St. Louis Cardinals Turn Up the Freak Factor

Aaron HooksCorrespondent IApril 25, 2010

PHOENIX - APRIL 19:  Albert Pujols #5 of the St. Louis Cardinals in the dugout before the Major League Baseball game against the Arizona Diamondbacks at Chase Field on April 19, 2010 in Phoenix, Arizona. The Cardinals defeated the Diamondbacks 4-2.  (Photo by Christian Petersen/Getty Images)
Christian Petersen/Getty Images

The St. Louis Cardinals lost their first series of the year this past weekend in San Francisco.

How concerning is this to the Cardinals?

Let's try not at all. Or maybe 0%. Either would work.

Fans are understandably on edge. After all, the teams offense seems to be under the impression that they only have two options when batting: strike out or hit a home run.

While this approach isn't exactly preferred by baseball people, it has propelled the Cardinals to a comfortable first-place lead after three weeks.

And therein lies the rub: The Cardinals are playing, admittedly, some pretty poor offensive baseball.

But they also have Albert Pujols mired in a protracted slump, which was preceded by Matt Holliday going home games on end without a hit, which has been accompanied by Brendan Ryan barely cracking .100.

The list goes on. But I repeat: the Cardinals are in a comfortable first-place position heading into May.

Taking a quick around the NL Central brings even more confidence to the Cardinals that their regular season will earn them a shot at the playoffs.

The Cubs, who many expected to be a contender, are a mess, sending their 'ace' to the bullpen while their $140 million man, Alfonso Soriano, get's showered with boos and booze every time he plays at Wrigley Field.

The Astros, Pirates, and Reds are just not good. We can pretend like they're OK, but it's a lie. I've watched them all and they stink. They have absolutely no chance at winning this division.

It's basically the Cardinals vs. the Cardinals for the NL Central crown. And that means the Freak Factor is now in play.

The Freak Factor?

Meaning when you’re rich and famous, you can have a perfect pair of boobies in your mouth any hour of any day...nonstop. And you’re going to get tired of it.

So what do you do? Turn up the freak factor.

It’s the reason Eddie Murphy bangs transvestites or Hugh Grant gets caught with hookers with a penis or Big Ben sticks his grey dong in anything with a pulse…they know they can get what every other man craves anytime they desire it. They’d rather be freak huntin'.

The Cardinals are now only interested in the freaks, like the 20-inning marathon with the Mets for instance. And the rest of the season will be filled with minor slumps, minor issues, and ultimately a 10-game cushion to do with as they please.

Yes, it's only April. And yes, it's pretty early to be writing off an entire division. But really, the Comedy Central isn't going to catch up to the Cardinals: they've got too much talent. They're too deep.

I don't have an answer on what's going to get the Cardinals motivated this year. That's why they pay Tony La Russa millions of dollars. But I can tell you that the Cardinals only competition this year will be themselves.

How freaky will they get to make it interesting?