2014 NFL Draft Doppelgangers
Who wants more draft analysis? Me neither.
We're less than a week away from the NFL draft, and once again, no one anywhere knows what in the sweet hell is going to happen this Thursday. Will the Houston Texans pick Jadeveon Clowney? Johnny Manziel? What about those tomatoes growing in the backyard? They look ripe to me.
No one knows what is going to happen Thursday, but we'll continue to hear a whole lot about what people think is going to happen until, you know, it happens. In the meantime, let's kick back and enjoy some NFL draft doppelgangers.
These are the lookalikes for some of the top college football stars who will be selected this year. Some are closer than others, but rest assured, you'll find one that suits your fancy.
Odell Beckham Jr.—Darnell Dockett
Odell is Darnell. Darnell is Odell. They are one.
There are few discernible differences between LSU wideout Odell Beckham Jr. and Arizona Cardinals defensive tackle Darnell Dockett. Fittingly enough, the Cardinals' draft order (20th pick) is nearly in line with Beckham's projection (23rd on SI.com's Chris Burke's board), meaning Dockett might haze the rookie version of himself this fall.
And then the world would implode.
AJ McCarron—Luke Bryan
Jadeveon Clowney—Clifford from The Muppets
This doppelganger idea comes from Austin of KorkedBats.com, who had the insane lookalikes skills to associate South Carolina defensive end Jadeveon Clowney with Clifford from The Muppets.
I don't know how you pieced this together, sir, but well done.
Taylor Lewan—Richie Incognito
Michigan offensive tackle Taylor Lewan looks like Richie Incognito's little brother, and he has the tattoos and mean streak (read: assault and battery charges) to boot!
Jace Amaro—Javier Bardem
Oh, look: two giant, horrifying men who could kill me as easily as slicing bunt cake.
Texas Tech tight end/manimal Jace Amaro looks like a slightly (only slightly) younger version of actor Javier Bardem.
Blake Bortles—Kris Humphries
Humphries and Bortles.
Premium shoe tailor? Or terrible law firm?
UCF quarterback Blake Bortles and Boston Celtics forward Kris Humphries share many of the same features, but there's a difference in energy here. Humphries' face still contains a zest for life (somehow), while Bortles possesses the look of a father whose kids resent him so he's turned to fist fighting with coworkers in an underground parking lot.
You get what I'm saying.
Greg Robinson—Craig Robinson
Auburn offensive tackle Greg Robinson is a powerful run-blocker with great size and huge upside, though scouts are concerned with his ability to fit inside hot tub time machines.
Aaron Murray—Milo Ventimiglia
A friend of mine who's a huge Heroes fan suggested that Georgia quarterback Aaron Murray looks like actor Milo Ventimiglia, but I think we may be giving Murray a bit too much credit here.
Don't get me wrong, Murray is a good looking man. But we'd all order the Venti if it came down to it.
Marqise Lee—Charlie Murphy
If you aged USC wideout Marqise Lee with about 20 years of hard partying, you'd get comedian Charlie Murphy.
For the record, I'm not the only one who sees the resemblance.
Johnny Manziel—Atticus Shaffer
I was too contrarian cool to watch a lot of The Middle earlier in life (I have my regrets), but I do remember a little kid name "Brick" who always had a smarmy grin on his face.
That kid is actor Atticus Shaffer, and he shares an almost identical array of facial features with Texas A&M quarterback Johnny Manziel. I'd say the two should meet, but the sheer amount of bottle rocket-on-feline crime would be staggering.
Jason Verrett—J. Cole
Cut off his hair and give that man a mustache!
TCU cornerback Jason Verrett is just the younger version of rapper J. Cole; however, Verrett doesn't live with the constant threat of eyebrow unification.
Derek Carr—Chris Pine
I think it's the eyes. Yeah, it's got to be the eyes.
Fresno State quarterback Derek Carr might not be elite like actor Chris Pine (he played Jack Ryan, you know), but he could be the surprise bargain out of this draft.
At least we know he'll never go full David Carr, so that's always a plus.
Who are these children making millions of dollars?
Well, Louisville quarterback Teddy Bridgewater hasn't made any money yet due to hypocrisy NCAA rules, but his doppelganger, Ma$e, more than makes up for it, having sold his rhymes and equally boyish likeness to over 270,000 hip hop fans by the age of 20.
Mike Evans—Jerry Ferrara
If Texas A&M wide receiver Mike Evans had an older brother who absorbed all the shortness in the family genes, it would be actor Jerry Ferrara.
Essentially, Evans is Turtle on stilts.
Sammy Watkins—Lil Wayne
Look past the layers of tattoos, bandages and diamond-encrusted futility. See that young, just-happy-to-be-here kid in Lil Wayne's face?
Me neither, but rest assured, there was once such a young and vital Wayne, and he looked like Clemson wide receiver Sammy Watkins. Stay off the Adderall, Sammy, or next thing you know you'll be face-tatted and reading Wikipedia articles about black holes for days on end.*
On the Twitters.