Recently I had the privilege of reading an article by B/R writer James Williamson about one of the NFL’s premier quarterbacks, Kurt Warner.
The Pick of the Day for Nov. 6, it described Warner as a person who, despite many trials and tribulations, was able to achieve his most prized goal by hard work, determination, and perseverance.
The last line of the article read as follows: “God Bless you, Kurt Warner. I hope our new generation of men grow up to be just like you.”
So naturally, I thought to myself, “Why not me?” Immediately I spouted off 10 reasons that did a fair job of justifying why it shouldn’t be me.
- “You’re 135 lbs soaking wet.”
- “You throw like a girl.”
- “Your mom still packs your lunch.”
- “Your Aunt Beatrice still buys your clothes.”
- B/R Ticket Guide
- “Your favorite movie is The Notebook (not Rudy, like you tell your friends).”
- “You’re afraid of owls, let alone 300-pound linemen chasing you like your mamma’s homemade chicken.”
You know, just to name a few.
Nevertheless, I knew in my heart that Kurt Warner wouldn’t let those setbacks overcome him. So on I press.
I decided that I needed a plan. A sure fire path to success. I grabbed my Trapper Keeper and tore out a sheet of paper. At the top of the page I wrote five words: God bless you, Kurt Warner.
This is my drive, my inspiration. If Kurt Warner can make it in the NFL, so can Michael Cline.
Besides, I’m more than qualified!
Just look at this resume:
Experience
In the eighth grade, I was quarterback for the Utica Junior High Redskins. No small feat, I assure you. I proudly wore that jersey on the sideline all year long.
Loyalty
When I was 10, I was captain of the “No Girls Allowed” Club. The other boys rewarded me with a gold star and a pack of Skittles for not allowing a single girl in all summer…except for Sally Mae, but no one knows about that really.
Smarts
One Thousand. That’s right. One thousand on the SAT, need I say more?
Looks
See the picture to the right? Tell me that’s not the face of a champion.
Yes, this dream will soon be reality.
Tomorrow I go to Piggly Wiggly to stock up on Campbell’s Chunky Soup. And from there I start my training: Billy Blank’s Tae Bo arrived in the mail today.
I’ve also got the tire roped to the tree, monkey bars in the back yard, and my dad said I could use his old football as long as I don’t lose it in the woods.
Not to mention the local high school told me yesterday that I could utilize the football stadium for practices on Sundays as long as the gates are opened. Not sure what that means, but as sure as there’s Sooners in Texas, I’ll be there Sunday!
For the next year of my life I will be a machine. A machine with one mission: to overcome the odds, put to shame the naysayers, and become the next great player in the National Football League.
And it’s all because of one man, one purpose, one passion.
God bless you, Kurt Warner.
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about 1 month ago
Wow, Michael, wow. I have no other words. But with Campbell's soup, who knows?
from about 1 month ago
Look what it did for Michael Strahan.
Thanks for the comment Tim.
about 1 month ago
this is the funniest shi* i have read in a long time. great job. laughed the whole way through.
from about 1 month ago
haha, thanks Matthew. Glad you liked it.
about 1 month ago
Brilliant stuff Michael, still cracking up :D
from about 1 month ago
lol
Thanks Michelle. That means a lot coming from a fellow humor writer!
about 1 month ago
hahha man good job. I believe in you. lol
from about 1 month ago
It's all about the fans really. Thanks for believing in me, it's fuel for the fire. lol
about 1 month ago
haha. Great job getting me to laugh.
from about 1 month ago
Glad I could help Thomas, good to see you back, even if it's only for a little while.
about 1 month ago
Alright, I gotta say--you are hilarious! Owls??? Really?? Who comes up with that?
Sallie Mae was worth it I bet :)
**** POTD
from about 1 month ago
lol. Well I really AM afraid of owls. haha...Anything that can turn it's head 180 degrees is not a friend of mine.
Sallie Mae broke my heart. But I'm a better man for it. ;)
Thanks for the pick Kristin!
about 1 month ago
Great read, Michael!
I particularly enjoyed the part about using your dad's football so long as you don't lose it in the woods. That sounds like something my dad has said to me.
POTD!
p.s. Where is Sallie Mae now?
from about 1 month ago
That's EXACTLY what my dad would've said! As for Sallie Mae, last I heard she was married to some NFL quarterback, guess I'm too late.
Thanks for the pick Jeffrey!
about 1 month ago
Great read M.C.! All I ask is that I get the first post Super Bowl interview with you....and autographs for my boys. POTD
from about 1 month ago
How about a PRE Super Bowl interview. I'm available most days.
Thanks for the comment and the pick.
about 1 month ago
Absolutely hilarious.
from about 1 month ago
lol Thanks Monk.
about 1 month ago
Man I love this article. I don't feel as bad now for getting a 970 on my SAT. And also the title is great. I will be saying it when he leads me to a fantasy championship and big payday. Well done!!!!
from about 1 month ago
I still beat you! Thousand baby! lol
Wish I had Kurt on my team, I'm stuck with Garrard. He's getting better though.
about 1 month ago
Pat; LOL. HAHAHAHAHA.
