Raiders Didn't Win? Eagles Lost...You're an Idiot.

Barnavicious XCorrespondent IOctober 20, 2009

I spent much of last week Boycotting the Boycott against the Raiders. I'm not much for Boycotts but since I was Boycotting a Boycott I figured it evened out. Then since I was on a roll I decided to Boycott the Vick Boycott and punched a poodle right in it's arrogant face. Being a pet owner I immediately felt bad and bought the poodle a ham sandwich.

Sunday morning I finally climbed out of my tree in Berkeley to watch the Raider game.

I watched a game in which I thought the Raiders completely dominated and won. As me and my new pet poodle "Vicker" watched post game highlights we kept hearing the same thing; "the Raiders didn't win..." 

Naturally we were perplexed. So Vicker and I backed up the DVR and watched the game again...sure enough the Raiders won again. Still confused we went to the Internet...there it was again.."the Raiders didn't win..." we watched highlight after highlight, every-time the same thing...13-9 Raiders.

Well Vicker and I came to this simple conclusion. If you would agree "The Raiders didn't win this game, the Eagles lost it" you're an idiot or an Eagles fan, or both. You could also be either Adam Schefter or Warren Sapp..possibly Boomer Esiason. Either way I don't like you.

Plain and simple the Raiders beat the Eagles like a stripper at a Shawne Merriman house party. ( I was going to go for another Vick jab here but Vicker's swollen eye made me feel guilty)

What's that you say? The Eagles should have ran more?

You see it's very difficult to run the ball when your offense is moving backwards. It's tough to run on 3rd and 17 or 2nd and 19. The Eagle backs including Vick rushed for 46 yards last week against the Bucs who have a terrible run defense. The Bucs passed 50 times and ran only 21 (which includes QB scrambles)..I guess the Bucs just lost that game right? Eagles got really lucky.

Six sacks for -53 yards.

If Akers doesn't miss those kicks the Eagles still would have won?

Tell that one to Jim Kelly, maybe he'll care. Try this; 0 touchdowns, 12% third down efficiency, and 26 minutes TOP. Combine that with 1 trip to the redzone in which they were promptly removed...kinda sounding like a Raider win.

The refs weren't calling penalties against the Raiders?

Holy shit. You're dumber than I thought.

If Andy Reid had a vagina he'd be a librarian?

OK, you got me on this one.


Now I'm sure some of you will recite to me other reasons the Eagles lost but in the immortal words of Benjamin Franklin, " We won, suck it."



Origin of the word Boycott:

The word boycott entered the English language during the Irish "Land War" and is derived from the name of Captain Charles Boycott, the estate agent of an absentee landlord, the Earl Erne, in County MayoIreland, who was subject to social ostracism organized by the Irish Land League in 1880. In September that year protesting tenants demanded from Boycott a substantial reduction in their rents. He not only refused but also evicted them from the land. Charles Stewart Parnell, in his Ennis Speech proposed that, rather than resorting to violence, everyone in the locality should refuse to deal with him. Despite the short-term economic hardship to those undertaking this action, Boycott soon found himself isolated—his workers stopped work in the fields and stables, as well as the house. Local businessmen stopped trading with him, and the local postman refused to deliver mail.