The Best Sports/Celebrity Feuds
You'd think professional athletes and celebrities would have little cause to bump heads.
"I'm rich. You're rich. Let's eat T-Rex omelets and spray frankincense on the poor! It's the most balling-est thing you can do!"
Unfortunately, we're human beings, and we're going to claw each other's eyes out for no good reason at all. Thus we have sports-celebrity beefs—a priceless occasion when two famous people from different worlds start personal battles over ultimately pointless trivia.
Today we'll be taking a look at some of the best sports-celebrity feuds, ranging from the hilarious to the ridiculously misguided.
No one finds Lolo Jones more entertaining than Lolo Jones.
The hurdler-turned-bobsledder enjoys using Twitter as her personal open mic night, and some of her latest material included a veiled shot at Rihanna.
"It's amazing that Drake is hosting the @Espys but it's gonna be tough for him to hand out all those awards to Rihanna's ex boyfriends," Jones wrote.
Oooh. Got 'em! Sorta!
Rihanna never answered—presumably because she has no idea who Jones is—but that didn't stop Rihanna fans from losing their collective minds in retaliation. I think more people took a stick to Jones over the Internet than voted in the last election.
Let's Settle This: Shovel Fight.
Darnell Dockett—AJ McCarron / Katherine Webb
The pro on soon-to-be-pro feud brewing between Darnell Dockett and AJ #McHumble is set to "slow (jamz) boil."
Their uncomfortable correspondence began in earnest after Brent Musburger began eye-bathing McCarron's girlfriend Katherine Webb at the 2013 BCS title game. Dockett, the discerning television viewer he is, reached out to Webb over Twitter and extended an invitation to the Wing Stop and the King of Diamonds gentlemen's club.
McCarron, a country boy who doesn't take kindly to such philandering, responded in the only way he knew how: a series of awkwardly polite putdowns about Dockett's work ethic and questionable priorities. Nearly a year has passed since the two began this strange lover's quarrel, and while Dockett has yet to wrest Webb from McCarron's hardworking grasp, he continues to dominate the points battle.
Let's Settle This: Bachelorette style reality show where McCarron and Dockett compete for Webb's love.
Tom Crabtree—Samuel L. Jackson
Tampa Bay Buccaneers fans know him as that guy who caught that one touchdown, but "sports Twitter" enthusiasts know Tom Crabtree as that funny NFL player who loves to mess with people on social media (including friend and former teammate Aaron Rodgers).
A consummate troll, Crabtree enjoys calling out Samuel L. Jackson for using bad language on social media. He doesn't give a damn what Jackson does on Twitter but relishes the responses from the sarcasm-deaf Twitter police ("it's Samuel Jackson!!!! Font follow him if you are so offended and quit trying to censor the man").
Crabtree's trolling reached a high watermark in January when he tweeted he was reporting the actor for foul language during the 49ers vs. Seahawks NFC Championship Game. Jackson responded coyly, Twitter-yelling, "Wait! Some Grown [bleep] man reported me to Who for offensive language?! The Twitter police? The Headmaster? WHO??!!"
Let's Settle This: Lengthy Internet debate on the morality of using adult language in the public sphere where the winner wins nothing.
Merril Hoge—Josh Duhamel
Merril Hoge says a lot of dumb things, but of the many #HotTakes the ESPN analyst has dropped on the nation, his assessment of Tim Tebow as a 230-pound placeholder in the NFL hasn't been wrong.
Regardless, Tebow acolytes remain in the millions in the NFL, and one goes by the name "Josh Duhamel." Like any pro-Tebow fan, the star of Las Vegas doesn't take anti-Tim criticism lying down, and Duhamel came out of the great, blue nowhere in early 2013 when Hoge took a shot at nonexistent Tebow fans in the Broncos fanbase.
Hoge tweeted: "Any bronco fan still think they would be better with Tebow? I've not heard much noise lately? Curious??"
To which Duhamel responded: "hey merril. Wondering why you're such a jealous [bleep] about Tebow? He's 10x the player you were."
