Brian Scalabrine Finally Gets His Ring—Rest Easy NBA Fans

by danny paskas (Columnist)

9

382 reads

Humor

June 19, 2008

Humor, NBA, Boston Celtics, New Jersey Nets, Satire

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Sometimes analysts say it is not always about the big moves you make but the little ones. Before pulling off the two huge deals that landed the Celtics Garnett and Ray Allen, Ainge was able to lure Brian Scalabrine away from the New Jersey Nets.

Coming off his best year as a pro in 2004 where Scalabrine played 22 minutes a game while averaging 6.3 ppg., and 4.5 rebounds, Ainge saw an opportunity. Ainge was able to sign Scalabrine to a five year, $15 million deal, narrowly outbidding the Los Angelas Sparks.

Asked at the time just what Scalabrine brings to the game, Ainge simply replied, "What doesn't he bring to the game, Pierce and Veal together? It's a match made in heaven.......heaven."

Well after just three seasons as a Celtic, Scalabrine and all of Boston won their first championship in 22 years.

This season he averaged a solid 1.8 ppg. along with 1.6 rpg., keep in my mind if you move those decimal points just one over to the right, Veal would of had a monster season. Putting up 18 points and 16 rebounds a game? Only a select few, such as Carlos Boozer, Garnett, and Dwight Howard, are in that company.

But, it's not all about stats with Scalabrine, it's the intangibles.

Veal, does plenty to help his team. Who do you think warms the seats for the "Big Three"?

When the stationary bike starts to get a snag, who do you think is right over there pedaling his heart out, working through that jam?

After losing Game Six in Atlanta, and another Game Six in Cleveland, who do you think did the "truffle shuffle" on cue? I'll tell you this much it wasn't Finals MVP Paul Pierce.

When asked about Scalabrine, Garnett replied, "Yeah, I know that guy, the red-headed dude, right? Yeah, he's around all the time, he's funny, he's special."

What do you mean, "special," Kevin? "You know 'special', I heard he lives by himself and everything." Kevin, he's on the team, he gets that championship ring just like you. "What."

As Scalabrine went back to the Celtic locker room with five minutes remaining in Game Six of the Finals to set up for the celebration he decided to change out of his suit and into the green and white.

He ran out onto the court during a commercial break, trying to capture just what it felt like to make a miraculous recovery, sadly there was no raucous cheer.

These days Veal is capitalizing on the Boston high. He's become an internet sensation, at least in my book with his LeBron diss song. With one of the lines being, "LeBron, Suck on your Boobie....Gibson", it should stand the test of time.

He is also branching out into acting in a youtube video, of a real press conference, where he was talking trash after the Celtics' clinched their championship.

I decided to catch up with former-New Jersey Net Jason Kidd, a player who has been chasing that ring his long, illustrious career switching from team to team. So, Jason, what do you think of Veal getting a ring? No reply was given, however, the punch in my face was well worth seeing the expression on his face.

I then caught up with Keith Van Horn, who earns about as much as Scalabrine while playing just as much. So, Keith, thoughts on Veal getting a ring? "You know my job is hard enough to be pestered by you damn reporters, why don't you guys get a real job."

 

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comments (9) write a comment »

  1. hilarious. nice work

  2. That is so funny. With the exception of that monster game the Pale Punisher had many postseasons back for the Nets, the guy has been terrible. I'm so glad the Celtics made "better" use of Scalabrine than my Nets did. Ha.

  3. lol good article

  4. Funny article, Danny! Hope your face feels better soon... :)

  5. haha...as a Trojan, I appreciate this more than you think.....Veal went to SC. Great article!

  6. This is really funny stuff. Scalabrine is ridiculous....what a goofball.

  7. hilarious

  8. HaHa! Kidd must've mistaken you for his wife, Danny. Oops. Did I just go there? Nicely done.

  9. Nice article. I have been counting the days till his contract expries since they signed him.

    Ainge should be even more anxious to get rid of Veal so that he can have his #44 retired into the rafters for bringing the trophy back to Boston.

    Every year the Celtics seem to need to have some overpaid white tall stiff on the team for the photo:

    Scalabrine
    Raef LaFrentz
    Vitaly Potapenko
    Andrew DeClerq
    Travis Knight

    Other less notable less expensive tall white stiffs in the last 10 years of little value:
    Scott Pollard
    Chris Mihm
    Bruno Sundov
    Dwayne Schintzius
    Zan Tabak

    Who will it be next for a few years...the #60 draft pick from Turkey Semith Erden?

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About the Author danny paskas (columnist)

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