Frankie’s News is very happy to announce that one of our main rivals in the journalistic field of journalism has been well and truly silenced...for at least a couple of hours.
Well known Canadian writer, Robert Orzechowski, of the Rib-Tickling Times has reportedly been hunted down and punished by the many tennis players he has insulted. Despite receiving many letters of warning from the tennis players in question, Mr. Orzechowski insisted on using his acerbic wit time and time again. No-one was safe from his cutting remarks.
Frankie’s News would never dream of mocking any tennis player, real or otherwise. We are therefore delighted to hear that Mr. Orzechowski, winner of the prestigious 'Funny-Man' journalism award for the last 10 years, has been fully reprimanded for his actions. Frankie’s News hopes that this will mean that other publications are in with a chance of taking home this year’s award.
Frankie’s News sent one of its top journalists, Ms. S.U. Kup, to interview the players involved in this episode of social and political justice.
Unfortunately, none of the players were available for comment as they were still chasing Mr. Orzechowski down the streets of Montreal. However, Ms. Kup did manage to hear what some of the players were shouting as they angrily brandished their tennis rackets.
Rafael Nadal: “Roberto, Uncle Toni teach me to play wit my left hand, no? He also teach me how to use dee left hook.”
Roger Federer: “I really enjoyed some of your Rafa pieces, you know. And I particularly enjoyed your ‘Wimbledon 2053’ piece...that was a masterclass in journalism. But your latest leaves a disgusting after-taste in my mouth, you know. I mean, I would like to see you speak four languages fluently while winning 15 slams. And you know, I really don’t say 'you know' that often, you know.”
Marat Safin: “Hey man...wait up...I wanna thank you for all your cool suggestions. With all my recent first round exits I’ve really had a lot of time to consider what to do next and I’ve already phoned Nike about doing some work for them.”
Andy Murray: “So, Mr. Orzechowski, you don’t think I’ll win a slam, eh? World number 3 not good enough for you? A final appearance at the US Open is just a piece of cake, is it? It looks as though you are just a little bit jealous of all the attention I have been receiving from the British media.”
Fernando Verdasco: “(Sobbing) Jou and everyone, dee only tink about how I am muchos bello. And dat dee ladies, dey love me. Why jou no talk about my muchos bueno forehand? Soy más que una cara bonita, no?”
Andy Roddick: “Dude, I totally appreciate what you do...you know that I too enjoy cracking a joke from time to time. But you totally stole that swine flu joke from me. Replacing ‘bird’ with ‘swine’ is still plagiarism in my books.”
Lleyton Hewitt: “G’day mate, I just wanted to let you know that my wife keeps asking me who this ‘Long John Silver’ is. Could you please stop with all the jokes now as you are making my missus suspicious and putting my marriage under a lot of strain? Cheers.”
Serena Williams: “Oy! Robert! Why don’t you ever write about the ladies? You are a complete disgrace. In fact, you are almost as disgraceful as the women’s rankings (which make me laugh more than some of your pieces).”