That was about the end of things, though I'd drop heavy money to see a Duhamel vs. Hoge debate on live television.
Let's Settle This: Arm wrestling. Loser has to read Tebow bedtime stories for a year.
Chris Bosh—Lil Wayne
The story is dumb and long, but the annotated version goes as follows:
Lil Wayne left a Miami Heat game in a tizzy in February 2013, claiming he was removed by security for rooting for the Lakers. He followed up his supposed dismissal by tweeting "[Bleep] da Heat" and telling the audience at one of his concerts that he engaged in baby forming with Adrienne Bosh, Chris Bosh's wife.
There's a whole Days of Our Lives back story between Wayne and Bosh's wife involving groupie-ism and Adrienne lying about having cancer to trick Wayne out of money. I think Tyler Perry floated it out there along with an attached screenplay and budget proposition.
Either way, Wayne and the Bosh family aren't cool.
Let's Settle This: 1-on-1 Primal Rage showdown.
CM Punk—Chris Brown
It wasn't the face-pulping beatdown that Chris Brown deserves, but CM Punk put the singer in his place during a recent social media battle.
Brown kicked things in 2012 by alleging the WWE wrestler took steroids. Punk responded with a video calling Brown "a sad, cowardly little boy" and suggested the singer put on some gloves and step into the ring if he's such a hard case. Punk also said give the profits of their fight to a battered women's clinic.
Brown responded with a Tweet about steroids/Punk's manhood, thus cementing the wrestler's landslide victory in the exchange (if victory can even be won while arguing with Chris Brown).
Let's Settle This: Charity cage match, as Punk suggested. It's the only way.
Jim Everett—Jim Rome
"I bet you won't do it again."
"I bet I will."
Jim Everett and Jim Rome are not friends—never have been, never will be. Rome dogged the former Los Angeles Rams quarterback during his playing days, calling him "Chris Everett" (a reference to female tennis player Chris Evert) on the air and questioning his toughness.
That approach didn't pan out so well in person.
Let's Settle This: Oklahoma drill—Everett runs, Rome tries to tackle him.
Mike Tyson—LL Cool J
Mike Tyson versus LL Cool J is another deep cut beef from the '90s that involved some graphic and dumb remarks.
The long and short of it is this: Tyson hopped in the video for a Canibus song called "Second Round K.O." in 1997. The single featured lines about Cool J showing off his body to mask his rap shortcomings and how "99% of [Cool J's] fans wear high heels."
Cool J returned with "The Ripper Strikes Back," a diss track calling Tyson "a convicted rapist" and remarking how the boxer's jail time might have left him with some bruising in sensitive areas. Ouch.
Let's Settle This: MMA match. I want to see Cool J's strength versus Tyson's handwork.
Floyd Mayweather Jr.—50 Cent
Tired of "running from" a Manny Pacquiao fight, 50 Cent parted ways with Floyd Mayweather Jr. in 2012.
The rapper called out Mayweather on social media, and the boxer responded saying he looked "cute" in TMT gear. Mayweather also called 50 Cent a "male groupie" who holds his championship belts to feel special.
The two appear to have made up, but the boxer's groupie statements raise a question: What does that make Justin Bieber?
Let's Settle This: Straight walk off, old-school rules.
Doc Rivers—Bill Simmons
Here's how you know the gloves are off for Bill Simmons: He calls you by your birth name.
So when the ESPN columnist-turned-mogul called Doc Rivers "Glenn" in a 2013 tweet, you knew their escalating feud had turned into a mediated fistfight. The history between Simmons and Rivers is long as one of The Sports Guy's columns, and it all came to a head around the end of the 2013 NBA season.
Simmons believed Rivers was playing dodgeball with questions concerning his future in coaching and called the Celtics coach out for not "owning" his aspirations to leave town for the Los Angeles Clippers. Rivers called Simmons an "idiot," and the back and forth continued all week.
They've since buried the hatchet; however, it's unlikely Simmons will ever give Doc a break.
Let's Settle This: One-year job switch. Simmons takes the reins of the Clippers, while Rivers goes long form on Fight Club.
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