CBS Interactive filed a lawsuit against the NFLPA after the union's demands of payment—for licensing fees—for CBS's use of NFL players' names and statistics for fantasy football. The suit contends that the NFLPA is violating anti-trust laws, and they're right—they are.
Yes, fantasy football has made a lot of money over the years, but the NFL Players Association trying to make a profit over FF's use of its players' names is comical.
If anything, fantasy football has increased the television ratings for NFL games—especially the bad ones—so the NFL should be grateful for the free promotions and extra revenue it receives from the networks and websites. Greedy $#$%$#@.
But since everybody is sue-happy, I have a few lawsuits I would like to file myself. Call it "Lisa Horne's Class Action Suits." I'm more than happy to share the monetary awards we sports fans so justly deserve.
Lisa Horne v. Clemson
For attempting to impersonate a top-20 football team.
v. Andy Roddick
For attempting to play tennis with his foot in his mouth, a clear violation of U.S. Open rules.
v. Chad Ocho Cinco
For insulting millions of illegal aliens guest workers and violating their civil rights by incorrectly spelling the Spanish word, Ochenta y Cinco.
- B/R Ticket Guide
v. Tennessee Volunteers
For disturbing the peace by giving Rick Neuheisel another reason to buy more pom-poms than he already has.
v. Ohio State
For medical fraud by already laying the groundwork for a great excuse if the Buckeyes lose to the USC Trojans next Saturday. Just what exactly is wrong with Beanie's foot?
v. NASCAR
For misrepresentation by making Greg Biffle and Kevin Harvick shoo-ins by virtue of pushing the ignition button and lulling Junior Nation to sleep.
v. Jamaica
For emotional distress, mon, after the Jamaican Olympic hurdlers were accused by Sports Illustrated for receiving shipments of steroids before the Olympics, mon.
v. South Carolina
For gross air pollution violations when the Gamecocks had both Smelley and Rank in their backfield and caused Nashville city officials to go to Defcon 5 after thinking a toxic spill had permeated the air.
v. NBC
For misrepresentation (of being a serious football network) and FCC violations (airing graphic violence and images that may be too disturbing for young children to watch, parental caution advised) by airing ND vs. SDSU when the competition is offering Ole Miss at Wake Forest, Oregon State at Penn State, and West Virginia at East Carolina.
v. New York Yankees
For making the world less "green" by forcing Yankees fans to wear paper bags over their heads against the Rays.
v. the MLB
For collusion and fraud by having plate umpires who can't keep track of a count (Angels vs. Tigers) and force scoreboard officials to change the correct count to an incorrect count. (Is Todd Donaghy related to this ump?)
v. the city of San Francisco
For a Senate recall. Is anyone really surprised that their state senator is seeking legal opinion on whether or not the LPGA can mandate English as its official language? Don't they have something better to do- like kick an armed forces recruiter or fly arrested illegal immigrants back home at their taxpayers' expense?
v. Krispy Kreme, et al
For creating undue influence on over fifteen college football teams' Athletic Directors' 2008 non-conference schedules and gross neglect for possibly causing players future medical problems due to eating too many calorie-laden cream puffs and cupcakes in the first week of football.
v. the sun
For emotional distress. The sun can't come up fast enough on football Saturdays, and needs to slow down its set in the early evenings.
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2 months ago
I like it! I like It !
You prepare great humor articles, Lisa.
from 2 months ago
BT-
Thanks my friend, was feeling funky last night. In a good way.
2 months ago
Jamaica? Krispy Kreme and the sun? Good stuff.
from 2 months ago
Larry-
Thanks...who would have thunk it? Using weird words in sports articles!
2 months ago
POTD! Especially coming from "The Dumbest Person in the History of Communication". I'm having T-shirts printed for me, BT, William and everyone who picks against you. I am also having a banner made for the backdrop of my videos for my new website roll out...any day now (finally)I'm still in tears over here. And I thought the MiamiB%&*h stuff was funny on the Cemson website....lol
from 2 months ago
To clarify the above comment for those who don't know why I would say such a thing it's just a joke, no need to add to my hate mail, i'm probably not going to get to all of mine today anyway :)
from 2 months ago
It's an inside joke. LMAO!
