Sickest Dunks and Plays of 2013-14 NBA Regular Season
The NBA regular season is dead. Long live the NBA regular season.
With the playoffs scheduled to start this Saturday, basketball fandom is about to reach a fevered pitch—that annual rite of spring where you’d rather shut the blinds and flip on the Oklahoma City Thunder and San Antonio Spurs than go outside and partake in the sunlight and oxygen you’ve deprived your body of for the past six months.
Why start now?
But we’d be remiss if we didn’t do our darndest to compile some of the best, most ridiculously athletic and physics-negating plays of the 2013-14 regular season. Some of them you’ve no doubt seen. Others, you may have missed during one of your 500 snow-shovel workouts. That’s why we’re here.
So brush your teeth and put on your Wednesday best. An Irish sweater and Hammer pants is fine. Because you have a hot date with some smokin’ basketball plays. We’ll even give you our number.
James Harden Is Silly
James Harden is like a glitch in Halo that magically teleports you from certain death to right behind your would-be killer. I’ve never actually played Halo. But James Harden has certainly played basketball. For, like, billions of hours. No other explanation for pulling something like this off.
Andre Iguodala: Pete Maravich in Disguise
Is there any more underappreciated player in the NBA than the Golden State Warriors’ Andre Iguodala? Besides Gheorghe Muresan? We all know about his defensive versatility and ridiculous hops. But what about his passing?
If you or I tried to do this, we’d be deported.
Iman Shumpert Collects Ankles
Look, we know this is sort of a stretch for a top season play. This is for Knicks fans, who just endured one of the most aggravating, spleen-melting seasons in franchise history. They love them some Iman Shumpert. They also really, really despise Paul Pierce.
Stop calling New York-area cemeteries, Knicks fans. Pierce got up.
LeBron James Makes Ben McLemore Consider Retirement
This LeBron James dunk—easily one of the top five of the season—can be understood as the line of demarcation for Ben McLemore’s existence. Right before LeBron takes off, McLemore is a 20-year-old NBA rookie with oodles of upside. By the time King James lands, Ben is two years old. He’s just learning how to walk.
Paul Millsap Eats His Count Chocula
We don’t tend to think of Paul Millsap as a high-flyer. His game, though graceful, tends to be of the more ground-bound variety. And that’s probably what Jared Sullinger was thinking, right before Paul Millsap took his pride and put it in a trash incinerator.
You have to love the color commentator’s reaction. Like he just watched a squirrel get run over by truck.
Andre Drummond Invents the Blocksist
I don't know what the best way to attack Andre Drummond is, but I’m pretty sure it’s not “loft the ball toward the rim as gently as possible.” Nando De Colo found this out the hard way, becoming the first player in NBA history to miss a shot while simultaneously tallying an assist for the other team.
One hundred percent chance Gregg Popovich made Nando push the team bus to the airport.
Paul George Will Be Leaving Spacetime Now
Five thousand people just showed up on my front lawn with pitchforks and samurai swords demanding we do another dunk. So here’s Paul George with his insta-viral 360-degree windmill masterpiece from back in January.
Again, the booth reaction is priceless. That’s the noise I make every time my Hollandaise sauce turns out right.
James Johnson's Backboard Back-Breaker
What would a beautiful basketball playlist be without a little bit of free jazz? Out of options and without a dribble, James Johnson made the most of his surroundings, while making the Los Angeles Clippers look like fools.
Either you’re actually allowed to do that, or the referees were afraid they’d have their souls eaten if they T’d Johnson up.
LeBron and D-Wade's Christmas Miracle
Wouldn’t it be amazing if LeBron James and Dwyane Wade played on the same…
Was that his left hand? I believe that was his left hand. LeBron James' left hand just got into Princeton.
Jeff Green Hits Game-Winner from Parking Lot
OK, it can’t all just be silly dunks and birthday cake for the Miami Heat. And Boston Celtics fans deserve to relive one of the rare high notes in an otherwise forgettable season. Here’s Jeff Green doing his best Ray-Allen-Game-6-of-the-2013-Finals impression.
And over LBJ’s outstretched meathook, no less. I bet Jeff Green celebrated by going to Denny’s. Miami is known for its Denny’s.
Andre Iguodala Isn't Done with You
This guy again? The Golden State Warriors are known for having some of the loudest, most knowledgeable fans anywhere—something that becomes obvious the second Andre Iguodala turns Quincy Miller into a pile of Jenga blocks.
Look at Iggy’s face! “Am I going to jail for that?”
Who Needs a Face? Not LeBron
There’s really no way to preface this other than “LeBron James dunked over Serge Ibaka despite having his nose broken while suspended in the air.” That actually happened. This actually happened.
Mind you, that’s not Tayshaun Prince hitting LeBron in the face. That’s Serge Ibaka. Extrapolate the physics out; it’s basically the equivalent of me standing on the ladder and hitting LeBron as hard as I can with a baseball bat. Amazing.
Gerald Green Hurts Kenneth Faried's Feelings
And so begins our two-part fugue entitled, Kenneth Faried: Lamentations. Our first movement features Gerald Green—he of the renaissance year—taking off from somewhere near Dubuque, Iowa, and dunking on Faried back in Denver, Colorado.
What’s with that announcer? This isn’t the Westminster Kennel Club Dog Show. Enthuse yourself!
Terrence Ross Hurts What's Left of Faried's Feelings
In our second and final movement, we hear the story of Terrence Ross taking whatever Gerald Green left of Faried’s will and selling it for one Zimbabwean dollar.
The best part about this is watching Ross plan this out basically from his hotel room in Denver the night before.
Andrea Bargnani: Andrea Bargnani
Shhh....don't say a word. Just drink it in.