Hide Your Children: It's The Pimp's Cup

Dayne DurantiCorrespondent IOctober 9, 2009

SAN FRANCISCO - OCTOBER 07:  USA Team assistant Michael Jordan watches the play during a practice round prior to the start of The Presidents Cup at Harding Park Golf Course on October 7, 2009 in San Francisco, California.  (Photo by Scott Halleran/Getty Images)

Apparently smoking is full-blown illegal in San Francisco.

Residents and locals affiliated with the Harding Park have their panties in a twist because of Michael Jordan and his stogie smoking on the course during The President's Cup.

I say this because I do know in fact that some men in San Francisco indeed wear panties.

I think that there are much bigger things to be worried about going on at the local golf course than Smoky Air Jordan.

Jordan's involvement in the actual staff of the U.S President's cup team is just as sickening as what those evil bastards in New Hampshire did to the Cates family.

O.K, maybe not quite as sickening but close.

Air Jordan: the womanizing, cigar smoking, steak house owning has- been has a higher handicap than me! He claims to be a single digit cap-per but his scores are always in the high eighties when he plays in tournaments.


Jordan has tried out and never been accepted into any major amateur tournament.

So Jordan  sneaks in some pimps and ho's in his huge M.C. Hammer pants for Freddy Couples and viola he is on the staff!

This whole process is not nearly as disturbing as what the Jordan floodgates have opened.

Have you seen who has been in attendance at the cup?

Steroid King Barry Bonds was there, hanging with M.J and Tiger.

Fellow famous cigar aficionado Bill Clinton was there to show Jordan some support for his stogie.

Ugh, so this is what golf has come to?

The real season is over and the P.G.A Tour has to tack on this extra event for what exactly?

To watch a bunch of guys from Orlando beat the piss out off the rest of the world on a golf course over-run by a bunch of criminals and has-beens?

I kept half expecting to see Al Capone, John Dillenger and Bugsy Seagal shooting up a fairway. It just had that vibe. 

The President's Cup is an insignificant, stupid tournament with no bearing on the real world at all. It is just a playground for the bored, wealthy and maladjusted.

Let the season end with The Player's Championship and some dignity! Keep these criminals out of our sport. 

I am done being nice.

I can't take this crap anymore.

First the criminals took over basketball,

than football.

Now you are going after my precious golf?

You will never take it from us!

I have an army of plaid-panted soldiers who will defend to the death these courses!

You will not have this driver until you pry it from my cold-dead hand!