones fell down and held onto Paul that makes this a next-level example of what a crossover can do to a man. Jones ended this play looking like the dog in the Coppertone ads.
Level of Dirtiness: Poop deck on the Viking Love Boat.
The Barry Sanders Triple Turnaround
No number of Super Bowl trophies can heal the hurting Barry Sanders left on the Patriots in 1994.
I presume Harlon Barnett (No. 42) wakes up and applies horse liniments to his knees every day after this ridiculous run by Sanders. His respect for the Lions running back ran so deep that he couldn't even feel humiliated after being turned around three times.
"I'm not embarrassed about what happened," Barnett said. "I thought I did pretty good. I got in front of him twice...I just didn't stay there."
Level of Dirtiness: El Camino ash tray.
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