LeBron James Would Make a Bad Green Lantern

Ryan Braun@@rycotaincAnalyst IJune 10, 2011

I’ve decided to provide the accompanying copy for this cartoon via the age-old form of Japanese (?) wordplay…i.e. the poem.

“If I had a power ring,” by Ryan Braun in AB-AB:

(If you have your “Sounds of Nature” CD, now would be a good time to put it on.)

If I had a power ring,

I’d thank my lucky stars,

Then try and end world hunger,

Then Ebola, AIDS and SARS.

And when the world was better,

Which I kind of had to do,

I’d go affect the Finals,

And make LeBron James play exactly as he has been, because seriously, what other explanation is there more plausible than somebody in Cleveland illegally procured a Green Lantern-esque power ring and has been using it to sabotage the Heat?

I honestly think that’s what happened. That, or at some point between Game 1 and Game 2, Dan Gilbert started making substantial investments in Buffalo Wild Wings.

There are now two games (at most) left in the NBA season, both in Miami, about which Heat beat writer Brian Windhorst points out (via Chris Tomasson) that teams down 3-2 with the last games at home have a respectable 3-4 record in the Finals.

That was for the Miami fan(s).

For the rest of the world?

Let's hope that Dallas has one more in them. You know, so that the universe does not implode.


This has been week five of the ever-evolving Bleacher Retort cartoon—published every Friday on the B/R Swagger page. Come back next week, if you would, as we’re trying to establish a following. :)

The Green Lantern-themed entry for this week was meant to commemorate the release of the Green Lantern movie. The Green Lantern movie that comes out next Friday. Whoops. You can’t win them all, I suppose. Though, hopefully, we can get four out of seven.

The Shout-Out section:

  1. Indefatigable Editor Rollin H.
  2. Indefatigable colorist Nico Colaleo, who, again, did some hellacious color work on this picture.
  3. Center for American Athletic Progress.

Thank you all, and thank you everyone for reading!

Check back next week!