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Choke Artists: How USC, Florida, and Wisconsin Screwed Us All
October 10, 2007
At the beginning of the fall, we all had high hopes for the upcoming football season.
The possibility of Florida making history once more, the thought of USC reclaiming lost glory, and even the thought of Wisconsin seizing a Big Ten crown had most of us frothing at the mouth.
But heading into the final stretch of the season, we can all officially agree: These three teams choked on the core of the apple they were snacking on.
Oops! USC Did It Again!!!
The Trojans were the No. 1 team in the nation for most of the season. The way the computers had it set up, USC would have faced either LSU, Florida, Ohio State, Wisconsin, or someone from the Big East.
But thanks to Auburn and LSU, Florida is out. Thanks to Illinois, Wisconsin won't be punching a ticket anytime soon.
And now—thanks to the dismal, mediocre Stanford Cardinal—the USC Trojans may have just given their ticket to the Buckeyes or South Florida Bulls.
This isn't just another loss for the Trojans—this is a conference loss that could open the door for Cal to take the Pac-10 Championship.
Though Cal may lose to the Trojans, the Bears have enough firepower on both sides of the ball to hand the "Mighty Trojans" their second loss and seal their fate.
Hey, Pete Carroll—instead of jumping down Jim Harbaugh's throat for his comments, you should be jumping down John D. Booty's throat for all the birthday presents he's been dishing out over the last few weeks.
USC, you are the first winner of the Bonehead of the Week Award. You morons!!
The Badgers' Luck Runs Out...Finally!!
All season long, Wisconsin has been getting lucky.
Citadel, UNLV, and Michigan State all did the unthinkable: put the Badgers in check.
But Illinois was able to do what those teams couldn't—finish off a Wisconsin team that had Lady Luck on its side.
Even with P.J. Hill in the backfield, the Wisconsin Badgers couldn't stop the momentum of the Fightin' Illini. It's long overdue.
Here's a thought: Maybe Wisconsin should learn to go all out instead of just winging it and hoping for the best.
This is football, Shirley! And yes, I'm calling you Shirley, Wisconsin.
When you got the Big Ten title in the palm of your hands, you're supposed to hold it tight. Instead, you handed it to either Ohio State or Illinois.
What's worse is that you were most likely picked by everyone to win that game. I told you that your luck would soon run out. How ironic that it happened on the exact day, at the exact time, and against the exact team that I picked to end your lucky run.
Wisconsin, you earned your Bonehead of the Week Award. But don't worry, you got some intriguing company. Just when you thought it couldn't get any worse...
The Gators Need Life Support
They had the schedule to make it to another BCS Championship Game.
They had the offensive power to go undefeated this season.
They had enough talent on defense to silence any team that would dare to make a game out of it.
Unfortunately, someone forgot to tell this to Urban Meyer.
The Florida Gators are experiencing déjà vu. The last time the Gators won the National Championship, they lost two games the next season and knocked themselves out of contention.
Same story, different characters.
Florida lost to Auburn, and that started the chain reaction.
How could you give up the lead when you had it? You had LSU on the ropes, and somehow, you let them come back and beat you?
What were you thinking, you idiots?
Tim Tebow should have been concentrating on throwing the bloody ball instead of trying to be Michael Vick. You're in Death Valley against the top team in the country. You throw the ball and make sure your receivers are open.
Florida, you had the National Championship in your sights again. Now you have a worse record than your rival Florida State. You choked against Auburn, and you needed massive life support against LSU.
Your season has become more ridiculous than the St. Louis Rams' campaign. You guys are really starting to suck!
Florida, here's your sign. You have earned the final Bonehead of the Week Award, and I have no choice but to ask you the same question I asked Lloyd Carr last year...
How do you like 'dem apples, Gators?
Now that that's out of the way, everyone can focus on this weekend. Start sending your hate mail.
See you on Thursday.