NBA players make good money.
Such good money, as a matter of fact, that a lot of them hang on way past their prime to provide teams with "veteran leadership" and get dunked on—just for a paycheck.
Then, of course, there are plenty of annoying players who nobody really wanted to watch in the first place.
Here is a list of guys who have worn out their welcome:
1) Antoine Walker – MIN
He’s 6 foot 9, but shoots like he's 5 foot 6, with all of his little floaters, teardrops, and runners. I don’t know about you, but I have had ENOUGH of Antoine Walker. I would rather watch octogenarians have Viagra-aided sex than watch him play any more.
2) Shane Battier – HOU
Wow, he knows how to take a charge. Give him the MVP right now.
3) Josh Boone – NJ
Most worthless player in the league. Can he make a shot from further than three inches from the basket? Can he pull down double-digit rebounds? Can he NOT have a dumb look on his face ALL THE TIME?
Nope. Nice first-round pick, Nets. That’s some solid scouting right there.
4) Calvin Booth – PHI
My lord, how long has this uncoordinated mess been in the league? When he shoots a jumper it reminds me of my Grandpa taking a huge dump. Hang em up, Calvin...please, we’re begging you.
5) Bruce Bowen – SA
Bruce: We’re all very tired of watching you holding your man and flopping 90 times a night. Please, just stop. Please? C’mon man, PLEASE.
6) Brian Cardinal – MEM
The fact that this dude makes $6 million every year is enough to make me want to cut off my own junk and eat it. HIM? HE makes that much money?
The Grizzlies have built quite an organization. Why don’t they just offer Jon Koncak $10 mil just to come back and play?
7) Reggie Evans – PHI
Evans once grabbed a guy’s balls to try to get a rebound. 'Nough said.
We don’t need any ball-grabbers in the league, Reggie. If you want to grab guys' balls, go be a coach at Duke.
8) Penny Hardaway – MIA
That’s about all we need outta you, Anfernee. You can go now.
9) Juwan Howard – HOU
If you’re 6 foot 9, and all you can do is drop a soft, right-handed, petter dunk off of one foot, you have no business playing in the NBA. Plus, Howard's "jump" shot is the basketball equivalent of a goat having sex with a dead deer.
10) Raef Lafrentz – POR
I had enough of Lafrentz after watching his boring freshman year at Kansas...and he's STILL in the NBA? I can’t take this anymore. I’m gonna go jump off a cliff, or into an active, erupting volcano JUST so I don’t have to watch this guy play any more.
11) Vladimir Radmanovic – LAL
Alright, buddy: You signed your deal and got your chance to.start. 6.6 ppg last year, and a $5.5 mil contract—you’ve really shown you deserved that paycheck.
Go back to Croatia, get a horse, live in the mountains, and don't bother anybody.
12) Jacque Vaughn – SA
Remember the Family Guy where Chris asks "How does Kevin Costner keep gettin' work?" Well, go ahead swap the name Jacque Vaughn in there, because what has he EVER done to warrant a 10+ year NBA career?
Every time he checks into a game I’m watching, I flip the channel to C-SPAN—because farm-subsidy debates are 1,000 times more exciting than watching him play.
Did I leave anybody out? I’m sure there are more….
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9 months ago
Wow, this is one of the most bias and stupid report I have read for a long long time. If you can't think of anything good to write, you should just keep this in your private blog.
9 months ago
Walker should NOT retire. He needs a new team oh and tonight Walker helped Minny win while Miami lost again.
You seem pretty bitter in this ridiculous article. Must be a short fat old man that could never play sports mad that all these players make more money then he EVER will.
9 months ago
Find me ONE team that wouldn't love to have Shane Battier on their roster. If you do that, then I wont call this article the biggest waste of space on Bleacherreport.com.
9 months ago
Who ever wrote this article is the stupidest fattest loser anyone wouldn't ever want to meet. Bruce bowen is the best defender on the spurs, which would make him the best defender. Radmanovic shot all over the rockets from 3 in the game.
9 months ago
I may disagree with some of the assertions (particularly Battier and Bowen), but I find the article quite humorous.
Here are some of my favorite quotes:
"I would rather watch octogenarians have Viagra-aided sex than watch him play any more." (Antoine Walker)
"Can he make a shot from further than three inches from the basket? Can he pull down double-digit rebounds? Can he NOT have a dumb look on his face ALL THE TIME?" (Josh Boone)
"When he shoots a jumper it reminds me of my Grandpa taking a huge dump. Hang em up, Calvin...please, we re begging you." (Calvin Booth)
"Howard's "jump" shot is the basketball equivalent of a goat having sex with a dead deer." (Juwan Howard)
Come on guys, lighten up!
from 8 months ago
LOL funny stuff man, but Battier and Bowen are valuable players. Vladimir Radmonovic can still average about 15 ppg as a starter. GOOD READ THOUGH.
9 months ago
WTF other commenters, this article is clearly hilarious and so packed full of choice metaphors that I nearly soiled myself and I haven't even eaten a burrito recently. Good stuff, Justin. Way to arrive at BR with style. One question, though where's Donyell Marshall on your list?
9 months ago
My kind of article, out of the box and not obvious. I disagree with Battier & Bowen though, I for one think they are good (Battier) and great (Bowen). Bowen is the best on-ball defender in the NBA.
8 months ago
You are clearly the biggest douchebag I've ever encountered.
8 months ago
i'd like to add mark madsen to this list and when i think of more, i'll say so. as for all the pillow-biting pussies that have posted disses about this article, you clearly were all penetrated at a young age, dudewise.
8 months ago
Gotta agree with Mux on that one - you should all consider being attracted to women sometime, ya know, instead of being attracted to scrotums and stuff. Especially Erick with a "K" - the "K" stands for "I'm a huge fag"
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