First World Problems: Football Edition
We all complain about First World problems.
Drink tap water? Come on, we only drink the filtered stuff.
No Internet on the airplane? What is this, 1995?
And when it comes to those everyday "problems" we moan about, we sports fans are pretty big culprits.
Whether that means sitting in a lucky chair for each game, joining the masses for a Sunday Funday at the bars or choosing one of three different types of jerseys, sports fans often complain about the small things that are pretty much meaningless.
And since we're all guilty of doing it, here are a few First World problems that may occur during this upcoming football season.
You Don't Get to Keep Everything You Catch
While baseball fans are spoiled with getting to keep the baseballs that come flying toward them during games, other sporting events don't offer the same luxury.
So if a basketball from an NBA contest finds its way onto your lap or a player jumps right into your arms following a score, sorry, but you have to toss it (him) back.
Yeah, it's devastating, isn't it?
Too Many Good Games to Watch
It's funny how all year long, sports fans are just itching for the fall, when the four major sports are in season, giving ample opportunities to watch any game on TV.
But therein lies the problem, because there can actually be too many options.
You may want to watch the Seattle Seahawks play their rival San Francisco 49ers, but not when it's on at the same time as LeBron James' first game back in Cleveland.
Thankfully there's DVR to help assist us all in our decisions.
Your City's Teams Suck
As someone who was born and raised in Cleveland, it'd be easy for me to just sit here and complain about the poor luck of all three major teams in the city.
Instead, I'll point to recent history, as the Cavs have LeBron James back and traded for Kevin Love, the Browns drafted Johnny Manziel and the Indians made the postseason last year.
Still, it does suck to continuously see my teams fall flat, but it's a hell of a lot better than not having a team at all—just ask any football fans in the city of Los Angeles.
Your Phone Battery Dies at the Game
We all live on our phones these days, snapping pics to post on social media to brag to our friends about where we're at and what we're doing, but it's not the end of the world when the thing dies.
Sure, we might miss out on the chance to get a pic snapped with our favorite player who just happens to pass by after a game, but that doesn't mean we should freak out that we're not able to capture the moment.
Honestly, it might be worse not being able to check your fantasy team matchup when your phone dies—another ridiculous First World sports problem.
Your College Roommate from Cleveland Won't Stop Doing This
As mentioned earlier, I'm from Cleveland, so you better believe I'm rubbing my fingers together like new Browns quarterback Johnny Manziel does following a big play.
But if it actually gets to the point where other friends or fans are complaining about it, I'll make sure I stop—and then do it about 10 more times the next time I see them.
Sports celebrations are all in good fun, so stop crying when fans duplicate them too much.
Too Many Opinions About Your Fantasy Football Draft
It can be frustrating having so many "experts" tell you who you should draft in your fantasy sports league, can't it?
Do you go status quo and pick a running back in the first round or roll the dice and take Peyton Manning following his record-breaking year last season?
Whatever your draft strategy ends up being, I'm sure you're wasting normally productive hours analyzing all the different options like I am.
You Live in a House Divided
Just like you and your roommates mark whose food is whose, when living in a house divided between sports teams, you make sure no one in an opposing team's colors is sitting by you when watching a sporting event.
If that's the worst thing that is going on in a household full of guys, than it's a pretty good life—just think of all the other things that could be happening like clogged toilets and leftover food sitting around.
Which Jersey to Wear
Do you go with the road jersey or the home one?
Sometimes it can be a tough choice.
The home one has given your team the luck to go on a winning streak, but the road one is what you wore last year when they won a title.
I'll put it this way, though: If you have more than one jersey of your favorite team, you're doing something right, so just slip one on without thinking too much about it.
Too Many Good Players on Your Fantasy Football Team
Damn, I don't know if I should start Drew Brees or Colin Kaepernick this week. Does anyone have any advice for me?
If this is the dilemma you find yourself in this season, then things are probably going great, since as we all know, the more stars one has on his fantasy team, the better his record usually is.
It's all about depth in the fantasy world, so asking yourself which superstar to start is a good dilemma to have.
Which Bar to Watch the Game
While sitting in your favorite chair is great and all, there's nothing quite like being surrounded by fellow maniacs at a sports bar.
That's why we all head to bars to begin with, to give us the energetic feeling that fans who have tickets to the game feel, right?
It still doesn't mean that choosing which watering hole to go to can be easy, as you're forced to decide between the best chicken wings in town, the most attractive waitresses, the one where you can actually get a seat with a view of the TV or the one with the best menu specials.
I'd say that's a good problem to have.
Shirts or No Shirts?
As these warms days turn to colder ones, you'll have the daunting task of deciding how dedicated a fan you are to your favorite team.
That's right: The predicament of going "shirt or no shirt" could arise.
Are you committed to freezing your ass off for three hours in sub-freezing temperatures, or does the warmth of a puffy jacket sound more appealing?
Rather than stress over the decision, just be stoked that you actually get to go to the game, OK?
Go to the Game or Watch at Home
Much like the last choice between shirt or skin, some fans are actually forced to wonder if they should or shouldn't go to a game.
While this may sound silly to most of us, sometimes choosing to drop hundreds or even thousands on a prime ticket can be tough. Also, a forecast for rain all game might make you choose the couch over the stadium.
Whatever the reason, you're watching football all day long, so it's not a bad spot to be in—but I vote to always go to the game if you have tickets.
Nowhere to Store All of Your Fan Gear
No one likes a hoarder, but when sports are involved, no one even bats an eye at all the junk that fans will compile in their lifetimes.
That's why, while not having a place to store all of it can be a problem, it's not something that should be frowned upon, considering the fact most of the stuff is tickets to big games, jerseys referencing great tradition and pictures of former players that may or may not have been autographed.
Finding Someone to Do Your Makeup
If you're one of the few who like to paint up for a football game, it can be tough sometimes to find the steady hand who can put it on you.
But like other ones on this list, if a person is getting lathered up in paint, that usually means they're going to the game, so getting the perfect person to paint your team colors on you shouldn't be hugely stressful.
What to Grill When Tailgating
This one can be tough, but with a ton of different food options, I guarantee that everyone will come and leave happy—after all, it's free grub!
Whether it's burgers, hot dogs, sausages, chicken or something else, tailgating and cooking out before a football game is an American pastime, so stop fretting about what it is you'll be serving up and just have some fun.
Besides, chances are people are more concerned with the company than the food, so make sure you have something for people to do while eating, like some cornhole boards or a flat-screen TV.
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