WWE Superstars: Power Ranking the 10 Worst Movie Appearances by Wrestlers
The WWE has had its share of superstars. From Andre "The Giant" to Stone Cold Steve Austin, there have been countless numbers of stars that have brought entertainment into your homes and around the world for decades.
There has also been countless numbers of Superstars who move on from their careers in the ring to pursue a career in Hollywood. There has been some very good, some OK and some downright ugly.
I am going to power rank in order of "badness" the ten worst appearances in movies by WWE Superstars both past and present:
10) Race to Witch Mountain (The Rock)
In this movie, The Rock plays a ex-con named Jack Bruno, and he eventually gets the task with protecting two kids named Sarah and Seth and has to see them to a destination outside of Las Vegas into the middle of nowhere to a place to retrieve their space ship to return home and save Earth from being invaded by "The Syphon."
The government learns of a space ship crashing in that vicinity and sends Maj. Henry Burke after them to use their gifts for their own ends.
In a race to save the planet from paranormal invasion, Jack Bruno teams up with Dr. Alex Friedman to help the kids carry out their mission to reach the Witch Mountain.
The Review: The Rock plays an ex-con cab driver who just happens to come across two children who are deemed aliens by the government and he ends up inheriting a mission to safely get the kids to their ship so they can return home and save the Earth from inter-planetary invasion.
This movie is more aimed at the young Childrens' population. Spaceships? Kids with special powers? Sounds like a low-budget Sci-Fi cartoon rather than a movie, so this ranks No.10 on my last of bad wrestlers' movies.
9) Tooth Fairy (The Rock)
The Tooth Fairy is a movie that saw the Rock play an aggressive minor league hockey player named Derek Thompson, nicknamed the "Tooth Fairy" because of his knack of knocking out opposing players' pearly whites.
After a misdeed on Derek's part. he is then sentenced to be a "real life" Tooth Fairy, complete with a tutu, wings and a wand. After a period of time in his "new role", he realizes his own dreams that he had long forgotten after discouraging someone else's.
The Review: Shame on the Rock for discouraging someone else's dreams. He goes from a hard-charging hockey player to a tooth fairy. Where are we here? Are we in a fantasy game? The Rock is known for his roles in The Scorpion King, Faster, and Walking Tall just to name a few.
The Rock is an action hero meant for dodging bullets and kicking butt. It just seems too foreign to me to see him as a "Tooth Fairy" This movie ranks No.9 on my list of bad wrestler's movies.
8) Blade: Trinity (Triple H)
The Blade trilogy came to an end with the 2004 release of Blade:Trinity. Paul Levesque or Triple H as he is known in the WWE, worked with Wesley Snipes and Ryan Reynolds in the third movie following the story of the ultimate vampire hunter known as Blade.
Known as the character Jarko Grimwood, he assists the vampires in their bid to resurrect the world's most ancient and fearsome vampire: Dracula. The vampires have been nearly exterminated by Blade's years of effort, and they are looking to Dracula to solve their one weakness and become daywalkers: sensitivity to the Sun.
Through fear and intimidation, Grimwood was the enforcer of the vampires and the main combatant against Blade and his new found allies, the Nightstalkers.
The Review: We have seen alot of vampire movies in our time. From Dracula to Interview With the Vampire, there have been alot of people try to play a vampire role. Triple H is not one of them, unless someone created vampires on steroids without anyone looking.
Triple H is a professional athlete and a very good one at that. Let's leave it that way. This movie gets my No. 8 ranking on the all-time bad wrestler's movie list.
7) the Ringer (Terry Funk)
This 2005 film was starred by Johnny Knoxville, portraying a character named Steve Barker who was in a really bad spot. Having a REALLY bad debt breathing down his neck, Steve decides to pose as a contestant in the Special Olympics in order to pay off the debt.
After a heinous accident, Steve decides to enter to both help pay to have his friend Stavi's fingers re-attached and help his dad Gary payoff some of his gambling debts.
Steve enters as Jeffy Dahmor and eventually comes in third place and after becoming disgusted with his actions, he gives up his third place medal and tries to apologize to Lynn, played by Katherine Heigl, a volunteer in the Olympics but is initially rebuffed as Lynn's shock over what Steve had done.
In the end of the movie, Lynn comes to the theater where Steve is working and at the urging and explanation by his friend Stavi. Lynn accepts his apology and they kiss.
Terry Funk makes a cameo appearance in this movie with Jesse Ventura. He only got this appearance based on his friendship with Director Barry Blaustein. Speaks volumes as to what people think of the former WWE wrestler.
The Review: We've seen enough idiocy and ignorance in all the Jackass episodes and movies. Do I need to see anymore? Terry Funk only makes a cameo appearance. What does that say? This movie gains the No. 7 ranking on my list.
6) the Chaperone (Triple H)
The 2011 movie, The Chaperone starred by Triple H is about a ex-con named Ray Bradstone who at the last second, forgoes his criminal past and leaves his old crew led by a man named Phillip Larue without a driver in a bank robbery that doesnt go according to plan.
