Ohio State Football Gameday Rules

Buckeye CommentarySenior Analyst IJuly 18, 2008

Yesterday, we read this, which we found via this, which we saw through these guys. And, we were inspired. We would like to thank each of these sources, even though after a reference chain hits three, any post becomes property of the Interweb.

1. Wear red! Where a red t-shirt, polo shirt, or just paint yourself red. Yeah, yeah, yeah we know the colors are scarlet and gray, but gray is far less prideful. And, white shirts with an Ohio State logo should be avoided.

If you wear anything beyond that, you should be banned from returning to the stadium for five years. Think about it. When ABC cuts to the blimp shot what do you want to see? A multicolored pixilated stadium or a solid, bright red Horseshoe teeming with noisy fans (assuming color can denote noise, of course).

Possible exception made for rainy games. Not everyone has a red redcoat.

2. If you attend the game, do not ask the people in front of you to sit down. Deal with it and stand up. It is a sporting event, folks. People get excited and excited people stand up. That is the way it is and the way it should be.

Live games are not convenient or comfortable. They are about energy and passion. If you want to ask other fans to sit down during commercial breaks, be my guest, but I am not sure why you are so interested in seeing the field then, anyway. Repeated requests for sitting should result in a collective booing from your section.

2a. Cheer audibly (when OSU is on defense, anyway). Standing there with your arms folded is not helping anyone. You do not need to yell until you go hoarse, but it would not kill you to clap a little. When I was younger, I remember going to games and the crowd noise would rattle opposing quarterbacks.

In 1988, I recall Demetrius Brown having to call timeouts because his line could not hear the snap count. Hand signals and silent counts have lessened the trouble caused by this noise, but the psychological boost provided to the home team and the unnerving it can provide opponents is absolute.

If you are still unsure, just go back and watch the 2002 and 2005 Ohio State v. Penn State games.

3. If you invite someone over to watch the Buckeyes, do not begin any sentence with, "Try not to..."  Unacceptable!  Adding the clause "my wife/kids are (blank)" is not going to help your cause, either.

Anything goes during Ohio State viewing, and these phrases will only anger the most ardent fans. Listen, it is not that we dislike your wife and/or children (yet), it’s just that you should not have invited us over if you were going to attach qualifiers to it.

We respect your family’s wishes, just not as much as Ohio State football. If told in advance, we may be able to provide earplugs or some of those construction earmuffs.

3a. If you are an incessant channel flipper, you have cause to watch games alone. Habitual channel flipping is a disease that requires serious treatment (usually severing of the thumbs) and its ripple effects can be disturbing.  

There is nothing worse than missing a big play because your friend flipped over to the Texas Tech v. Colorado game to avoid a few commercials.

If you must have people over, we suggest that you turn the television to the proper channel and then boil all available batteries in the house. This may result in noxious fumes, but at least you will see the entire game.

4. Whether at home or in the stadium, do not incessantly scream out for perceived uncalled penalties.  Seriously, the refs cannot hear you and would not care if they did.

Plus, you are not impressing anyone with your ability to yell "HOLDING!" at the top of your lungs 18 times per game. Instead, just write down the names of the sinful refs in your little book of hate and take care of it on your own time and out of the earshot of the rest of us.

5. Finally, be respectful to opposing fans. You can taunt them in a good-natured way. You can remind Michigan fans of their 1-6 record against Tressel. That is totally fine.

But yelling at women and children is outrageously bad (we are looking at you Wisconsin fans) and yelling “You suck!” at every person in opposing colors only makes every Ohio State fan look like a boob. Stick to the facts and a reasonable, if elevated, tone and avoid stringing together profanities and you should be all set.