You Know You're Obsessed with Hockey When...

Greg CaggianoSenior Writer IJune 10, 2008

I know what you're thinking; you're the biggest hockey fan on the planet, right? Well, there may be a few things you have to ponder before you give yourself that title. Below are some things that draw the line between casual fan and hockey-obsessed!

You Know You're Obsessed with Hockey When...

1. You read team yearbooks in your spare time.

2. You've memorized Gretzky's season-by-season stats down to the shots on goal.

3. You know who your favorite team drafted in the eighth round four years ago.

4. You've taped every win from every season so you could watch them over the summer.

5. You read media guides while sitting on the toilet.

6. You grow a playoff beard starting after the last day of the regular season.

7. You have different jerseys for every day of the week.

8. You start marking the days off on your calendar counting down to next season's opening night the minute after your team is eliminated.

9. You watch re-runs of "On the Fly" at 3 am on the NHL Network.

10. You read articles written by Alan Bass and myself.

11. You've never washed your favorite jersey even though you purchased it in 1995.

12. You know the exact amount of seconds ESPN devotes to hockey every day.

13. You know who Johan Witehall is.

14. You've read Kevin Stevens' arrest report.

15. You've sent hate mail to Gary Bettman's home address.

16. You wake up in the middle of the night screaming, "Clear it off the boards!"

17. You chew gum in the same manner as your head coach.

18. You watch Versus a full hour before and after every game to enjoy the pre-game deer hunting and post game cage fighting.

19. You move into another room when your team gives up a goal.

20. You took out a second mortgage on your house so you can afford season tickets at rink-side level.

21. You remember the characters' names from the "Hockey Falls" commercials.

22. You know exactly how many players the Rangers have had leave mid-season to attend substance abuse programs.

23. You once bought a jar of melted, game-used ice from Maple Leaf Gardens on EBay.

24. You've muted the TV while watching the game so you could do your own play-by-play.

25. You have the "Hockey Night in Canada" theme song on your Ipod.

26. You've read more than one Don Cherry biography.

27. You use hockey pucks as drink coasters.

28. You believe in the hockey Gods.

29. You stayed up until four in the morning to watch Game 6 of the 1999 Stanley Cup finals and screamed at the TV when you saw the replay of Brett Hull's skate, even though you could care less who won.

30. Whenever you see someone with a mullet you can't help but think of Barry Melrose.

31. You have a shrine in the back of your closet dedicated to Scotty Bowman, complete with candles and miniature Stanley Cups.

32. You took an online French learning course so you would be able to sing both versions of "O Canada."

33. You're fascinated by the sounds skates make when digging in to the ice.

34. You've stayed up until past midnight to watch an illegal, grainy, online broadcast of a Coyotes-Sharks preseason game.

35. You have tried and failed numerous times to blow dry your hair in the style of Brian Engblom.

36. Last but not least, you refer to goalie pads as "Paraphernalia" and blocker gloves as "Waffleboards."


Yeah, I'm guilty of a few of these things, and so what? It's okay to be obsessed with something in your life. But after reading this, where do you rate; as a casual fan, or maybe just a little bit more?


UPDATE: View the sequel here!