Ray then decides in an act of goodwill toward his daughter and to make up for lost time after spending time in prison for the previous criminal acts, to chaperone her class trip to the Museum of Natural History.
Larue isn't going to go away that easy as he blames Ray for the failed robbery and chases the bus all the way to the destination. Through dealing with demons of the past and trying to make amends with his daughter, he must deal with Larue and see that the bus gets to the Museum.
The Review: Another movie about an ex-con trying to right his wrongs. Even though it's only a movie, how many more times are we going to have to suffer through this? This movie gets the No. 6 ranking on my list of all-time bad movies by a wrestler.
5) Mr. Nanny (Hulk Hogan)
Starred by Hulk Hogan, this movie portrays Hogan as Sean Armstrong assigned to babysit a high-profile father's children who are very much into pranks and booby traps for the nannies assigned to watch them.
Alex Jr and Kate present many problems for Sean until he finally exerts his superiority and calms them down. In the process, a rival comes after the children's father's chip and it takes Sean to open not only to what his kids do, but the problems in his life as a whole.
The Review: So now I know where they got the idea for Are We There Yet? from. Hulk Hogan as a babysitter? Do I need to say anymore? People don't want to see that. This movie gets the No. 5 ranking on my list of bad movies by wrestlers.
4) Knockout (Stone Cold Steve Austin)
This movie stars Stone Cold Steve Austin as retired boxer-turned janitor Dan Barnes. Dan retires from boxing trying to escape his violent past. In the school that Dan is working in, he comes across a new student named Matthew Miller.
Dan then tries to help Matt cope with the constant tormenting of bullies, one of which include the school's boxing champion Hector Torres. Dan then realizes that even in his not-so distant past full of violence, he can help others find the heart of a champion within themselves.
The Review: While Stone Cold Steve Austin is a renowned athlete, and whenever he teaches something, he knows what he is talking about, but the movie wasn't as popular as The Longest Yard or the Condemned.
Stone Cold Steve Austin is also an action hero, and thats what people want to see him do in movies. This movie has the No. 4 ranking on the bad wrestler's movie list.
3) the Mummy Returns (The Rock)
This 2001 movie, starring Brendan Frasier and The Rock, portrays the story of how the mummified remains of Imhotep again awakens to go on a rampage of death and violence.
The Rock plays the evil Scorpion King in the Temple of Anubis. He was once Mathayus, the Akkadian warrior who freed the Egyptian people from the clutches of an evil dictator.
After going mad in the desert, Mathayus and his men wished to the god Anubis to live and to use his undead Army to vanquish his enemies, but it comes at a terrible price. Mathayus must become Anubis' incarnate guardian of his temple: a freakish looking half-scorpion, half-human monster.
The Scorpion King is finished off with the legendary spear of Osiris in the movie, thus stopping the resurrection of Anubis' Army, much to the relief of Frasier and his compatriots.
The Review: The Rock was only in the movie for a brief struggle. In my opinion, he shouldve had a more prominent role to match up with the story of how he became such a fearsome monster. For that reason, this movie earns the No. 3 ranking on the list.
2) the Game Plan (The Rock)
This movie starring the Rock, portrays the life of an NFL quarterback named Joe Kingman. Joe is living the bachelor's lifestyle and has it all playing for the Boston Rebels.
All is going well for the face of the franchise, until something isnt quite right. Unbeknownst to him, his eight-year old daughter is waiting at his doorstep.
Joe eventually realizes that Peyton (played by actress Madison Pettis) is a long lost daughter that he had from a previous relationship and he goes to great lengths to grudgingly welcome the sometimes annoying child into his life.
The Review: This is yet another Disney movie that portrays the Rock in a peculiar role. As I said in a previous slide, the Rock is an action hero and he belongs in action movies. Case closed. This movie earns the No. 2 ranking on my list
And finally, the WORST movie ever by a wrestler is:
1) the Marine (John Cena)
This movie stars John Cena as a recently discharged Marine who sees his wife kidnapped, and he must go to great lengths to get her back.
John Triton goes on a wild-goose chase through South Carolina with only one thing on his mind: to save his wife. After being discharged from the conflict in Iraq, he answers the call of duty again as his wife is captured by a group of diamond theives led by a guy named Rome.
Triton gets his wife back and eventually assists in bringing the theives to justice.
The Review: This movie is bad on so many levels. With conflicts around the globe raging and touching so many lives and costing a fortune in lives and treasure, this movie gives a false representation as to how bad discharged veterans actually have it after coming home from overseas.
John Cena is another athlete who is well respected in the squared circle, and in my opinion should stick to drawing crowds in the nation's many wrestling arenas. This movie earns the No. 1 ranking on my list of worst wrestler's movies.
I know some people may think otherwise, but in my opinion everyone that I have named in this list are respectable, hard-working people but they can definitely do better than these movies.
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