AFC West Off To See The Wizard

Rick OliverCorrespondent IJuly 17, 2009

The Denver Broncos have had one of the most tumultuous off-seasons in history.

They have been swept up by a huge tornado and dropped in a strange land.

All Bronco really wanted is to get back to the Super Bowl, so he heads off to see the Wizard accompanied by his little dog Josh.

While following the path, Bronco comes across a scarecrow named Raider. When the scarecrow finds out that Bronco is going to see a wizard, he asks if he can accompany Bronco. You see, the scarecrow doesn’t have a brain and he wants to see if the wizard can give him one.

Scarecrow’s team has only won 24 games over the past six years and he can’t figure out why everyone is dumping on them. Plus he talks lots of trash every year, only to be let down by his team. If he only had a brain, he could figure out why everyone dumps on his team and learn not to talk trash until his team could back it up.

Of course Bronco is happy to have the company because there is an evil witch named ESPN after him. ESPN has threatened to kill Bronco and his little dog Josh too, because Bronco fired Mike Shanahan.

As they walk down the road, they come across a tin man named Charger. Charger too wants to go see the wizard. You see, Charger has no heart. His team has been the best team in the division for the past few years, but they barely sell out the stadium.

Charger is afraid that home games will be blacked out and his team will move to Los Angeles if he doesn’t get a heart soon.

As Bronco, Raider and Charger follow the path to see the wizard a cowardly lion named Chief jumps out and tries to scare them.

Of course, they aren’t scared and they start beating the lion relentlessly. After they stop beating him, the lion explains to them he can’t scare anyone.

You see Chief’s team only won two games last season and ESPN says they haven’t done enough to improve. The companions invite Chief to join them because, maybe if Chief had some courage, he could scare other teams.

So the four are off to see the wizard. Along the way they continue to be taunted by ESPN and its minions. After a long and scary journey the four, and the little dog Josh, arrive in Miami where the wizard lives.

At first, the wizard doesn’t want to see them but eventually agrees since they have come such a long way. The wizard has something for each of them.

To Raider, the wizard gives a diploma. Don’t be fooled by this Raider. You really need a brain.

The wizard gives Charger heart-shaped clock. This is fitting because time is ticking on your reign of terror Charger.

To Chief, the wizard gives a badge of honor. But it is going to take more than a badge of honor for you to scare anyone.

Oh and you Bronco…what did the wizard give you?

We all know what the wizard gives Bronco…just not this year.

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