Since this is the first of what I intend to be a regular Wednesday feature, I should probably explain what I'm doing here.
The Hump Day Monologue will be similar to a late-night talk show monologue or SNL's "Weekend Update." Only it will feature sports topics from the previous week.
It will appear every Wednesday, which is commonly referred to as "Hump Day"—or the day you get over the hump. And yes, I generally snicker whenever I say it...
Hump Day Monologue: Moving the bowels of truth without the fiber of common sense.
"Disgraced" (sorry, that's what everybody else is calling him) ex-NBA official Tim Donaghy has alleged that NBA officials helped determine the outcome of two different playoff series and fixed a variety of other games.
In a recent poll, most NBA fans felt the allegations could be true.
However, a closer look at the numbers revealed that NBA fans age 12 and under overwhelmingly thought that the allegations were false.
Sadly, it appears that New England Patriot offensive lineman Nick Kaczur is addicted to the painkiller Oxycontin. After being arrested on illegal possession charges, Kaczur was allegedly involved in a Drug Enforcement Agency sting in an effort to nail Kaczur's dealer.
However, when a reporter showed up on Kaczur's doorstep requesting comment, Kaczur claimed he didn't know what the reporter was talking about.
Clearly, the DEA brainwashed him, per agency policy.
What's interesting about the whole sting operation is that the DEA relied on surveillance equipment supplied by none other than Pats coach Bill Belichick. A DEA agent said, "Belichick's stuff was so much more advanced than the crap we get from the government...it was a no-brainer."
After L.A.'s Game Two NBA Finals loss to the Celtics, Laker coach Phil Jackson—surprise!—complained about the officiating and the 38-10 free throw disparity favoring the Celtics.
What most fans are unaware of is that the postgame tirade aired by various media outlets was merely an amalgam of all of the Zenmaster's officiating complaints spanning his previous six NBA Finals appearances.
Much was made of Jackson's mispronunciation of Celtic reserve Leon Powe's name, pronouncing it "Pow." Jackson said he made an honest mistake, noting that a "Pau" played for him.
He subsequently apologized to Powe for the misunderstanding, saying, "Powe was an absolute beast inside. Pau's never made a strong interior move his whole life."
During a recent press conference, frustrated Laker star Kobe Bryant supplied his own "bleeps" to censor expletives he would like to have said while describing his Finals performance, his teammates' effort, and the officiating.
Kobe haters applauded the move, stating they'd been asking Bryant to go bleep himself for years.
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7 months ago
Good stuff. Can't wait for next hump day! (It usually means something else when I say that.)
from 7 months ago
The first time I ever heard the phrase, I was working in a warehouse during my summer off of college. It was one of those "Wha...'cuse me? type of moments."
from 7 months ago
Greg, awesome stuff man! Keep up the great work!
7 months ago
Everyday's hump day when you're a playa!!! Or so I hear. Nice work Greg, I'll catch you next week.
from 7 months ago
Daniel, I think your comment is almost as funny as the article!
(Calm down, Greg. I said ALMOST...Sheesh.)
from 7 months ago
(Tear drop)
from 7 months ago
Great Jim, Greg just put a hit out on me. There's this funny red dot on my head...........
from 7 months ago
My bad, Daniel, I thought I had the beam set to low--you weren't supposed to see that.
from 7 months ago
Darn, I thought that red dot meant that the coffee was ready.
6 months ago
I think the article about Viagra should have been entitled "Are You Ready For Some Stiff Competition?"
Also, I like it...a lot...I need sleep...it's 12:05 here, which is probably why I laughed so much.
Note to Greg, make sure everybody reads your stuff after midnight so they think it's funny!
6 months ago
Thanks for the comments everybody. You are officially...over the hump. Happy Thursday.
6 months ago
Is it illegal to read this on Thursday...? Cause I just did. You got my back if Belichick or Bryant comes for me, right?
Awesome stuff, Greg! Can't wait for next weeks!
6 months ago
Great idea, Greg - I'm in every Wed.
6 months ago
G-man...I totally laughed out loud!!!!! You and your articles rock!!!
6 months ago
BTW, the Red wings are the STANLEY CUP CHAMPIONS!!!!!!
from 6 months ago
Yes, indeed, they are.
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