We are less than a week away from the start of the 2010 College Football season, and less than a week away from the end of crystal-ball speculations about how our teams will look when they step cleat on the field of play.
Countless articles have been written about the pros and cons of each team, sending alternating waves of joy and concern through the hearts and minds of every diehard fan.
Despite having the most steadfast and consistent football program (that doesn't play Junior High caliber football teams all season long) of the past decade, it seems that Texas Longhorn fans are not exempt from these preseason hurricanes of worry that spin wildly out of control in the mind.
Maybe it's the high expectations that Texas is saddled with year after year that bring on these anxiety attacks, or maybe it's something else, but if you are a Longhorn Fan in danger of worrying the horns right off your burnt orange head, please allow me to teach you 5 easy words that should set your bovine mind at ease.
- Attitude: Over and over again when questioned about their new O-line, the other players on the team mention how much ATTITUDE the Big Boys up front seem to have this year. This word should be like music to your ears (Bawitdaba cranked up real freakin' loud, heavy on the bass), since this is what's been missing from the O-line for the past four years. Talent, Potential, Experience -- it's all been there at some point or another, but to no avail. ATTITUDE is what an O-line needs to play smash-mouth football every single play, and ATTITUDE is what the Big Boys are being accused of having this year.
- Lateral: The kind of quickness a defense really needs to be successful on every single down, and exactly the kind of quickness the UT defense is flush with. I love it when a D-lineman can run a 4.5 forty, but that doesn't mean squat if he can't move side to side. Sure it's nice to have your linebacker be able to chase down an RB who just bounced outside and ran right by him, but it's even better when he's there to meet the aforementioned RB and knock him over the bench and through the other teams water coolers (not the UT water coolers, cause moving laterally at very high speeds to demolish RB's makes defenders very thirsty). The Longhorn Defense moves very fast in every direction, especially when they move in LATERAL directions.
- Zoom: This is the sound the Longhorn's stable of receivers make as they blow past defending corners on their way to catch beautifully thrown deep balls from their high-pedigreed QB. On offense straight-line speed matters and the Horns have plenty of it.
- Crunch: The sound you will hear every time Christian Scott and Kenny Vaccaro lay the wood on some terrified soul who just happens to be unfortunate enough to end up with the football. This is a sound Defensive Cordinators love and mothers loathe. Seriously, these two guys will be lighting folks up like the 4th of July all season long. CRUNCH!
- Mushchamp: If you are truly a Longhorn Fan, then this word needs absolutely no explanation. If you are completely new to college football -- and I mean REALLY out of the loop -- then you may not know that MUSCHAMP is a word used to describe the best DC alive. But, then again, if you are that out of touch, you don't know what a DC is anyway, so who cares.
There it is, Longhorn Fans. If you just remember these 5 simple vocabulary words, then you should be able to weather any onslaught of anxiety brought on by pessimistic columnist who unashamedly lie to you about the state of your wonderful program.
And if this doesn't work for you, just find an umbrella to stand under until Sep. 4th when you can see for yourself just how silly all your worry storms have been.