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SAN DIEGO, CA—After a rather productive day of writing two articles, one of which proved to be highly controversial, B/R writer Eric Gomez toasted his success with a few beers at his neighborhood bar...

B/R Writer Distressed, Confused Over Loss of Fan

by Eric Gomez (Analyst)

25

415 reads

Humor

November 27, 2008

Humor, Media, Sports & Society, Satire, BR Chatter, Creative writing

SAN DIEGO, CA—After a rather productive day of writing two articles, one of which proved to be highly controversial, B/R writer Eric Gomez toasted his success with a few beers at his neighborhood bar.

"First round's on me!" Gomez yelled out to his friends, not realizing he had done so loud enough for all of the bar's patrons to hear him. He would soon be on the hook for $309.34 worth of alcohol.

Later that evening, Gomez trekked back home and promptly logged on to monitor feedback to his articles. He discovered a shocking and upsetting event.

"I logged on, went straight to my profile—and I had 35 fans," he explained, looking down and shaking his head.

  • B/R Ticket Guide

"This morning I had 36. I—I don't know what happened." he continued, covering his mouth in an attempt to hold back tears and squeaking noises.

After a moment he used to apparently collect himself, Gomez pulled out his cell phone and placed a call.

"Hello, 911? Yeah. I know you usually have to wait 24 hours to report a missing person, but I can't wait that long. One of my fans is missing," he said, pausing to silently await a response.

"My name? Eric Gomez. What? No, I'm not a singer. I'm a writer. What? No, I didn't write that episode of 'Everybody Loves Raymond.' I'm a sportswriter. Bleacher Report dot com.

"Oh. Well, actually, it's this open source website, so uh—technically, I'm not a professional. What? Well, yeah. See, there's this little system where people can choose to be your fans. No, it's not a little like MySpace. No, I'm not 16. What? I can't hear you over all the laughing. What?

Hello? Hello?"

Undeterred, Gomez leaped from his chair, located his jacket, and stormed out of his apartment.

"This isn't over. I'm going to find him...or her. I'm not sure who stopped being my fan. But I'll know when I see him...or her. I'll know."

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comments (25) write a comment »

  1. Thanks for the great story after a great thanksgiving meal and day!

    1. Haha, thanks. Glad I could be a part of your day.

    2. Good article. Although I don't celebrate thanksgiving and the first line of the article kind of bored me into writing this comment anyway...

      narm

  2. It's a weird feeling lol. 5 stars mate.

    1. The police were less than understanding. Thank you, that will ease the pain a bit.

  3. I lost a fan the other day too. I was gutted — I could no longer give myself the cool moniker (in my eyes) of Alex 'Ocho Cinco' Dimond. I was going to make it a legal name and everything.

    If ever you find the punk that did this, let me know....

    1. I'm not sure I was stoked about 36 as a number, I mean... Jerome Bettis? Meh. But the sheer audacity! I'm sure he/she has been kidnapped and/or brainwashed. I'm still looking.

  4. It was ME! MUHAHAHAHAHA.

    No it wasn't, but nice work. I bet they just deleted their profile...I don't even know how to "unfan" somebody...lol

    1. Hah. Neither do I as a matter a fact. That's why I'm sure something bad happened! Or something.

    2. You could ask Robert from the MMA community. He told me he hated me, my opinions, writing and becoming my fan was a huge mistake, and then he unfanned me. He is 15 or 16 and much more computer literate than I. I am sure if you look him up he will tell you how he did it. He is still young and loves to brag.

  5. It's sad..especially for somebody like Eric, btw mate your articles are spectacular..to hell with the missing fan and 911 - we're counting on you, bring em home.

    1. I'm still out there. This message was sent via iPhone. I've been sitting outside this liquor store for hours, since that's where my fans usually hang out - but nothing yet. I'll keep you posted.

  6. nice article! fun read!

    1. Thanks a lot, Andrew. Say, you wouldn't know anything about a missing fan, would you?

  7. fun read, i think this brings to light just how important the commitment of B/R fandom is. what if you become someone's fan and they start to suck, you have to erase your profile to get out of that relationship. so when you become someone's fan, it's forever.

    make those decisions wisely kids.

    1. Luckily, I don't suck. I mean... some of my articles haven't gotten a lot of comments, but that's just because I've directed them to smaller communities, right? Right? Oh God. Oh no.

  8. i would be devastated if i lost a fan! i thought i lost someone so i wrote him a note on his message board asking what s wrong? did i write something that offended you? then i saw he was still a fan. i felt stupid! but i think i did lose someone but i could nt figure out who. i just remember his picture. It haunts me! those eyes!! lol. maybe i should have a contest. sign up to be my fan, we can have adrawing and the winning new fan gets an autographed picture of a tired 53 year old. lol thomas

    1. I was so devastated (and nerdy about it) that I wrote an article, displaying myself as a moron. When I find him/her, a firm talkin' to is in order!

  9. I feel for you

    well...not really

    I only have about 9 fans

    I guess no one really likes my work

    but this was funny

    good piece of writing Eric Gomez the singer/writer/writer again

    your like a triple threat

    I can see it now...

    Eric "Triple Threat" Gomez

    or

    Eric "The Big 3" Gomez

    ...Eric "Three-peat" Gomez

    .......

    ......

    Eric "2 plus one, minus 5, plus 2, minus 2, plus 5" Gomez

    that last one really sticks

    1. I might actually use that.

    2. I bet if you did you would have more fans

      people tend to like nicknames as such

  10. Funny stuff. I change my mind and "unfan" people every now and again but I didn't realise the distress it caused. I promise I won't do it again!

    1. If anything, this is a cautionary tale.

  11. I NEVER COUNT FANS..I ASSUME THAT IF I ADD THEM THEY MAY ADD ME..IF THEY DON'T ITS THEIR LOSS..LOL..BTW-LIKED THE ARTICLE..
    stokey dafire

  12. I like to check to see my fans. I didn't know we can lose 'em *biting finger nails, looking around nervously*

    Gosh, now I gotta make sure I don't tick anyone off that had fanned me.

    LOL, great read Eric.

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