Bernie: Pat, calm down. Last time you laughed this hard is when Uncle Arnold fell off his rocking chair
Pat: (wipes away tears of laughter). This was heavenly. Brought me back to the good old days, when Bryan Adams was a hit
Bernie: Ah, come on man. Anyway we loved it Mike!
Pat: Yeah, Bern loved it because youa re 135 lbs soaking wet. His new girlfriend is 135 lbs...and let me tell ya something..she ain't soaking wet
from about 1 month ago
lol
Bryan Adams had a hit??
Thanks for the comment guys...means a lot coming from some b/r studs like you.
about 1 month ago
IDK if your mocking me or just being funny, but whatever it is, it is hilarious!
from about 1 month ago
lol...Just in it for the laughs my friend. Glad it worked!
about 1 month ago
My wife and I just read this article and cracked up the whole time. Wait...I've gotta get more tissues for my tears from laughing so hard. This is my first read of yours, I'll check out some more.
from about 1 month ago
Kleenex should give me a cut! Glad you and the wife liked it. There's plenty more where that came from ;)
about 1 month ago
this cracked me up ... good one! i couldnt stop laughing the whole time!
POTD Michael, great job!
from about 1 month ago
haha...I hope you didn't hurt yourself! Thanks for the pick Miah!
about 1 month ago
This was a really cute article, I liked the painted language... seems like you really got in character!
You sound like a trooper lol
from about 1 month ago
lol Maybe a Super Trooper!
Glad you liked it Brittany, wasn't too hard to get in character. I don't take myself too seriously. lol
about 1 month ago
"No girl allowed club"? Just wondering if that is a direct reference to my good friends Stan and Jan Berenstain, who wrote the Berenstain Bears series (childrens books) back in the 70s/80s?
from about 1 month ago
You KNOW them???
When I wrote that, that series wasn't in mind, but I have no qualms in saying that I was an avid reader of the Berenstain Bears. haha Good times.
about 1 month ago
michael,
don't forget the raw eggs. vital to the morning prep before you run up the road with chains around your neck and your buddy following you in his car.
however, your rise to the nfl has been done before, you'll recall the movie, invincible. but surely no every day joe will dominate like i anticipate you will. can i document your journey?
also, you're afraid of owls???
from about 1 month ago
Shhhhhh...you'll wake them!
I'll be sure to add the eggs to the shopping list. I'll definitely need the protein. I'm OK with you documenting my rise to the top of the NFL, just make sure we're able to get a deal with HBO. If people watched the Cowboys, why wouldn't they watch me?
about 1 month ago
Good one Michael. Don't forget Ohio native Frank Solich who went out to Nebraska when Bob Devaney came over from Wyoming in 1962. Frank was 5-8 and 158 pounds. He started a FULL-back for a Nebraska team that went 28-2 in three regular seasons.
You don't have to be big to be great. Happens all the time. Ever hear of a kid name David?
from about 1 month ago
David! You're right! He's great inspiration as well.
about 1 month ago
What a cunt
from about 1 month ago
Me or Kurt Warner?
from about 1 month ago
Maybe he's talking about the owl!
about 1 month ago
Michael I'm gonna share my fruit snacks with you for this one. This was seriously HILARIOUS! A little Diet Dr. Pepper almost came out of the nose because I got caught in a laugh with a mouth full of soda!
Hootie-Hoo!
Sheer genius!!!!
POTD for sure!
from about 1 month ago
hahaha
I'm glad you didn't ruin your keyboard, I've already had to buy 2 new ones for people who spit out beer while reading one of my articles. I guess I should start with a disclaimer. I'm glad you enjoyed it Kara. Thanks for the comment, and the pick!
about 1 month ago
Im not right about often but i was dead on about Kurt Warner
See for yourself..
http://bleacherreport.com/articles/50872-kurt-warner-should-win-the-arizona-cardinals-starting-job
from about 1 month ago
who in the heck responds to a comment with their own damn article? that fool should be removed with a black pen stamped on his ass.
still laughing at this article.
about 1 month ago
Required is the night shift at the Piggly Wiggly.
That's where Kurt got right with himself, and his future.
Rumor is hitting the vegetable guy across the middle with umpteen Charmaine rolls fine tuned Kurt's delivery.
Food for thought. :)
from about 1 month ago
haha...you're right! Nothing like tossing a roll of toilet paper across a grocery store! Great idea Gustako.
about 1 month ago
Too much Michael, freaking hilarious.
Only question is while looking to Warner, have you been dipping into Ricky Williams stash?
BTW, my wife loves "The Notebook", so I've had it inflicted upon me few times (no, it isn't really that bad). At least you didn't say your fav was "The Birdcage" or "Mr. Bean".
about 1 month ago
dude you need to write one in this format about willie! that would be great. or do it on John-he always likes it when boys write about him. john lorge. he likes it from behind ya know....
from about 1 month ago
Where is Sweet Willie?
I think he's gone into hiding,
...because he FEARS you (or me)!
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