2008 Summer Olympics Called on Account of Communism

Jim CantrellSenior Analyst IJune 6, 2008

If you were one of the millions of people planning to attend the 2008 Olympics in Beijing this summer, it might be a good idea to make alternate plans.

Hours after the Beijing Olympic organizing committee's nine page document titled "A guide to Chinese law for Foreigners coming to, leaving or staying in China during the Olympics" was posted on its official web site, the International Olympic Committee (IOC) finally came to its senses and canceled this year's Olympic games.

"We were willing to overlook the crackdowns in Tibet," said Jacques Rogge, president of the IOC. "We were willing to overlook the jailing of protesters. We were willing to overlook the vanishing of journalists."

"But not allowing tourists to sleep outdoors? That is going too far."

A source close to the situation, speaking on condition of anonymity, found the IOC's late turn around incredible.

"How were the Chinese granted the Olympics in the first place?" she wondered out loud. "I mean, China's entire application consisted of a giant stuffed panda, a DVD of the animated movie 'Mulan', and a double takeout order of Szechuan chicken with a side order of pork fried rice."

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The web document, written in Chinese, states that the country would bar entry to smugglers, drug traffickers, prostitutes, and those with "mental diseases" or contagious conditions, which would have effectively prevented any current NFL players from attending the games.

The guide goes on to describe a laundry list of items that would not be permitted in the country, including weapons, imitation weapons, ammunition, explosives, counterfeit currency, drugs and poisons. This, of course, would have prevented any current NBA players from attending the games.

The cancellation of the games comes on the heels of dozens of protests that were staged on the route of the Olympic torch, which caused the route to be detoured and eventually shortened. In light of all the problems caused by China's stance, skeptics claim that the IOC should have anticipated the backlash being seen in the international community.

"Look, we knew the Chinese were Communists," said an exasperated Rogge. "But so is Jane Fonda, and she seems perfectly nice."

At this time, there are no plans to reschedule the games or invade the country.