It's that time of year when there is little else being written about the NFL other than the draft.
And the most common, and nauseating, topic is the almost completely useless mock draft.
Did I say almost completely useless?
I mean completely useless.
The attempt by experts, gurus and arm chair GMs to properly predict what 32 teams will do in the first, second or even third rounds and beyond is a preposterous waste of time. But dammit if people still don't pour over them hoping someone will "select" a player they want to see at their team's spot.
Oh the mock joy they must feel when (insert writer here) picks (insert college player here) for (insert team here) at (insert draft position here). If someone mock picks a certain player they really wanted to see, it must give them a mock (insert inappropriate slang term for male arousal here).
Now don't get me wrong, I enjoy this time of year as much as anyone.
The anticipation of the draft. The speculation of who will go where. Scouting players based on the needs of your favorite team. The building of the team's future through the draft. Or giving up all your draft picks to gamble on the "now" of a team (see Mike Ditka and the Saints, or Mike Lynn and the Minnesota Vikings trading for Herschel Walker). It really gets me excited for the NFL season to begin. Even though its still nearly five months away.
I just can't get excited over someone playing Karnack the Magnificent trying to predict what player will go where at what pick. You might as well lay a Tarot Card deck in front of me and tell me my future for what its worth.
So why do people get all in a tizzy for mock drafts? Is it their accuracy?
Well it can't be, because even the so-called "experts" rarely ever get close to picking 30% correctly. That is usually about nine out of 32, at best. Most do worse. Much worse. And that includes the first pick being a gimme by the night before the draft. There is also usually one or two other teams that have put up such huge flags that their picks are gimmes, too.
Maybe it's a self-serving smug attitude that give these experts and armchair GMs the (insert inappropriate slang term for testicles here) to actually think they can correctly pick what 32 NFL teams, or even one single team, will do come draft day.
I am not one of them. But I will attempt to Mock Draft my favorite NFL team, the Green Bay Packers.
Why not? If you read this far I'm sure you are anxious to see who I would pick the Packers to pick. Right? Maybe not. Maybe I am just mocking the over-anxious mock draft lover?
So without any further adieu, my Mock Mock Draft.
Green Bay Packers 2010 predictions:
Round 1 : I have no idea and neither does the Packers or anyone else until 22 other teams pick in front of the Packers.
Round 2 : I have even less of a clue, especially if the Packers traded up or back from their 23rd position in the first round.
Round 3 :I have absolutely no clue and neither does the Packers or anyone else right now.
Round 4 : Still no idea. None at all.
Round 5 : Are you seeing a pattern yet?
Round 6 : Zoltan Mesko, P, Michigan
Round 7 : If anyone can correctly predict what team picks who in the seventh round, they should be playing the lottery and stock market instead of wasting their time on mock drafts.
So there you have it. My 2010 Mock Mock Draft for the Green Bay Packers. I hope this was as much a waste of your time as all the other mock drafts are.
Now lets move on to April 22nd and the ridiculous attempt by the NFL to play out the drama of the draft by spreading it out over three days, starting with round one on prime time Thursday. If something deserves to be truly mocked, its that bright idea.
Those money-grubbing (insert your favorite profanity-laden tirade here) people at the NFL!
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