"Only two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity. And I'm not sure about the former." - Albert Einstein
There is a broken and developing story about the New York Giants' problematic receiver, Plaxico Burress. The story, as I'm sure you've heard/read, is that the man accidentally shot himself in the leg with, presumably, a handgun. Shot himself in the thigh and spent the night in the hospital.
I am staggered by the indescribable stupidity required for such an act.
Until shortly before my eighth birthday, my family lived in St. Louis, MO. While there, we'd spend summers in the more rural parts of the state. If you've never lived in the Midwest, there's a good chance you have no idea what "rural" means. This was a place where you could spend weeks, ranging far and wide on foot or by river, without ever encountering another human being.
These are the places where six-year-olds learn to shoot a .22 rifle.
For the last two decades, my family has lived in the suburbs of San Francisco. Suffice it to say, the attitude towards outdoor riflery is not the same. Nor is it really feasible. Instead, my dad and I shoot most weeks in an indoor range. We've also graduated to handguns, three .45s to be exact.
A 1911 Gold Cup, a Les Baer Thunder Ranch Special, and a Wilson Combat Tactical Supergrade.
I have been around guns all my life. You can debate the merit/intelligence of this all you want, but you cannot debate what I am about to say: Anyone who could accidentally shoot himself without a truly spectacular freak occurrence is terrifyingly reckless. And that makes him dumb, exceedingly so.
- B/R Ticket Guide
You either have or have not been around a gun.
If you have not been around one, the very idea should and does inspire the utmost caution if you are even semi-reasonable. If you have been around a gun and operate a functional central cortex, the power of a loaded weapon terrifies you into exercising even more caution than that.
Plaxico falls into one of the above categories by definition.
And yet he accidentally shot himself. In the thigh, not a toe or a finger or some other outer extremity. The thigh.
Maybe there is some totally reasonable explanation. I gotta say though, I struggle to conceive of one. The problem with a ricochet theory is that it's almost impossible to get one if you exercise reasonable caution. Step one of reasonable caution is finding a place where such ricochets are almost impossible.
Like a gun range.
If it wasn't a ricochet, that means he was carrying around a loaded, chambered, and cocked firearm. There are just no words to describe how insanely moronic that is. Your average idiot might leave a gun laying around with ammunition in the clip/cylinder. That's dumb enough. To actually be carrying around a chambered round is ludicrous.
Unless you're a cop or some such occupation where it's part of the job.
But a weapon that's ready to fire? Subject to the above exceptions, you just don't do that. Ever.
Now, maybe I'm wrong. Maybe it wasn't a handgun. Maybe it was a rifle or a shotgun. Maybe it was some totally reasonable, totally freak accident. Maybe it wasn't even an accident. Except for the freak accident, would any of those scenarios make this better?
If it wasn't an accident, and this is his cover story, what the hell was the real one?
As for the freak accident, does anyone really believe that's likely? Remember, I'm not even sure one exists that could explain it. And if it wasn't a handgun, the probability of a reasonable accident shrinks to almost zero.
Most of the stupidity in the National Football League only results in catastrophe when mixed with equal parts lack of self-control. Here, catastrophe was only averted through luck. A gunshot wound is never a laughing matter, but one in the thigh (where a major artery runs) is especially dangerous.
Had catastrophe struck, it would have been one of the more serious tragedies in recent memory. Even by the NFL's unfortunate standard. And it would have been the product of sheer stupidity. That alone.
Only luck saved Plaxico Burress from himself. And this time, the penalty could have been infinitely more costly than a suspension.
Consider how happy he must be to be in a hospital, done for the year, and stuck watching his team defend their Super Bowl title. Something that looks at least probable at this point.
The Dumbest Player in the History of the NFL is a lofty title and one for which there are many worthy candidates.
But Plax gets my vote.
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about 1 month ago
I don't know if he's THE dumbest, but he's definitely worthy of a nomination. Both this and his excuse for missing practice earlier in the season are dumb (with this one obviously being exponentially worse).
The only scenario I can think of in which he could have accidentally shot himself is if he was doing that thing where guys stuff their gun down the front of their pants. Someone would just have to hit up against it the wrong way and it could probably go off (though I admittedly don't really know anything about guns). I'm surprised more guys aren't accidentally neutered from the move.
from about 1 month ago
That may very well be what happened, but that would still mean he had a round chambered without the safety on at the very least. There's just no reason for an NFL player to be toting one in the pipe like that. And stuffing a loaded gun down the front of your pants is equally ridiculous. Not to say that it doesn't happen all the time.
Of course, none of that means he's the dumbest. You're absolutely right that it's almost impossible to tab the dumbest.
As usual, great feedback.
about 1 month ago
If anyone can add a picture to this, feel free to do so.
B/R isn't letting me add any pics at the moment. Perhaps I've misbehaved....
about 1 month ago
I think he is even more trouble than TO. People talk about Owens being so much trouble, well at least he practices and doesn't get in trouble.
from about 1 month ago
Plax has certainly zoomed passed TO with this latest antic (depending on what the true story is) in my opinion. And, as you know w/re to TO, that's saying something ;-)
Granted, saying you're not as bad as Burress isn't saying all that much. But TO has been impressive so far this year. Except for that Primetime interview, he's handled himself pretty well. And that was pretty mild, all things considered.
I don't think they're outta the woods until Dallas qualifies for the postseason, but I've gotta give TO credit for not blowing the team to bits where I think he would have done so in the past.
Still, I wouldn't make any conclusions until that NYG game (unless of course they win on the road in Pittsburgh).
from about 1 month ago
T.O. is scum too though. They're just scum in their different way.
from about 1 month ago
TO scum? Are you sure you are not getting him mixed up with Pacman?
about 1 month ago
You don't have to break federal laws in order to be scum.
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