This Bowl Season, I have perched upon the venerable commode many times.
And, while flipping through sports literature and tearing out unnecessary pages, I pondered that ever-so-elusive question: "What does the general public want to hear this Bowl Season?"
Even after a season that was as predictable as a rabid squirrel tossed in a pond, people still have the audacity to make predictions and some are even placing bets on games. I pity the poor souls who lost money when the East Carolina Pirates steamrolled Boise State, the ten-point favorite.
BCS controversy, conspiracy theories, underdog mania...what am I leaving out? Oh yes, the traditional backstabbing that occurs in Bowl Season. The whole country was shocked upon hearing Les Miles' decision to turn down the Michigan Head Coaching job. Alas, Miles did not soften the hearts of so many coaches who were thirsting for higher salaries and better teams.
However, even these ship-jumping sissies can unite and point their fingers at an even larger scumbag: Rich Rodriguez.
The former Mountaineer coach is refusing to pay the $4 million buyout his contract says he owes WVU after bolting for the head coaching slot at Michigan.
Nay! That is not what everyone wants to talk about. What is?
What toys did the Bowl officials decide to give their players this year?
Setting The Trend
The Holiday, Allstate BCS National Championship, and Valero Alamo Bowls are all passing out Nintendo Wiis to their players. But the nation's hottest gadget pales in comparison to what the Champs Sports Bowl and the Capital One Bowl are doing. Both are letting their participants raid Best Buy with a $400 gift card for each player to get whatever his heart desires and will pay to mail any large items.
However, the Citi Rose and PetroSun Independence Bowls are not to be outshined...much. Each player is receiving a $300 Sony Bravia theatre system, which includes a digital media port, five-disc DVD/CD player and five-speaker surround system with subwoofer.
Wow...You Can't Be Serious...Really?
The GMAC bowl is giving Bowling Green and Tulsa sets of Sony noise reduction headphones. We can only hope that they players but their headphones on before they hear what other bowls were throwing around.
Meh...I've Seen Better
The Outback Bowl is giving away a Cybershot Digital Camera for the players to capture the beauty of other teams' Bowl prizes.
The Konica Minolta Gator Bowl got Virginia and Texas Tech the Oakley Thump. Sunglasses, music player: now one. The Thump crams a music player and earphones right into the frame of the sunglasses—pretty nifty.
iPod, Enough Said
The AutoZone Liberty Bowl is giving UCF and Mississippi State the Nike+ iPod kit (iPod chip for shoe), an Apple iPod, and a veritable cornucopia of other Nike apparel. The Adidas-sponsored UCF players can take the iPod, but will have to smuggle the Nike+ kit.
The iPod Nano Video is the Chick-fil-A Bowl's gift of choice, along with some other traditional items—but still, you gotta do better than that. Oh well, I guess these players can just enjoy the fact that they didn't get stuck in...
Detroit is a fine city that prides itself on automobiles, which is why the Motor City Bowl is awarding the hard-working players of Purdue and Central Michigan with... [insert drumroll] a leather monogrammed travel bag. But wait that's not all, each player receives a commemorative watch (leather wristwatch, off brand) and a football with BOTH TEAMS LOGOS ON IT!
Without Any Doubt, The Most BA Gift
I do not like to end things on a negative note, with so much already going wrong in today's college football world. This is why I will end with the gift most befitting an urban pimp—a gift so big that only the Texas Bowl could give it away.
Ladies and gentlemen, sportsfans of all ages: I give you the Boot!
TCU and Houston players, in compensation for playing in the most unimportant bowl, will be proud to receive $300 custom-fitted Nocona boots.
These bad boys can be made with just about any kind of leather, including ostrich, veal, alligator, sea turtle and whatever other animal you can hit with your car—it's each player's choice.
("BS BCS" Image Courtesy of Nick Anderson/Houston Chronicle)
("Sea Turtle Boots" Image Couresy of HotBoots.com)