20 Reasons You Shouldn't Streak in Sports
Getting naked in public is not something people usually put on the calendar and circle a few times with a red marker. In fact, most of us go to extraordinary lengths to avoid such a spectacle.
Putting your junk on display is a situation reserved for nightmares and—supposedly—something you should imagine other people are doing if you're terrified of public speaking. But even though we try to avoid the act of indecent exposure even under imaginary circumstances, streaking has remained a surprisingly regular part of major public events—and especially sporting events.
The nude—or semi-nude—sprint across a field, court or even rink, used to be something broadcasters could cut away from, which meant that only the occasional rogue jaunt was witnessed by a mass audience. That made the decision one with diminishing returns for the nude attention-seeker.
However, today stadiums and arenas are filled with thousands of de facto cameramen. So even venues far from the spotlight can turn a streaker into a skeevy curiosity, courtesy of Twitter, Instagram and YouTube.
The possibility of becoming masochistic fodder for blogs and inboxes hasn't done much to cut down on the activity—quite the opposite, really. Which is pretty crazy considering the wide array of unsavory outcomes that are almost guaranteed.
With that sage of terrible wisdom, booze, remaining the No. 1 cheerleader for the wannabe streaker—and the possibility of having the moment captured (and viewable) forever—not even a date with a Taser is likely to stop the determined.
Nonetheless, here are 20 reasons why you probably shouldn't streak.
You Could Be Manhandled in Your Bathing Suit Area
Date: October 2010
Event: NCAA college football, Florida State vs. Miami
Streakers, particularly in the United States, are not handled gently by event security. Streakers are basically hunted down like wild game—chased, tackled and dragged out of sight. The last thing security is worried about is accidentally getting fresh while hauling someone’s naked butt off the field.
You Could Get Leveled by a Cricketer
Date: March 2008
Event: Tri-Series One Day International Cricket Series, India vs. Australia
Back in 2008 Australian cricketer Andrew Symonds absolutely leveled a streaker—this photo is from the same event, but a totally different streaker. A spokesman said Symonds was “in the zone” and “severely threatened,” which is why he faced no disciplinary action for laying the naked man out.
Click here to see a blow by blow photographic account. A picture truly is worth 1,000 words.
You Could Gross Everyone Out
Date: October 2007
Event: NFL football, Giants vs. Dolphins
Not that Mark Roberts, serial streaker, is the least bit concerned with grossing everyone out. His streaking is so prolific that he has his own website, Wikipedia page and various features in major publications.
Warning: Click on those links at your own risk—he goes full monty, and the photos are not censored. Like at all.
You Could Distract the Marching Band
Date: July 2006
Event: Gay Games VII, Soldier Field
At least a few members of the marching band at the seventh annual Gay Games must have lost their count when a streaker invaded Soldier Field back in 2006. Just let the band play, dude.
You Could End Up Cleaning Up Garbage
Date: August 2013
Event: NFL preseason football, Lions vs. Browns
In August 2013 Anthony Saveriano actually found a way to make an NFL preseason game entertaining when he streaked out onto the field and pulled down his draws. In September his life was a world of regret, as he was sentenced to 40 hours of tailgate trash collecting.
He was also fined $572, put on probation for one year and banned from FirstEnergy Stadium for life.
You Could Make Maria Sharapova Uncomfortable
Date: July 2006
Event: Wimbledon quarterfinal, Maria Sharapova vs. Elena Dementieva
According to the Daily Mail, Russian tennis goddess Maria Sharapova had to “hide her blushes” when a gymnastically inclined streaker rushed the court at Wimbledon. Of course, if Sharapova felt a little uncomfortable, imagine how the man charged with collecting the streaker in a red sheet must have felt.
You Could Really Distract the Athletes
Date: August 2009
Event: Middlesex rugby sevens at Twickenham Stadium
Female streakers are few and far between—for whatever reason this is just an activity that appeals more to the fellas. That’s why it’s so earth-rattling when a woman strips down and charges the field at a sport event.
With a guy, it’s just another day at the office. With a girl, everyone stands around slack-jawed for a bit before deciding on a course of action.
You Could End Up as a Registered Sex Offender
Date: June 2008
Event: NCAA College World Series, North Carolina vs. LSU
This guy was quickly apprehended when he charged the field during the College World Series back in 2008. Who knows what actually became of him, but according to the author of this CBS College Sports blog, some guys he spoke to in the press box said, “Nowadays, any streaker is automatically given ‘sex offender’ status.”
