As Dan Gelston, AP sports writer noted, “Big Brown’s Triple Crown bid is finished. So is his undefeated career record.”
“In one mystifying run at the Belmont Stakes, Big Brown’s legacy disintegrated with racing’s 12th Triple Crown on the line in New York.”
Despite convincing Preakness and K-Derby victories and memorable “Scholastic Rock” ditties, Big Brown decided three was NOT a magic number.
Obviously, the real loser here was the sport of thoroughbred racing, because let’s face it; Big Brown couldn’t give a wet bag of oats whether he won or lost… BECAUSE HE’S A FREAKIN’ HORSE.
“Big Brown wasn’t Big Brown,” said Nick Zito, who trained long-shot winner Da’ Tara.
Aha! Then we are to believe there was an impostor horse running with BB’s number!?!
Or... was it in fact because, like so many HUMAN athletes, he just didn’t "WANT it bad enough?" Could we speculate the “effort” wasn’t there? Maybe he just "didn’t pay attention to the fundamentals that had brought him past success".
“No one really has the answers to Big Brown’s woes,” said one article.
- B/R Ticket Guide
But my crazy guess is, after I dispose with the anthropomorphic clichés, that Big Brown has absolutely no “woes” today. He is simply concerned with which tree to nibble grass under, or perhaps casually looking for a good spot to drop one of his very own “big browns”.
We humans have saddled young Brownie with some of our own nutty aspirations and attempted to bridle him with the pressures and expectations we apparently no longer reserve for professional athletes -- (who make more money than people who save lives, run entire countries and fly to the moon).
But no matter how much we’d like Big Brown to care, he will never understand or give a flying trot about our strange efforts to achieve historical notoriety, money or power.
He will never have to get up in front of the media to explain that he’d never knowingly taken Horsey-Steroids or that it wasn’t his previous night at the peeler bar that dulled his racing prowess.
For all we know, Big Brown took one sniff of Da’ Tara’s arse, and headed as far down wind as he could get.
BB didn’t feel like running fast on Sunday, and he saw no horse sense in taking the lead. It doesn’t take Robert Redford to figure out that whisper, race fans.
“There’s nothing physically that’s shown up,” said Co-owner Michael Iavarone, “I’m as confused as anybody.”
No guff, Dr. Doolittle! But let me clear up your confusion. Horses probably have a reason, (however simple those “reasons” may be) for everything they do. But fortunately for them, they are not compelled to clear it with us.
“Sports” fans, (and with horse-racing I use the term loosely) have lost this year's opportunity to glorify an animal’s physical prowess and bestow a human-like level of integrity and drive.
But for Big Brown, he will likely live out the rest of his days at the stud farm, enjoying warm summers at the ranch, and high dollar hay. And, because he's a horse, he'll never stop to ponder the "whys" or "what-could-have-beens".
His owners will continue to take care of him, arrange mate-dates with other cute thoroughbreds, and visit him in his stall… all the while being careful not to step in one of his freshly dropped “triple crowns”.
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7 months ago
Once again, you have outdone yourself, Mr. Elbow Macaroni-pants. Not only was this piece funny, it made an excellent point I haven't heard anyone else bring up.
Kudos!
7 months ago
Very nicely done, Mr. Elbow Grease-pants. I agree with Jim's comments above. I'm not sure the load in the accompanying photo is of championship caliber, but I'm sure someone could package Big Brown that way and make a nice buck at auction.
7 months ago
this is an unbelievable article, elbow (what do i call you? lol), and you really show us that people make too much of a big deal out of this stuff, more so than the horses really care about
7 months ago
Thanks all. You're too kind. I just started thinking it was goofy to hear people talking about BB's "disappointment" when all he's probably concerned with is the plucky mare in the stall next to him.
I mean, a horse may TAKE a crap, but it'll never GIVE ONE about human pursuits.
-Mr. Twominutesfor Elbow Ingpants
7 months ago
What can Big Brown do for you? Apparently, ruin an otherwise fine pair of shoes. Great article, by the way. Great angle. Although, for just a moment, I thought I saw a glimmer of a smile out of Big Brown's butt after that Preakness win.
Oh sorry, it was Rick Dutrow.
6 months ago
You're going to think this is crazy, but some horses actually do know what they are doing out there. Through experience, they learn what their job is, and some of them come to enjoy it.
One thing that those opposed to racing often overlook is that racing is a natural part of a horse's play. The main difference between nature and our racing is that a horse can quit from play whenever he wants, but we force them past the quitting stage.
They don't resent that, because the majority of horses are "submissives". They want to be dominated, but not hurt. Trouble is, most humans are not very smart, and so they don't understand the second part of that equation, which is why you end up with a lot of wayward horses.
The major difference between equine and human athletes is that horses don't normally get depressed after losing. Usually it is, at most, a tail swish of annoyance, and then the next thought is either "I'm hungry" or "I'm horny". They are not all that sophisticated (a lot like myself, I guess, since those are usually my two most recurring thoughts).
It's not the winning that horses enjoy about racing. It's being told that they are not allowed to quit. It's being pushed a little further than they want to go. And it goes to their natural herd behavior that they don't want to have to make decisions for themselves. They would rather have someone telling them what to do, because it makes them feel safer.
And nobody knows for sure, but there's a good cause to suspect that just like humans, horses might get a runner's high, so it's another reason why they might want to go fast. Even if you disagree with everything else I have said here, you have to admit, horses are speed junkies.
3 months ago
Wonderful read and I tend to agree with Brad above as to horses being high on adrenaline
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