2 months ago
Yeah, I would go along with the San Francisco and California in general. You know, California, the state with the largest Death Row population in the country, one of the most economically depressed areas, higher crime rates in Oakland than New York City, stuff like that. Thank God I Left.
from 2 months ago
I'm stuck here...will get killed on property taxes and capital gains taxes if we sold our house. It's OK though...we'll all be washed out to sea from an earthquake and all those home prospectors in Arizona will have million dollar beach front homes .
from 2 months ago
As to the Death Row population, you can alway drop a line thanking Rose Bird.
Every time someone tells me how much they don't like living in California I tell them, "Hey, it's a big state—plenty of exits. Feel free to use one."
2 months ago
ha, that's funny, smelley and rank.
i think those are adjectives modifying the noun "gamecock-offense".
good read.
from 2 months ago
lol...did SOS plan that tandem? Thank God there's no player named Limburger.
2 months ago
Krispy Kreme has been influencing Phillip Fulmer for years.
from 2 months ago
I thought it was the fritters.
from 2 months ago
You guys are killing me. I hear Phil loves those donuts as much as Weis likes bagels.
2 months ago
Loved it Lisa. Good, funny stuff.
from 2 months ago
thanks! Congrats on the win over Clemson. RTR.
2 months ago
Lisa might know "x"s and "o"s. Humor aside--and what's funny about this drivel--is that she seems to know nothing about antitrust law. Simply put, NFL players sign exclusive GROUP licensing rights agreements with the union for any activity dealing with six or more players. Indeed, were there only five players in the league, CBS could have a case, and Lisa an issue. However, since those agreements were signed willingly and players receive yearly payments of $5,000 and up--depending upon how many times their name and/or signature were used; i.e., Favre makes a lot more than Durant Brooks--there is nothing at stake here. Maybe, just maybe, Lisa should pay attention to the business of sports rather than who zigs and who zags.
from 2 months ago
Michael-
What is wrong with this: the Fantasy football gets their stats from a public domain. Furthermore, the names are not trademarked (except for possibly someone like Ocho Cinco). If I am such an idiot, why is CBS filing suit? Are they idiots too?
I think they have a strong case. If I want to go on-line and make a website called Brett Favre and it's not taken, no one can stop me. It's not trademarked. Furthermore, many websites use names of celebrities, ie- KissingSusyKolber.com. It's legit.
All fantasy football is doing is taking stats from a public domain (internet, or television ESPN ticker) and plugging them into a system to make money. That's it. They have that right. If the NFL doesn't want that to happen, then they need to stop releasing the stats, but that won't happen because they have to.
Also, the NFL players may sign a group activity, but FF deals with separate individual players, not any "groups."
from 2 months ago
Lame Michael, lame...ohhh you must work for somebody involved!
That explains your missing sense of humor ;0)
2 months ago
Pick of the day for me, hilarious stuff!
from 2 months ago
Thanks Joe...glad you saw the humor!
2 months ago
nice stuff. MLB tried the same thing to sue for fantasy sports, but they were over ruled since stats and box scores are public and posted everywhere and the leagues do not control that.
CBS is just doing this for some free publicity
from 2 months ago
Jeremy-
Thanks- maybe you could debate Michael on this...he seems to think I'm way off base.
2 months ago
haha, love it. POTD for me!
from 2 months ago
Thanks Thomas!
2 months ago
Sean Crowe vs. Eli Manning
Not because he won the Super Bowl, but because he and everyone else refuse to admit how lucky those last two and a half minutes really were.
Three dropped interceptions and a Hail Mary that some dude we never heard of caught on his helmet? Are you kidding me?
I deserve SOMETHING for being forced to watch that....
from 2 months ago
Sean-
My boss is a Giants fan. I share your pain. Can I buy ya a bowl of Irish Stew?
2 months ago
Great stuff, Lisa! Keep the humor coming!
My POTD!
from 2 months ago
Drew-
Thanks for the love. I am honored. You rock.
2 months ago
Lise, wow the
"v. the sun
For emotional distress. The sun can't come up fast enough on football Saturdays, and needs to slow down its set in the early evenings."
Great great great, I love it! You are a rock star! The usual honors lady L.
