Confessions of a Hypocrite: Pondering the Kevin Garnett Era

Thomas HalzackAnalyst ISeptember 14, 2007

Okay, I’ll admit it—I’m a hypocrite, and have been since The Trade.

Yes, I know. One day at a time. Easy does it.

I've to come to grips with the truth about myself. It’s time for group therapy. I need help.

Friends keep their distance. Dogs bark at me. Cats run away. Birds stop chirping when I walk by. I make babies cry. 

Strangers  abruptly cross to the other side of the street when I get close. They can see it in my eyes. There's a scarlet H on my forehead.

It’s not easy being me. Even street lights blink off as I pass by.

You see, you can’t have it both ways.

You can’t break the cosmic rules.

Rice or potatoes. Meat or fish. Big breakfast or big supper. Paper or plastic. Pizza or Chinese.  Neil Young or Neil Diamond. Reality shows or the History Channel.

Never both. 

My dilemma?

Am I a citizen of Three-Man Domination Nation...or driving on the Team Play Highway?

I’ve praised the power of teamwork.

I’ve also shown that three stars playing together can dominate a game.

So if you ask me, “Well? Which is it? Which are you for?"...

I’d have to think a moment and see just what my thoughts are.

I’ve thought.

Here's how it is:

If Danny Ainge and Doc Rivers get this crew to win a title with three stars dominating the scoring, I'm absolutely, totally, completely okay with it.

I am.

In fact, I’ll be rooting all the way to the three-way fight over who gets Finals MVP. 

It’s a tie!!!

After all, I showed recently how balance has been overrated. The C's have won championships with imbalanced teams. Other franchises have had success with two dominant players.

If Boston rides a three-man show to a title, I'll revel in Danny's doing what many thought he couldn’t possibly do: trading for the league’s silkiest shot while keeping enough in the bank to land the biggest catch in the NBA pond this side of Kobeville.

Instant winner. Just add Pierce. And mix.

So that you understand I’m a hypocrite, I have to tell you all that.

But here's what I’d really prefer to see from this group in a title run:

1) At least one star giving up shots, with his average running four points south of normal.

2) James Posey averaging 15-16 points per game...and Ruben Patterson cursing out loud, “That could have been me! If only I lived a cleaner life!”

3) The Davis and Powe Show—sounding like a WWF tag-team, a law firm or a comedy duo. But the other team won't be laughing when James and Glen turn into a wrecking crew. The starters are getting tired? Bring in Davis and Powe. They're Boston's Beastie Boys—they fight for the right...to ball with the stars. Who wins out? Both do on my wish list.

4) Kendrick Perkins averaging 10 points per game thanks to open looks underneath. And 10 boards in 28 minutes—thanks to fouls. A 28 minute double-double guy. Hey, David Lee did it. Why not Perk? Oh yeah—he also goes injury free for the year.

5) Eddie House snapping the strings for 10 points and three assists per night, proving everyone wrong about his PG skills.

6) The Celts finishing among the NBA's top five in total assists.

7) The bench surprising EVERYONE.

8 ) Scot Pollard filling a 12-minute role with his defense, shot-blocking and junkyard-dog putbacks—every game.

9) A Rajon Rondo-led "six-minute fastbreak run" every game to open things up, come from behind, or put it away.

10) The Big Three leading a few fast breaks each game.

11) The Big Three getting floor burns on loose balls, and leading the defensive charge. 

12) A defensive stand each night to open things up, come back, or put it away.

13) Rondo going for 13 points, seven assists, and four boards per game. He makes the NBA All-Defensive Team—Second Unit.

14)  Besides Pierce, Garnett, and Allen hitting game-winner after game-winner, fourth- and fifth-options emerging in crunch time. Just to keep defenses honest...and spread the love.

15)  A healthy Tony Allen making the difference between making the playoffs and winning it all.  

So that’s it. Call it...Confessions of a Hypocrite.

My doctor says he can straighten me out. It will only take a few years.

In the meantime, I’m rooting for this team anyway it can do it.

This article first appeared in Celtics 17.


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