World Football

10 Alternate Uses for Vanishing Spray in the Premier League

Ryan BaileyFeatured ColumnistJuly 31, 2014

10 Alternate Uses for Vanishing Spray in the Premier League

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    Hassan Ammar/Associated Press

    Vanishing spray may have seemed like a novelty idea at the World Cup, but it appears that the referees' favourite new toy is here to stay.

    It has now been announced that Premier League refs will be keeping dead-ball situations in check with the disappearing foam in 2014/15, following the lead of Serie A and La Liga. 

    The spray is a useful invention, but it could be so much more versatile. Here's 10 alternative ways it could be used in the Premiership this year ... 

Shave Adam Lallana's Beard

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    Matt Dunham/Associated Press

    There's no shortage of facial hair in the Premier League, but Adam Lallana's beard is basically just a hairy chin strap. He's even had Twitter-based abuse about it. 

    The 26-year-old could get off on the right foot at Liverpool by shaving it off, using some of that vanishing spray on his face before he runs the razor over it. Because vanishing spray is actually just shaving foam, right? 

Help Ronald Koeman at Southampton Training Sessions

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    Charlie Crowhurst/Getty Images

    This season, Southampton are going to play three at the back... and that's it. 

    At the rate the Saints are selling off their talent, there will be no one left to play at St Mary's on any given Saturday. Manager Ronald Koeman even joined in with the "Bantz" this week by Tweeting an image of an empty training ground. 

    To help his remaining players while training, Koeman could spray an "X" onto the ground to represent an opponent in lieu of an actual professional footballer. 

    The spray wouldn't take long to disappear—just like Southampton's squad. 

Increase the Size of Jose Mourinho's Technical Area

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    Jon Super/Associated Press

    During big games, Jose Mourinho loves to stand on the very edge of his technical area. He barks out instructions and occasionally sticks a foot out to trip up international popstars

    Clearly, the standard-size technical area is not big enough for the Special One. Don't be surprised if he subtly starts extending the dotted lines of the dugout zone so he ends up standing somewhere near the centre circle. 

Cover Up Liverpool's New Kit

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    Nam Y. Huh/Associated Press

    Every year, Liverpool challenge their fans to see who has the mettle to buy their horrible third-choice kit. 

    The 2014-15 offering from Warrior Sports is another horror show, mixing a red sash with black and white stripes.

    Daniel Sturridge is an unashamed fashionista, so if he or his teammates wish to cover up their kits, they could just de-holster the ref's spray and coat themselves in white.

    Sadly, due to its vanishing nature, they might have to do it 90 times per game. It's still worth the effort. 

Subdue Diego Costa

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    Dean Mouhtaropoulos/Getty Images

    Diego Costa is a feisty one. The Chelsea striker didn't attend a school of excellence as a kid, but instead grew up playing on the streets, where his game developed a rough edge.

    His 59 yellow cards and seven reds while playing in Spain are a testament to the fact that he's "a bit tasty."

    If the Brazilian-born Spanish international looks like he may be about to channel his inner Pepe, the referee should use the vanishing spray to subdue him by pointing it directly in his eyes. It would be less damaging than pepper spray and would give everyone in his vicinity a minute to escape his punch and kick radius. 

Add It to a Cake for Yaya Toure

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    Mike Stobe/Getty Images

    Millions of pounds and the respect of leading the Premier League champions doesn't mean anything to Yaya Toure. All he wants is a cake. Like the one Gareth Bale was recently given. 

    If City happen to forget to bake something on Yaya's next birthday, they could just spray a huge pile of foam into the shape of a cake, and maybe decorate it with some of Joe Hart's Head & Shoulders as makeshift icing. 

    It wouldn't taste good, but professional footballers probably shouldn't be eating cake anyway, so how do they know what it's supposed to taste like? 

Allow Manchester United Players to Spray Smiley Faces on Louis Van Gaal

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    Clive Mason/Getty Images

    Since taking the reins at the Theatre of Dreams, Louis van Gaal has berated journalists, called his new signings unfit and lambasted the club for excessive commercial responsibilities. (How did he not realise a club with an official diesel engine partner would have a lot of commercial responsibilities?)

    LVG certainly has a lot of character, but there are going to be plenty of times this season when he has a look of anger on his face so thunderous that it starts putting off the players during games. 

    Perhaps someone could step in and spray a nice smiley face on his stormy visage to give everyone a brief respite from the terror. 

Make High Ticket Prices at the Emirates Disappear

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    Tom Hevezi/Associated Press

    Last season, Manchester City fans protested the obnoxiously high ticket prices at the Emirates Stadium. This season, the most expensive seat at Arsenal's home ground will be £129.50 (as per The Telegraph).

    Perhaps if fans spray enough of the stuff on their tickets, they can make that number get smaller or disappear completely?  

Obscure the Vision of West Ham Fans

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    Ross Kinnaird/Getty Images

    Last season, West Ham fans were irked by the unattractive brand of football dished out by manager Sam Allardyce. 

    Clearly, all is not well between Big Sam and the club's owners. If he stays, fans might consider bringing a can of their own spray to the Boyeln so they can aim it at their own faces to block out their vision during particularly distressing moments. 

    If Allardyce is replaced by David Moyes, they will probably need even more spray. 

Separate Alan Pardew from Hull Players

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    Tony Marshall/Getty Images

    Alan Pardew got into a spot of bother last season when he decided to settle a dispute with David Meyler via the medium of headbutting

    In future matches between Newcastle and Hull, the fourth official should use the spray to keep 10 yards between Pardew and any Tigers player. It really is the safest protocol. 

     

    Find me on Twitter @RyanJayBailey

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