You Will Make Spandex Look Modest
Date: July 1997
Event: Tour de France
Generally speaking, spandex shorts are one of the most uncomfortably graphic items of clothing sold on the market today. Although they don’t leave much to the imagination, the crazy streaker who leaped onto the Champs-Elysees during the 1997 Tour de France serves as a stark (naked) reminder that they do, in fact, leave something.
You Could Get Red-Carded
Date: August 2009
Event: Middlesex rugby sevens at Twickenham Stadium
Truth be told, if you’re going to streak, your best bet is to be a woman and do it in the U.K. If you can’t be a woman, just being in the U.K. is probably enough. Sports there are constantly interrupted by people in various states of undress, probably because there’s not really a deterrent.
Check out the woman in the photo. She ran around topless, and all she has to contend with was a red card—and that was probably for a second or third offense.
You Could Put Deion Sanders in an Awkward Position
Date: January 2014
Event: NFL Pro Bowl
According to Katrina Torres, the 23-year-old woman who bikini-streaked at the 2013 Pro Bowl, Hall of Fame great Deion Sanders kept her from going to prison. Per Fox Sports, she said, “[He] comes running behind saying, ‘Don’t arrest her,’ that was really cool. ‘If you arrest her, I’m gonna bail her right out.’”
Torres, who said her ailing cousin inspired her jaunt, was not arrested, but she was banned from Aloha Stadium for one year. So, basically just in time for next year’s Pro Bowl.
You Could End Up Spending a Lot of Time in Court
Date: September 2011
Event: IRB Rugby World Cup, Argentina vs. England
Most streakers are able to avoid jail time but often spend more time than is generally considered desirable in a courtroom. Such is the case for the man in this photo. The New Zealand man was actually charged under a law designed (in part) to curb streaking activities, but he struck a deal that kept him out of the pokey.
You Could Get Painfully Tackled
Date: August 2007
Event: Manchester United vs. Inter Milan
It’s pretty easy to get wrapped up in the excitement of something and lose track of the logistics. Just remember: What goes up, must come down. Running around on that lush green grass in the rain sounds amazing. Getting run down by a very large man at the end sounds less amazing.
You Could Be Dragged Down by Your Junk
Date: February 2014
Event: NRL Trial Match, Broncos vs. Warriors
When a naked man is on the loose, the only concern is how to most quickly disable him. And we all know the most obvious way to disable the average man.
You Will Probably Upset Your Mother
Date: September 2012
Event: Seminole High School football game
In September 2012 a masked and initially unidentified man streaked across the field during Seminole High School’s homecoming game. Within days he was identified, “arrested and charged with exposure of sexual organs and obstructed justice,” per TBO.com.
His mother must have been so disappointed.
You Will Definitely Lose Your Dignity
Date: September 2007
Event: Rugby World Cup, Australia vs. Fiji
Dignity is obviously not a top priority for an adult who is running around naked in public, but it should always be a consideration. Always remember that you’re never guaranteed to get something back after losing it.
You Could Upset Your Grandmother Too
Date: March 2010
Event: First Test, New Zealand vs. Australia
Grandparents tend to be a bit more forgiving than parents, but you have to think this guy is really testing the patience of his poor nana. Not to mention, he's bumming out everyone who is unfortunate enough to be seated in his exit path.
You Could End Up in Jail
Date: July 2013
Event: ARL State of Origin, New South Wales Blues vs. Queensland Maroons
Serial Streaker Wati Holmwood has been in and out of court a number of times over the years. One of his most recent run-ins came after the State of Origin in 2013. In August he was a no-show in court to answer for the charges, and a month later he was sentenced to three months in jail.
You Could Get Banned for Life
Date: February 2012
Event: Barclays Premier Match, Aston Villa vs. Manchester City
This should be one of the most pressing concerns for streakers who are also actual sports fans and not just public nudity enthusiasts. In the U.S. you’re mostly likely going to get slammed with a lifetime ban from the stadium, much like the famed Astros streaker back in 2011.
Hopefully, the guy in this photo also got banned for life.
You Could Steal John Daly's Thunder
Date: July 1995
Event: British Golf Open
American treasure John Daly hasn’t had all that many days in the sun—from a golf perspective and actual days in the sun, because he probably sleeps in a lot—which is why it was not cool of serial streaker Mark Roberts to hog the spotlight in one of Daly’s only two major wins.
That being said, Roberts blogged about the experience, and it’s worth a read if you can deal with nudity.
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