2 months ago
Lise, First of all you are right on target. A perfect example of greed. The NFLPA has found a deepening pocket they think they can get their hands in. Pathetic.
Secondly, the article was great! Loved the humor. It put some air freshner on a stinkin' situation. Thanks for a good laugh. My POTD.
from 2 months ago
apparently alot of writers here on the BR are in the mood to laugh and write humor articles. Most of them like urs & this is one is great.
Keep the humor coming!
from 2 months ago
Thomas my Friend,
There are so many serious things going on in the world - it can be depressing if you don't learn to see the humor in life. It does people good to lighten up a bit.
2 months ago
Lisa, if you make Krispy Kremes go up in price one more time...
from 2 months ago
LOL! We actually have one about 20 minutes away from us. Kind of far enough away, if you know what I mean. Unfortunately, In-N-Out burgers is 30 mins away, and once a month, have to have one. By the way, blame Shaq for the high KK prices...ever since he bought some franchises.......
2 months ago
Another Good Read, Lisa. It was hilarious, I love the Smelly and Rank blast. It was my POTD.
2 months ago
Great stuff Lisa - you should work with Leno and upgrade his material.
If you really want to sue somebody, I'd like a suit stopping the networks from using those damn drop in adds for some other program during game action. Also the generic music bed outtros after a TD in the college game stepping on the scoring teams band playing their fight song.
2 months ago
Nice work...good to see someone with a sense of humor for once
JF
from 2 months ago
Not everyone agrees. Check out Michael anonymous' comment...what a partay poopier.
2 months ago
Lisa,
On behalf of Tennessee I apologize for what happened in the Rose Bowl...but we'll take care of them Southern Style next season in Neyland.
from 2 months ago
lol...I expect nothing less!
2 months ago
Okay, I get "It". Ha, ha, ha.
So, let's assume CBS as the FF host sells ads and/or otherwise generates a bunch of cash from it. Who gets that money? The fans? The players? The NFL? Nope, it goes straight into the pockets of CBS and its owners.
Let's see what antitrust law really means. Without it, players would have to provide their own jocks and workout clothes during training camps. That would be funny. Players would have no pensions, no disability programs, would be released without further pay if they dared to get injured, would have to play only for the first team they signed a contract with, would have no grievance policy, the draft would be thirty rounds, they would not be paid for pre-season "exhibitions" or be able to collect any post-season winnings--and on and on.
Hilarious!!
Oh, hee hee, fans would not receive televised games of any team other than their home team, if at all, because every game would be on pay-per-view.
And, do ya think that ticket prices would be lower? Ho, ho, ho, you'd be wrong. But, still funny. Doubled over.
Okay, I like humor. Good humor. This stuff just ain't that funny and I wonder if Lisa, in her paying job (cause this ain't it) would, ha ha ha, had trained for 15 - 18 years to be the absolute best in her calling and then be denied, ho ho ho, by owners of all her rights.
Finally, for those of you comedians out there who disparage NFL players for making too much, the way they earn their jobs is by beating out the competition and there's nothing standing between you and a Sunday uniform other than your not trying to beat out the guy that's wearing it now. And, for me, that would be one of the funniest sights ever.
Keep the curve balls coming Lisa, just do a bit more background about what you're blogging about.
Malama pono
mjd
2 months ago
Nice...
Correction: The sun can't come up fast enough on football SUNDAYS, e.g. the Eagles vs. Rams game tomorrow.
2 months ago
Hi, Lisa, tag, you're it!
I didn't know you had a blog here. Glad I found it! I just wrote a pretty intersting article, if I do say so myself, about the Pirates (the good ones, the ones that win) and how surprisingly well they are doing against ranked opponents. If you could check it out and let me hear your insight on the subject, I'd really appreciate it!
Take care, and enjoy your Sunday!
-Mike Greenspire
2 months ago
I came and read your bio, and your a Raiders/Redskins fan, huh? Not the glory days of old currently.
Oh well, every team has their off years. Some teams always have off years. I mean, at least you're not a Bengals fan, right? lol. Take care! GO STEELERS!!!
-Mike
2 months ago
I'd like to start a class action suit for everyone who had Sean Alexander in their fantasy tea last year and had Tom Brady this year against the owners of that travesty, the NFLPA.
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