Calling All College Football Losers! Cut the Excuses and Try These on for Size

Gray GhostSenior Writer IJanuary 5, 2009

This has been an interesting college football season to say the least! There have been some great football games, and some we would just as soon forget. We, as fans, have certain things in common besides our love of the game and loyalty to our team. Almost all of us, with a tip of the hat to the Utes, have at some point this year experienced the agony of defeat.

We may have been defeated by a team that we were supposed to lose to, or it could have been the more disturbing scenario of losing to a team that we thought was destined for the “W” column. While the repercussions among the alumni association may be more dramatic in the latter, the fact remains that both result in a loss.

No one enjoys and respects team loyalty any more than I do. In fact, being on B/R has helped me connect with fans from other teams and learn that they have a deep passion for their teams and the rivalries that stir their part of the nation.

In my profile I proudly state that “I bleed Bulldog red and black.” I love the Dawgs!!! Hey, I named my middle daughter “Georgia”. I get ribbed here in Idaho about my Georgia Bulldog mailbox, and my boy’s room/playroom is painted and decorated with Bulldog colors and accessories—including autographed pictures of Herschel and Knowshon.

The problem is that we fans sometimes boast loyalty to a team, when in reality we are being loyal to ourselves. We go to such extremes to express our disrespect for the opposing team, that if we lose to them we lose face ourselves. Which really bothers us most? Are we really sad that our beloved team was defeated, or that we now must face those we have been trashing in the days preceding the game?

I cannot lose face if the Georgia Bulldogs lose any game or every game. I don’t suit up. I don’t take the field. I throw no passes and I make no tackles. Where I can lose face is when I act like a pompous know-it-all who can’t eat crow and admit that I was wrong and my team lost. Period.

Save the excuses. Cut the whining. I heard somewhere that the Dawgs lost 14 players to season ending injuries this year. That does absolutely nothing to erase the losses to Alabama, Florida, or Georgia Tech. Better luck next year. Build a bridge and get over it. We lost—plain and simple. It is what it is. You can only play the hand that’s dealt you.

The fans who do lose face are those obnoxious ones who gloat over every victory to the point of humiliating the fans of the losing team, and those equally obnoxious ones who don’t have the class to step up to the plate and look you in the eye (monitor?) and say “We lost, you won. No excuses. Congrats!”

In order to help add some class to our college football community, I have included 10 admissions of defeat that can be used when your team loses. These are not copyrighted and can be freely used by teams of every conference—because we all lose sometimes...don’t we? I have included a brief definition for those of you who may not be familiar with these expressions.


1. “We got the tar beat out of us!”

Evidently this came from some scientist that discovered that we all have at least 10 percent tar in our chemical make-up. It must be vital to our health because people make such a fuss when it gets beat out of them.


2. “We got skunked!”

If you have ever had a skunk splattered on the road if front of your house you need no explanation of this at all. Suffice it to say that it stinks the entire place up for quite some time. It produces an odor that’s hard to get rid of. See our game against Florida for further illustration.


3. “We got smoked!”

For you left-coast people, getting smoked has nothing to do with lighting up the funny weed, it’s more like what’s left after the bomb goes off. All that’s left is the smoke and the crater to climb out of.


4. “We got a butt-whuppin’!”

If you don’t know the difference between a “whippin” and a “whuppin” you are probably from above the Mason-Dixon line and never learned the fine art of expressing pain. It’s basically the difference between an in-grown toenail and open-heart surgery.


5. “We got our clock cleaned!”

You don’t clean a clock with a hammer and chisel. This means a very meticulous dismantling and a piece by piece exposure of our flaws. It’s slow and it’s humiliating!


6. “We got our rear-end hiked!”

This has nothing to do with going on a stroll through the woods on a Boy Scout outing. This kind of hike is when you get kicked by the opposing team so hard that your rump in relocated somewhere between the base of the neck and the shoulder-blades. It is painful, but makes it much harder for someone to steal your wallet.


7. “We got taken to the woodshed!”

In the old days, every southern house had a front porch and a woodshed. Sitting on the front porch was like heaven, but being taken to the woodshed was like…well, you get the idea.


8. “We got our lunch ate!”

This is the shock of having the lunchroom bully take your chair and clean your plate. You sit there listening to your stomach growling as he struts off. (If I had ever let this happen my Pop would’ve “whupped” me when I got home.)


9. “We were demonstrably and decisively devastated!”

This is for you upper-echelon sissies that don’t like colloquial slang. This means that your tea cup was more than just chipped—it was crushed.


10. “We got debuttitated!”

I thought I would revive one of my linguistic creations. It is the same as being decapitated, except it applies to the other end. It’s the only thing worse that a butt-whuppin’!


The next time your team loses, use one of these expressions to gain the respect of those who are waiting to see how you handle defeat. It’s better than losing face with excuses.


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