I was listening to music and checking out my fantasy football team and I started thinking, you know, this song would fit this team this year. Then I started thinking about which song would fit other teams as well.
Then I sat back and enjoyed good music for a few hours, laughed a lot, and wrote this out.
Here’s what I came up with for song dedication for each team:
Dallas Cowboys—‘Holding Out for a Hero' (I Need a Hero) by Bonnie Tyler
Why? Someone needs to step up for the Cowboys and be a hero. Tony Romo anyone?
Philadelphia Eagles—‘Who Let the Dogs Out’ by Baha Men
Why? Michael Vick
NY Giants—‘Heaven’s Just a Sin Away’ by the Kendalls
Why? If they had Plaxico they might have been able to make a run at the Super Bowl. He got sent to jail and he’s not with the Giants anymore. With “Heaven” being the Super Bowl, it could be that because of Plaxico’s mistake, the Giants are that one mistake away from the Super Bowl.
Washington Redskins—‘Custer Died For Your Sins’ by Floyd Red Crow Westerman
Why? Their racist team name.
Minnesota Vikings—‘I Don’t Need Your Rockin’ Chair’ by George Jones
Why? Brett Favre don’t need your stinkin’ rockin chair, your Geritol or your Medicare!
Green Bay Packers—‘The Cheese Song’ by Kirk Moore
Why? It’s cheese!
Detroit Lions—‘Smooth Criminal’ by Alien Ant Farm
Why? The Lions ownership has been stealing money from fans for years now. They are some smooth criminals.
Chicago Bears – ‘New World Order Theme’
Why? There’s a new world order in Chicago in the name of Jay Cutler.
Carolina Panthers—‘Million Dollar Man Theme’
Why? DE Julius Peppers is the leagues highest paid player this year.
Atlanta Falcons—‘TNT’ by AC/DC
Why? Their offense is explosive with Ryan, Turner, and Roddy White!
Tampa Bay Buccaneers—‘Dying Aint Much of a Livin’ by Bon Jovi
Why? Face it. They’re already dead, before the season even starts.
New Orleans Saints—‘Home’ by Marc Broussard
Why? The Lyrics, “Stop the car pulled out the guitar, halfway to New Orleans, said take me home, take me home.” It has just got that New Orleans flavor.
Arizona Cardinals—‘The Measure of a Man’ by Elton John
Why? This is probably Kurt Warners last chance. We’re going to see what he’s got left.
San Francisco 49ers—‘Baby Got Back’ by Sir Mix A Lot
Why? In honor of Head Coach Mike Singletary pulling down his pants last year.
Seattle Seahawks—‘Campfire Song’ by Spongebob
Why? They need something that can bring their fans together. Julius Jones? TJ Whosyourmomma? Nah.
St. Louis Rams—'Going Under’ by Evanescence
Why? That’s where they’re going...under everyone else in the standings.
New England Patriots—‘Stronger’ by Kanye West
Why? Tom Brady is back and the Patriots are stronger.
Miami Dolphins—‘Aint No Sunshine’ by DMX
Why? It may be Miami but there is no sunshine with this team. I just don’t see it.
New York Jets—‘Rico Suave’ by Gerardo
Why? Mark Sanchez. He IS Rico Suave baby!
Buffalo Bills—‘Sympathy for the Devil’ by Guns and Roses
Why? Terrell Owens
Pittsburgh Steelers—‘Simply the Best’ by Tina Turner
Why? They are the defending champions.
Baltimore Ravens—‘Enter Sandman’ by Metallica
Why? Their defense is going to put your lights out!
Cincinnati Bengals—Rikishi ‘Bad Man’ Theme
Why? In honor of No. 1 pick Andre Smith’s 40 yard dash at the combine.
Cleveland Browns—‘It’s a Fight’ by Three 6 Mafia
Why? It’s going to be a fight at the QB position between Brady Quinn and Derek Anderson. I think Quinn will win out by the end of the season.
Tennessee Titans—‘I’m Too Sexy’ by Right Said Fred
Why? In honor of Vince Young bragging, “I will be the next black quarterback to win a Super Bowl. And I will be in the Hall of Fame.”
Indianapolis Colts—‘Where Have All The Cowboys Gone?’ by Paula Cole
Why? Where is Tony Dungy? Where is Edgerrin James? Where is Marvin Harrison?
Houston Texans—‘New Age Outlaws Theme’
Why? In honor of Mario Williams and everyone realizing he was the right No. 1 pick over Reggie Bush. “Oh you didn’t know? Your ### better call somebodyyyyy!”
Jacksonville Jaguars—‘The Gummy Bear Song’
Why? Their own fans aren’t going out to their games. Who cares?
San Diego Chargers—‘Y’all Must Have Forgot’ by Roy Jones Jr.
Why? Many have forgotten just how good LaDanian Tomlinson is. I haven’t.
Denver Broncos—‘Take This Job and Shove It’ by Johnny Paycheck
Why? Their own players don’t even want to play there. See Jay Cutler and Brandon Marshall.
Oakland Raiders—‘People Are Strange’ by the Doors
Why? Just about everything Al Davis says and does is strange nowadays.
Kansas City—‘Undertaker Theme’
Why? They’ve already got one foot in the grave. It’s over before the season even started.
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