The Blatherskite Files (Issue 1): Random Commentary On This Crazy Sports World

Justin HearnContributor IDecember 3, 2010

Rich Rod's on blatherskite patrol this week.
Rich Rod's on blatherskite patrol this week.Jamie Sabau/Getty Images

Welcome to “The Blatherskite Files”.

It’s a new, weekly little stream-of-consciousness feature I’ve concocted after careful study of the world of sports.

Most of you probably have heard the word “blatherskite” on Ducktales because Fenton Crackshell used it as his codeword to turn into Gizmoduck, and it basically means “nonsense” or “babbling”.

Anyhow, this feature will serve as my forum to give random thoughts and comments on some of the zany—and not-so-zany—things currently happening in the world of sports.

Remember, this column reflects my opinions and only my opinions. You’re welcome to yours, but you’re also welcome to come along for the ride.

Ready? Let’s go!

First, I want to give a big “Thank You” to Ohio State University president Gordon Gee for apologizing over his own blatherskite—those out-of-line BCS thoughts he shared with us a week ago.

Still doesn’t change the fact that thousands more Facebook users “liked” the “I Hate Ohio State” page this week. Oh, what a tangled web we Buckeyes weave.

So Rich Rodriguez wants to be a Michigan man? He’ll need a better “defense” than that.

Did you see the latest WNBA game? Yeah, neither did I.

NASCAR’s Jimmie Johnson is set to collect his record fifth-straight Sprint Cup trophy. Call me when he quarterbacks his way to five straight Super Bowl rings or pounds his way to five straight Stanley Cups, and so forth.

Awesome! Mike Mizanin is the WWE Champion, but it doesn’t seem like people are behind this new development. I’m fine with The Miz as champ, but not with the unrealistic finish to his match with Jerry Lawler where Lawler inexplicably fought with heel announcer Michael Cole despite having The Miz knocked out on the floor and the title in his grasp on the Nov. 29 episode of Raw.

Had this match not been scripted, Lawler probably would’ve simply kicked Michael Cole, who grabbed Lawler’s leg, away and climbed the ladder to win the title. Regardless, Miz took advantage of the ensuing Lawler-Cole brawl and held onto the WWE title.

This “Disney” version of WWE makes me miss HBK, Stone Cold, and biker Undertaker more every day.

Speaking of Michael Cole, he’s simply not a good announcer. Still, if a guy like Cole—who is about as entertaining as a crying infant—can become the voice of the WWE, then all of us who are stuck in the doldrums of entry-level broadcasting should have a floodlight of hope to be successful as well.

I imagine Cole got and keeps his job via the old stand-by “vintage” blackmail.

This week’s candidate for “Perfect Woman” is SportsNation’s Michelle Beadle. That’s right—Michelle Beadle. She’s the gorgeous girl with the fun personality who you could take to dinner and do nothing but talk sports with all night, and she probably wouldn‘t judge you for making silly jokes, either.

No doubt she’d look amazing in sweat pants and t-shirt and be just fine with it, too.

Oh, and did I mention that this woman puts up with Collin Cowherd? I’m guessing, as a result, she can handle just about any crap we men can dish out.

Lastly, in non-sports related banter, two DVD sets are hitting shelves this month, and I suggest you either buy them or put them on your Christmas list: Boy Meets World’s Fourth Season and Futurama: Volume 5.

The BMW release is out Dec. 7—that’s next Tuesday for you who hate calendars. Futurama’s latest batch of episodes find their way to your multimedia library Dec. 21.

I know, I know, I’m a nerd for liking Futurama, but it’s not the first time I’ve heard that, and you can bit my shiny, metal…wait, I don’t have anything metal next to me.

There’ll be more blatherskite on the way next week.

Until then, so long and stay super!